Hi @holdingpattern ,    Thanks so much for posting here, I hope that the community here can be a helpful and supportive place for you.    There's quite a few other members here who are either step-parents themselves, or are co-parenting with a step-parent. Moving into the step-parent role is definitely a huge change, and I hear your fear and uncertainty around it. I can also speak from some personal experience as well, I was a sole parent for 4 years, and then met my partner, who has now been my daughter's step-parent for nearly 7 years.    Whilst step-parenting is definitely a huge adjustment for everyone involved and can certainly come with a lot of challenges, it can also be an incredibly rewarding relationship - it sounds to me like what you've read on r/stepparents has left you feeling like there are a lot more potential negatives and pitfalls than there are positives, is that right? My impression (which may be wrong!) is that a lot of people post in that community when they are experiencing difficulties, which means that the overall impression that you can get from the community is a pretty negative one. My experience has been one that is a lot more balanced - while there has certainly been challenges along the way, it has also been a relationship that has enriched all of our lives so much.    This resource on our page has some really good advice about how to navigate becoming a step-parent   I will also tag in some other members who can speak to their own experiences .    The fact that you're reaching out here shows that you care about this relationship ,and your future relationship with your partner's son, which is a great foundation to build a respectful, caring relationship. The one piece of advice I would give is to speak openly and honestly with your partner along the way, both now, and in the future as you start to navigate things like discipline and boundaries, and the way you want to ultimately co-parent. Building a step-parent relationship is something that takes time, patience and kindness. Your relationship with his child can also look however you want it to look - there are so many different types of step-parent relationships, and your role can evolve slowly. Young kids can sometimes feel worried that a step-parent is going to want to replace their own parent, so it's important for everyone to take things slowly and keep the lines of communication open.    You say that your relationship is messy - do you think having a chat with relationship counsellor together could be something that might be helpful for you both? Sometimes it can help a lot to talk over these issues with a professional, to help you both communicate your expectations, fears, and any concerns you might have about how your lives together with his son will look.  It's natural to feel anxious when a big life change is on the way - the community is also here to support you in any way we can.  ... View more

Hi @Seeker , and welcome to the ReachOut Parents community. You're definitely welcome here, it sounds like you are a pretty amazing person taking on a caring and supportive role for a pretty vulnerable young person :)    I don't know if you're aware of the Community Restorative Centre  - they provide a lot of support and advocacy services for people who've been released from prison, as well as their families and friends. I've linked to a page here that has a number of specialist services linked to it, I thought some of the services listed under family and community and support and mental health services may be helpful https://www.crcnsw.org.au/get-help/getting-out-of-prison/.    It's unfortunately very common for people who've been in and out of corrective services to also have experienced mental health problems and substance abuse - a lot of the services I've listed above are specifically designed for the needs of people who've recently come out of prison, and can hopefully help them adjust to normal life and reduce the risk of re-offending.    Having conversations about mental health and substance abuse can be really tough. This resource on our parents page has some really good, practical advice about ways to talk to teenagers about mental health, especially when they may be resistant or not wanting to seek help.    Your needs and boundaries are also important, however - it sounds like you are an incredibly generous and supportive person, and I hear you when you say you feel upset, manipulated and let down. A lot of parents and carers find that talking to a professional can be really helpful for them to feel supported, there is also a free, 1:1 support service that you can access through our website for phone or online counselling.    You sound like an amazing person, who is making a real difference in this young person's life - thank you for posting here and I hope you find it helpful.    ... View more

