Teen sleepovers

[Robjess11]

So I’m a 48yr old single dad of a 13 and 17yr old. On top of that I’m also a 2/1 miner and work away. While I’m away my boys look after themselves and have done for some years. We have no family around us, just ourselves. So I work away to give my boys a good head start in life. They do amazingly well, cook clean and get to school and work. So we’ll that my oldest has just been accepted to the army to do and electrical engineering degree. The youngest also gets As and Bs at school. However the oldest has now got a full time job in a nursery until his army acceptance dat in April. He also has a full time girlfriend that sleeps at our house most nights and all get along well. But today my 13yr old told me he has a girlfriend and wants her to sleep over. I’m guessing that he wants to be more like his big brother. But I’m not ok with that. And have told him not until I get home and then in seperate rooms. The question is, am I living in the 70s with old school moral values that I’m trying to imbue upon my kids, in a world that’s completely different to the one I grew up in. Or or am I doing the right thing. I don’t know if 13 is an ok age for a female sleepover or if I’m being “old”.

[MaryRO · Accepted solution]

Hello @Robjess11,

It's so great that you children are doing very well for themselves and have goals for their future. It seems like you have instilled a sense of hard work, discipline and desire to achieve in life. Your 17 year old is about to leave the home and is about to become an adult. Younger children will always want to look up to their older siblings and be more like them. It is also not uncommon for teenagers to be sexually active and they may use that time during these sleepovers to express themselves in this way. I think in your case the question you might want to ask yourself is your 13 year old, old enough to take care of and be responsible for the consequences of his action if a pregnancy did occur?

It is not uncommon for parents to still refuse this request from a child in their early teens. What age was the older child able to bring girlfriend's home? The older child may potentially see it as unfair for you to allow the younger child to bring girls over for a sleepover earlier than what he was permitted. It is common for 13 year children to think that they are more capable to take of life's challenges than what they are able and it's up to you know decipher whether your child will keep himself and his girlfriend safe sexually. Another question might be if you would be able to help out in supporting a baby grandchild at this time? This of course may not happen and it sounds like both of your children think before they act. I'm asking these questions more so as young children may think they are invincible and nothing bad can ever happen to them. If you are trusting of your son, then by all means follow that instinct. If you are not comfortable then feel free to follow that instinct also. Allowing him to have girlfriends sleep over at the same age you allowed the older son, might be easiest way to go so that you don't get push back from the older child. 

[MaryRO · Accepted solution]

Hello @Robjess11,

It's so great that you children are doing very well for themselves and have goals for their future. It seems like you have instilled a sense of hard work, discipline and desire to achieve in life. Your 17 year old is about to leave the home and is about to become an adult. Younger children will always want to look up to their older siblings and be more like them. It is also not uncommon for teenagers to be sexually active and they may use that time during these sleepovers to express themselves in this way. I think in your case the question you might want to ask yourself is your 13 year old, old enough to take care of and be responsible for the consequences of his action if a pregnancy did occur?

It is not uncommon for parents to still refuse this request from a child in their early teens. What age was the older child able to bring girlfriend's home? The older child may potentially see it as unfair for you to allow the younger child to bring girls over for a sleepover earlier than what he was permitted. It is common for 13 year children to think that they are more capable to take of life's challenges than what they are able and it's up to you know decipher whether your child will keep himself and his girlfriend safe sexually. Another question might be if you would be able to help out in supporting a baby grandchild at this time? This of course may not happen and it sounds like both of your children think before they act. I'm asking these questions more so as young children may think they are invincible and nothing bad can ever happen to them. If you are trusting of your son, then by all means follow that instinct. If you are not comfortable then feel free to follow that instinct also. Allowing him to have girlfriends sleep over at the same age you allowed the older son, might be easiest way to go so that you don't get push back from the older child.