I hate how my boyfriend parents his son and it’s now affecting our daughter

[Jgerrard02]

I have a 9 year old stepson who I truly care about, but he is a handful. His dad and I have a daughter of our own as well.
Some back story on his son… he has always been troubled. Severe anger, meltdowns, disobeying, but he does have times where he can be a great kid. His mom and dad do not enforce rules, boundaries, consequences, or any structure with him at all. I didn’t realize what an issue it was until my daughter came and I started realizing how I wanted to raise her.

She is getting older and picking up on behaviors. My stepson will watch a screen from the second he wakes up, in a car, in a restaurant, until he falls asleep watching it. I have tried to buy activities, tried to offer things for him to do, tried to give my boyfriend advice but I always get my head chewed off. They don’t want to deal with his screaming if they take the screen away. No one wants to make him do chores and contribute. No one wants to teach him respect. Basically no one wants to deal with him and it’s SO hard on me. I’ve tried to do everything I can and no one is receptive.

My daughter is starting to mimic his attitude and talking back, she is questioning why mommy has different rules, and then my boyfriend starts nagging on me which causes BOTH kids to not want to listen to me and they start disrespecting me too. I’m just so torn.
My boyfriend won’t listen to be about anything or find a balance with me so we can raise nice, responsible kids. His son doesn’t even know how to read…. It’s so bad. I’m to the point where I am contemplating leaving because of how all of this is wearing on me and my daughter. I’m not a hard **bleep**, but I do think kids need rules, boundaries and some freaking guidance. I can’t keep doing this alone with no support…

We have tried therapy and it’s so hard because my bf just points blame and his son refuses to even speak or get out of the car.

Ugh I’m so torn. Would you leave over something like this??

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Jgerrard02 ,

Welcome to the forums My heart went out to you reading that post, it sounds like such a difficult situation for you. Do you mind if I ask how old your daughter is?

It sounds like your stepson has some pretty challenging behaviours- has he ever had assistance from a professional like an occupational therapist, counsellor, or child psychologist? Do you think your husband/ your stepson's mom might be open to that at all? I'm just wondering if it may be helpful to

Our community is aimed at older young people aged 12-18, but there's some articles  on behaviour management here on Raising Children's Network that might be helpful. They also have a great article here on screen time -  

I know that in my family, I definitely find that my kids behaviour can deteriorate if they have too much screen time, it can definitely become pretty addictive. One thing I found helpful was setting some family ground rules as they suggest in the article.

It can be really exhausting feeling like you're alone in setting rules and boundaries, it sounds like it's a really heavy  burden for you to carry. You mentioned that therapy sessions with your boyfriend weren't so successful, I'm wondering if you've ever seen a counsellor or therapist by yourself?  Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to about what's happening for you? Sometimes it can be really helpful to have someone neutral to unpack things with - it sounds like things have been really tough, and we're glad you found our forums to get some support.