Hi @Zayray ,    Firstly, thanks so much for coming to the ReachOut Parents community. I hope this can be a safe and helpful space for you. I hear your concern for your daughter, and it must be really challenging trying to balance your need to protect your daughter, and maintaining the trust between you. You sound like a really caring Mum - and it's excellent to hear that your daughter has already had professional help from a counsellor.    I am hearing that you are concerned for your daughter's emotional well-being when she is with her dad, especially when he has been drinking, is that right?  Can I ask, do you share physical custody with her dad, or is she living with him all of the time?    I see from your post that you appear to be in the UK - I found this website, which has a lot of links to different services for children of separated and divorced parents. If you are concerned about your daughter's safety when she is with your dad, there are helplines listed there that you can contact for advice and support that is specific to where you live.    It sounds like you and your daughter have a really trusting and open relationship, which is wonderful, and I imagine it must be so hard as a mum to hear her calling you in distress. Do you think seeking some form of counselling for yourself might be helpful? Taking some time out for self-care is also really important, is there anything that you enjoy doing for yourself?     I have also tagged in some other parents who may be able to offer advice and support based on their own experiences. Ultimately, your daughter's safety is the most important thing (both physically and mentally), and we are here to support you.  ... View more

Hi @melinee ,    Thanks so much for posting, and welcome to the ReachOut community. You're definitely not alone - a lot of parents have posted about their concerns about their teens' mental health and using cannabis. I  will tag in a few other parents here who may have been through similar experiences as you and your family.    I hear your concern and love for your son in your post, it must be a really helpless feeling as a parent when your teen doesn't want to engage with you like that. There's some good resources on the ReachOut parents page which I've linked to here in case you find them helpful - it includes some ideas for ways to talk to your son about drug use (cannabis is the most current illegal drug used by Australian youth, although rates of its use are falling at the moment), and ideas for how to communicate non-judgementally, to try and keep those lines of communication open.    Is your son at school, or engaged in work/ other study at the moment?    It sounds like this is really taking a toll on you, which is understandable. It can be easy to let looking after ourselves fall by the wayside when our kids are having a tough time, but it's important to remember to take care of yourself.    Sometimes, parents find it helpful to find professional counselling for themselves - there is a  free and confidential  free and confidential 1:1 counselling service for parents   available here , which may be helpful? You sound like a really caring and supportive parent, and that is also a really protective factor for your son as he navigates these tricky teenage years   ... View more

Hi @annoyedmumma ,    Welcome to the ReachOut parents community, i hope you find it a useful space for you. You're definitely not alone in having challenges with co-parenting, it can be an incredibly stressful situation, especially if your ex is doing things that you find unacceptable.    I can hear your frustration and concern for your 8 year old, which is totally understandable, as a parent of a child who's only a little older myself, I would be incredibly frustrated and angry in that situation. I'm glad your child is OK - as you say, that is a potentially dangerous situation.  I just wanted to make you aware (you may be already), that if you're ever concerned about your child's safety, you can always report to child protection in your state.    It sounds like a really tricky relationship to navigate with your ex, especially if he reacts with anger and defensiveness. I found this resource on the ReachOut parent's page to have some really helpful, practical information about ways to handle conflict with an ex when you are having to co-parent.    I am wondering if you currently have a parenting plan at all with your ex, or if you have already been through mediation? Some people find mediation (I know Relationships Australia offer this service) to be helpful in setting clear expectations and boundaries around co-parenting with an experienced mediator. If you have tried some of the techniques outlined in the article I've linked to above and they aren't working, or if you're concerned about your child's safety, then mediation can be a really useful step.    You sound like a very caring mum, and dealing with this kind of stress can really take its toll on us as well - are you able to make some time for self-care, or even speak to a counsellor if you think you need to for some extra support?  ... View more

@Swanee  I don't know what it's like these days but I do know a few people who have ended up getting married to people that they met on RSVP - I've been to a few weddings of people who met online (though I'm sure there's a range of outcomes!!). I hadn't heard of the other one linked myself.  ... View more

