11-01-2020 05:15 PM - last edited on 11-02-2020 11:15 AM by Janine-RO
Hi, I need some help.
i'm 7+3 weeks pregnant, (Not much i know) and i need some advice.
I've had issues with the babys father, he's sh own abusive behavior in the past, (gaslighting, yelling, getting mildly aggressive ect) and one of the reasons we arent together anymore is because the baby was conceived on a night where I wasn't consenting. He claims that he had no idea that i wasnt consenting, , and there's a part of me that believes him...
Anyway, so he originally wanted me to terminate the baby, i refused (Which he didnt like, and caused a huge argument) and we've been talking since then about what to do and he refuses to not be in bubs life, he's become more open to the idea of becoming a dad and has been quite caring and comforting however i have close family-friends (i call them my informally adopted parents) threatening to contact child services if i even think about allowing him in bubs life, to the point where theyre contacting legal advisers to see if my baby can be taken off of me and given to one of their friends because theyre better suited.
I am young, i'm 19 but i'm willing to do anything for my baby, i'm just scared of hurting people or ruining my baby's life. I'm scared that if i cut all contact with bub's dad, that i'll regret it and bub will hate me for taking me away from their dad, i'm scared that if i dont cut all contact with him, one day he may get annoyed or angry and overwhelmed and hurt my baby, and that my baby will be taken away from me if i allow him any visitation at all. I thought that maybe him having monitored visits would be a good idea, but the family-friends are saying he should have zero contact with bub until he can prove that he's actually changed for the better and that he's working on himself.
I just really need some help here..
11-01-2020 07:02 PM
Hi @angel1, thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry to hear that you have experienced abuse from your former partner. I can understand how this is making you feel hesitant about including him in your baby's life. It sounds like you have a whole lot of things to consider at the moment which can be really overwhelming. The points you raise are really valid and it seems like those around you are concerned for you and your baby's welfare. Just remember that the choice is yours - you need to do what is best for you and your baby. It might help to focus on the next few steps for now to avoid getting yourself too overwhelmed or worried. What next step is needed to protect the wellbeing and safety of you and your child?
You don't have to go through this alone though. There are some services you can contact like 1800RESPECT and Parent Line to chat through this. It might even help to get in touch with a psychologist - they can support you through this really challenging decision making process. There is nothing wrong with getting a little bit of support. There are also online services like eHeadspace and Kids Helpline that will be able to support you through this too
Just so you know, I will be sending you through a quick email.