Step son now hates me

[Tinkle27]

We used to communicate really well. Then I went through a period of mental I’ll health during which time I unknowingly stole his alcohol and behaved very out of character. As a result, his father and I have been dating in secret for the last 3 years. I can’t even call as my partner has a block on my number. His son is now 28 and I believe his attitude is quite immature. I haven’t had even the chance to apologise as my behaviour was only revealed to me in April 2020. My partner and I are completely in love but this domineering attitude of his sons regarding incidents that happened in 2015 is really tearing at our relationship. Please help!!!!

[JAKGR8]

Oh my this must be hard.

I understand the concern for the son's feelings yet he is an adult and in reality it is none of his business. I know this is easier said than done as the dad doesn't want to ruin the relationship but technically the son's behaviour is holding him hostage. You partner is altering his behaviour to accommodate this. 

Son needs to act like an adult, hear your apology, have right of reply and then stay out of it. He may not wish to forgive or interact with you but that's also his choice.  As two adults I am sure you can find a way to share his father's time. 

Good luck. Hope you stay well.

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Tinkle27 

This sounds like a really tricky and complex situation you're in, sorry you're going through this and it's bringing so much turmoil and distress. It must be so tough having to keep your relationship a secret and having not had the chance to apologise to your step son. It sounds like the opportunity to apologise is really important to you in moving forward, is that right?

Is this something that could maybe happen through a letter or email? Sorry if that is a silly suggestion, I'm just wondering if there is a way for you to talk to your step son about what happened.

I'm wondering as well if your partner has any suggestions for ways of reconnecting with your step son? Is it a subject that perhaps he could broach with him?

I understand this must be incredible difficult for you to go through, and wanted to suggest if you were interested in getting some one-on-one support that Parentline could be an option to look into. They provide counselling so parents can chat about what their going through and get some direct support.

I hope this helps, let us know how you go