Hi @jbrowne ,    I really related a lot to your post - I am also a parent of a child who can be quite anxious at times. It can be hard as a parent knowing what is just someone's personality and temperament, and not wanting to push them into being someone they are not, and knowing when to intervene.    One piece of advice I was once given was that if things are affecting their everyday life, or interfering with their ability to do the things that they want to do, then it could be time to get things checked out.  Some kids may just be naturally more solitary, or kids may be wanting to play with other kids but feeling really anxious about it - you say that he has a beautiful, caring nature - those are wonderful things, and he sounds like a lovely kid.    In our case, professional help has been really valuable in helping our child to build a toolkit to help them with some social anxiety and general anxiety that a professional assessment picked up. There is so much more awareness these days around anxiety in kids, and programs like "Cool Kids" can be really helpful    Do you think that is something you'd be comfortable to look into?  ... View more

What a fabulous resource @bloomer , thank you so much for sharing that. I love the idea of watching some of these movies with a teen who's having a tough time, do you find this is something that has worked for you? Do you have any favourites that you can recommend?  ... View more

Hi @Emzopima-4 ,    Thanks so much for your post. I've copied it into the google form so that your question will reach our Ask A Professional night, and we will tag you when the response it up. It can sometimes be a bit of a wait depending on how many other questions are waiting, so I'm also moving this post to it's own thread on the forums, so that you can get more advice and support from our parents community. I hope that's OK :)    I can really hear the weight of responsibility in your words, and I feel for you - I am also a working mum with two kids, and it can definitely be a challenging juggle at times! I think it's something that a lot of parents struggle with, and I'm really glad you've come here for support.    One thing I find really helpful is remembering to ask for help when I need it, and remind myself that I am not superwoman! It can be really easy for us to put ourselves last when there' s so many other responsibilities - but I find I'm a much better parent when I'm able to take some time to look after myself. Things I find helpful are getting exercise and listening to podcasts, having time to myself (even if it's just a hot cup of tea on the deck before the rest of the family is awake), and making sure I book in time to spend with my friends.    Sometimes, it can be helpful to speak to a professional to help learn ways to manage our stress - do you think this is something that could be helpful for you?    There is a free service available for 1-1 support if you think that it would be helpful to talk these issues through https://parents.au.reachout.com/one-on-one-support   Thinking of you - thanks so much for reaching out here.      ... View more

Hi @1garden ,    Welcome to the RO forums! I hope you'll find it a useful and supportive community.    I'm just going to tag in some of our active parent community members here, because I know quite a few people have a lot of knowledge about support services available in Australia, and a lot of wisdom that they can share! @PapaBill , @Dad4good , @JAKGR8 , @Faob_1    Hopefully I can be helpful too - I also have a child who's a similar age who's recently been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. You sound like a really proactive parent, and it's fantastic to hear that your son has had so much professional support.    Do you know what school your son will be attending in Sydney? Most state schools should have access to a school counsellor or psychologist who may be at the school part time or full time, depending on the size of the school. Your school principal should be able to let you know, and should be able to work with you to formulate a support plan that indicates how best to support your child at school. Depending on the size of the school and needs of the individual student body, some schools also employ learning support assistants, who work in partnership with the classroom teacher to support kids who may need some extra support.    Your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) are a good first point of contact in the public system to access support for your son, the link is here https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/mentalhealth/Pages/camhs.aspx.    Most community health services employ clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, OTs and Speech Pathologists who work in multidisciplinary teams, you can self-refer to these services but waiting times can be long, depending on how severe your needs are. My understanding is if you're from NZ you do have access to these services- but that's something you should be able to confirm with them pretty easily.    The Cool Kids program may also be of interest, they run programs specifically for kids with social anxiety and generalised anxiety.    I hope this is helpful - how are you feeling about the move?  ... View more

Hi @zoetee ,    Thanks so much for reaching out to the parent community here - we are really glad that you have found us, and hope that you find this space helpful. I can imagine that it must be incredibly distressing for you to see your son self-harming. The fact that he isn't hiding it from you, and is still open to talking to you about his passions, is really positive - it sounds like you're doing an amazing job at keeping calm, and holding space for him, while still offering him help. That can be such a difficult thing to do, and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job keeping home a safe, calm space for him. The fact that you're assisting him to take care of himself physically with bandaids and antiseptic is also excellent. You sound like a caring and engaged parent, and that is a really protective factor for your son.    Self-harm in teenagers is not uncommon, and we have a lot of different resources on our website that you may find helpful here https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/mental-health/self-harm-and-teenagers.    They range from reasons why teens may be self-harming, to self-help strategies to try with them, to suggestions for professional help.    You mention that he didn't have  a good experience with a psychologist when he was younger, it can take time to find the right mental health professional and build a trusting relationship with them, and I'm sorry that his first experience wasn't great. Do you think he may be open to trying to see someone else?    It also could be helpful for you to see a mental health professional to help you with further strategies to help your son. ParentLine  is another free resource for parents where you can talk things over with a counsellor.    Thank you for reaching out here, and I hope the parent community can give you some further advice and support. You're not alone, and we are here to support you while you support your son.      ... View more

Hi @Jojobatty ,    You sound like a really caring, considerate and concerned mum. Please let us know how you go chatting to parentline, we would love to hear how things progress with your son. Helping ourselves, and our kids, navigate the challenges that come as they approach adulthood, and become more independent, is definitely a 'new' stage of parenting I think. It's something that we hear about a lot from parents of teenage kids - it's definitely not something that can happen overnight (just like they don't suddenly become responsible adults overnight!)   I hear your concern about your son feeling smothered - I think if you can keep the communication between you open, respectful and honest, you'll be on the right track.  It sounds like you're doing a great job already :)      ... View more

Hi @Tona3 ,    Thanks so much for your post - helping our kids to navigate social media safely and being mindful of their future digital footprint is an issue I'm sure that many of the parents on our forums here will relate to.     In regards to Twitter, you're correct that users are all meant to be over 13 as per their terms of service. I've done a bit of online digging for you and it looks like there's a bit of a grey area with twitter about deleting activity from when users were under 13, when they are now over 13.    As a first step, I'm wondering what conversations you've had with your son around digital safety, online presence and the real-world impacts of social media? We have some resources here on ReachOut that may be helpful if you're wanting some ideas for how to start that conversation - this page  and this page  are resources about digital safety, privacy and having a positive online presence. This may help educate him about the implications of social media - it's definitely going to be a part of life for all of our kids, and I think digital literacy is really important.   I'm also wondering if what he is posting on twitter is identifiable? Do you think making sure he removes any identifying information (like real name, age, school details, where he lives) from what he posts could be a step he would be happy with, without having to totally delete his account?    Let us know how you're going with him, and thanks so much for raising this important issue- as a parent of a child who's on the brink of their teenage years, I'll be following along this discussion with interest. I think you're showing a lot of love and care for your child in helping them to be mindful of their digital footprint- thank you for reaching out to the community here. I'm also going to tag in a few of our parents community champions who may have wisdom to add from their own experiences - @Dadof4kids , @Faob_1 , @compassion  ... View more

@ELLEJAY1982  I hear you with the challenges finding time for yourself - I also have two younger children, and work part time - I'm glad that the gym gives you a bit of alone time :)   It can be really easy to put yourself last as a parent, I sometimes have to remind myself of the analogy of the oxygen mask when a plane is going down - that we sometimes have to put our own masks on before we can help anyone else   ... View more

I love the idea of crocheting- are you making pouches for the animals?    I do like the idea of allowing my kids to be bored and I think it's a really important life skill to be able to occupy yourself/ find interesting stuff to do, but I do also get a bit of pressure from my tween daughter! It's definitely something that we are working on though, and she's getting really into baking which is a win-win.     It's definitely lovely to have a break from the everyday routine. We relax screen time rules a bit in holidays too, but have set fairly strict parental controls on the laptop, and monitor use - I guess it's something we will just have to keep revisiting as we hit the teen years.  ... View more

Hi @WAMUM ,    Welcome to the parents community, I'm so glad that you've found this space. You sound like an incredibly strong and caring parent to your daughter and other kids, and it sounds like you have done a lot to find different supports for your daughter. Supporting a child through complex mental health issues, especially when you have other kids involved, is an incredibly challenging thing, so I just wanted to acknowledge how much strength and courage you've shown posting here. I hear how much you have been doing for your daughter, and your worry about the safety of your other kids.    @JAKGR8  has given some great advice and support, and I know that we have quite a few other members here who have supported their kids through complex issues, you're not alone, and the community is here for you.    It's great that your daughter is attending CAMHS, it sounds like the kind of multidisciplinary team that they can provide might be helpful for your daughter, but I can understand how frustrating it must be when diagnoses and treatments/ medications keep changing. It can be a challenge finding the right combination of medication/treatment approaches that work for the individual. You also mention that she's attended a number of schools, is she currently engaged with a support team at school for the upcoming school year?    I hear your frustration about a lack of supports for the rest of your family, and I'm wondering if the rest of your children , and yourselves, have been connected with a mental health professional or counsellor to help equip them with tools to help them manage the situation at home? Do you think seeing your GP for a mental health plan for your other children could be an option that could be helpful for you?    In terms of their safety - I agree with you, that they need and deserve to feel safe in their home. Has your daughter's mental health team suggested any strategies for when she is becoming physically violent?    Thank you for reaching out here, I can imagine that all of this must take an enormous toll on you as a parent - we are here to support you.                  ... View more

Hi @ELLEJAY1982 ,   We are so glad to hear that you're finding the responses helpful :) I'll have a play around to see if I can remove the "solved", but the thread can still stay active anyway. We have recently done an upgrade of our parents forum, so I'm still learning how it all works too.    Going away with friends is a big milestone, I think a bit of parental anxiety is totally understandable! I hope she has a nice time away. It sounds like a bit of a break might be a positive thing for everyone- are you able to do anything nice for yourself while she's away?  ... View more

Hi @Faob_1  and @JAKGR8 ,    I just wanted to take a moment to thank you both so much for your detailed and insightful responses, seeing other parents being so generous with their time and expertise really is amazing. So, thank you.    I think you both give fantastic advice here - I think a lot of parents struggle with how to approach their teens if they are struggling with taking the leap into the world of job hunting. There can also be so much perceived pressure for teens to choose "their path", even when in reality they will probably have 6 or 7 different careers in their working life. And motivating ourselves to do daunting things like job seeking is hard at the best of times, especially if you're living in an area where there may not be a huge amount of opportunities, or where applications may be met with silenc.e    I hope you're able to keep us posted with how your teenage daughter goes @ELLEJAY1982 . There can be so much pressure on teens to make choices about work and study at the end of high school - hopefully she's found something that she's interested in (even if she ends up changing direction), or has found the courage to start working on her resume and getting those job applications out there! Casual work or volunteering can be a great way to get her foot in the door and increase her confidence - is there any type of work that you think would appeal to her?  ... View more

Hi @MumofTwo2020 ,    What a great post, I really related to so much of it and think it's full of so much wisdom.      My addition is based on both the practical experience of teaching my daughter to ride a bike, and also the broader life lessons (especially if you have a kid who's prone to anxiety) - that is, BELIEVE in yourself, and don't be afraid to fail.    My daughter used to be so uncertain and scared on the bike that she was actually much more likely to fall - in fact, she did fall once and break her arm which was pretty unfortunate! But the reason behind the fall was that she wasn't confident, so was very hesitant and lost her balance... in life, I thikn sometimes fear can hold us back from so many things and make us more likely to 'fall'.    The thing I was proudest of, though, is that she overcame her fear of 'failing', and fear of falling, and was able to eventually get back on the bike. Definitely a great life lesson for her.  And once she was confident to give it a go again, and wasn't so paralysed by her fear of failing, she became a much safer rider.    Love to hear everyone else's thoughts!      ... View more

Hi parents,    So, we're now almost in the final stretches of the school holidays - how is everyone coping??      I post the above in jest, but I'm also guessing that I may not be the only parent out there that is having a few "moments" at this point??    So, I thought it could be a good time to revive this thread, but these ideas are with a focus on helping our kids to sit with being bored. I'm also wondering how other parents are going with managing screen time over the holidays?? I've seen a few parents in other groups online post about doing a technology ban for a few days because their kids/teens are getting so addicted, but I also can see the argument that for some teens, it's their main form  of connection to friends over the holidays.    So here's a few more of my ideas about what to do when there's the cry of 'WHAT ARE WE DOING? I'M BORED'   107. Do nothing. Leave kids/ teens to be a bit bored and sit with that feeling - they may even find they end up picking up an activity that they've forgotten about/ an abandoned craft project/ write a story/ have an idea for a blog post.  108. Get teens involved in meal planning for a few days - from researching recipes, buying ingredients, and cooking the meal.  109. Getting out some oldschool favourite movies and re-discovering them together - recently we did The Princess Bride, the Back To The Future Movies, and Fame!     Tagging in a few of our parent community champions @JAKGR8 . @PapaBill , @Dad4good  - would love to hear how you're all going.  ... View more

Hi @mugs1170 ,    I can't imagine how difficult it must be to see your daughter in so much pain, especially when it's something that you can't 'fix' for her, it's understandable that you're feeling exhausted.  A day program sounds like a really promising step for her, and hopefully will give you a chance to take a breath and refill your own cup a bit.    It's great that you have your own psychiatrist and psychologist for support, it sounds like you've been really proactive in doing everything you can for yourself and your daughter.    Are you able to do something nice for yourself today? It sounds like you've been an incredible support for your daughter, but it's okay to feel exhausted and do something that is just for you     I'm also just tagging two of our parent champions, @sunflowermom  and @JAKGR8 , as I know they have supported their teenage kids through different challenges, so may be able to add more support here   ... View more

Hi @Meemoo ,    I hear your frustration about service availability for cases like your child's once they are over 18.  I know some psychologists do specialise in complex trauma and abuse, but you're right- there can definitely be barriers to accessing appropriate services.   Hopefully this post will reach other parents in similar situations, because I know that you're absolutely not alone in what you and your family have experienced - hopefully other parents will feel comfortable connecting with you here.    A lot of services in this space over the age of 18 seem to be geared towards people who have been in contact with the courts/ have been sentenced for offences, but I did come across this service which I just thought I would share in case it's useful at all, they run a range of programs aimed at rehabilitation of people who have offended, or believe they could offend, against children. Their website has  a lot of information about their approach and different programs they offer, so I'm just linking it here in case you or anyone else reading may find it helpful http://pastoralcounselling.org/sex-offender-treatment/   Please keep us updated on how your family is progressing, you sound like an amazing parent and I really commend your strength in sharing your story with us here.  ... View more

Hi @mugs1170 ,   I just wanted to check in, and see how you and your daughter are going?    Supporting someone through a mental health crisis is so incredibly tough, as a parent myself I have to say my heart absolutely goes out to you. I think I've asked this before, but have you seen a counsellor or psych yourself to get some extra support for you? It's fantastic that you've reached out here - I can imagine that it must take a huge toll on you, especially when your daughter doesn't feel like the professional help that she's had has been helpful.    Finding the right mental health professionals and working out what type of treatment works for you can be a really long road, and I'm sorry to hear that your daughter feels like she's not being well supported at the moment.    Is she able to engage with crisis services like the Suicide Callback service, Lifeline (13 11 14)  or Beyond Blue when she's feeling really unwell? Do you mind if I ask- does she have a safety plan, or has she expressed any active thoughts of suicide? I know these conversations can be incredibly difficult to have, and we are here to support you       ... View more

You're welcome, please feel free to come back here any time if you need more advice or support, and keep us updated on how you're going.  I hope all goes well with your daughter.  ... View more

Hi @SoniaP ,    I just thought I would offer a bit additional information for you about your concerns about your 17 year old. I can imagine that it must be incredibly concerning as a parent to see your child in a relationship like this.    In terms of the legalities, these do differ depending on what state you're in, as far as the age of consent, and consensual relationships where there's a large age difference and/or power imbalance.   I've taken the information below from this website, which gives a really good outline of the different legal situations in different states in Australia regarding the age of consent https://yla.org.au/nsw/topics/health-love-and-sex/sex/    "For example, In NSW, the age of consent is 16. If you are 16 years old, another person can have sex with you if you agree to it (unless they are your carer or supervisor)... some examples of people who are in a position of care or supervision over you would include your teacher, sports coach, youth worker, counsellor, foster carer, religious instructor, health professional, or police officer."   So in short, if the person your daughter involved with isn't in one of those roles, it may not be illegal.    However, I would also encourage you to look at material on 1800 RESPECT, which talks about consent, and relationships which may be potentially abusive, and see if any of the behaviours that they talk about there resonate with you. There are trained counsellors available on the phone line (  who may be able to offer you specific advice based on the behaviours you're concerned about.    Another excellent resource to get support and advice from regarding the exact behaviours you are witnessing in the relationship may be the child protection helpline in your state.    You sound like an excellent parent, and I imagine it must be a very difficult situation for you. We are here for support, and there are other parents who may well have been in similar situation with their teenage children.  ... View more

Hi @mugs1170 ,    It's nice to hear from you again, how did you cope over the Xmas period?    I think that cooking can be a really good activity/ way to distract ourselves from negative thoughts etc, i think that sounds like a really good idea, especially if it's something that your daughter enjoys. Coincidentally, I was listening to a podcast yesterday with Marian Keyes, who's a really well known author - she experienced a bout of very severe depression several years ago, and baking ended up being something that she found really helpful in a time where she could hardly function.    Do you have any family favourite recipes that you could cook with her/ teach her how to make? That could be a good way to ease her into it/ spend time together without having to make conversation.    Another thought I had is something like gardening/ tending a small veggie patch or raised garden bed (or even a few pot plants if you don't have space) .  I also know that some people find things like adult colouring books really helpful and distracting, you can often pick these up super cheaply from op shops.    You say that you want to keep her safe, are you concerned about her safety when she's not at home with you?   ... View more

Hi @Meemoo ,   Thanks for your reply, and for confirming that all of your kids are safe now. We appreciate that this must be an incredibly difficult situation to navigate as a family, and hope that you're able to find additional support here. You are clearly a dedicated parent who is doing a lot to surround your children with support services, which will be a hugely protective factor for them as they work through this trauma.   You mention you've had involvement with child protection, I'm just wondering if child services were able to offer any support services for your eldest child?    I understand that it can be difficult to find appropriate professional supports for people who've been the perpetrators of abuse, and I agree with you that it's incredibly important.  Your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health services (CAMHS) may be a good place to look for additional supports, they have multidisciplinary teams including clinical psychologists and psychiatrists and you can self-refer.    Thank you for having the courage to share your experiences here, hopefully if there are other community members who've walked a similar path they can offer their advice and support to you, and your family.    ... View more

That's so exciting about your new, not-so-little, family member @Orbit64 !! I think pets are amazing for mental health, especially if you can take them to the beach :) I hope that you and your family have a lovely and relaxing festive season.  ... View more

Today for self-care I am remembering to be kind to myself - to stop stressing about little things that aren't perfect in the lead-up to Xmas, jobs I wanted to do that but haven't, and just relax, and enjoy some chilled out time with my family.  ... View more