Thank you so much. Some really good ideas! I like the box idea a lot. Just reading the input from the girl with the green box made my heart hurt. It’s so painful knowing what a burden these young people are carrying. Love to Australia <3 ... View more

@sunflowermom. That’s awesome. It sounds like things are looking up. Things have been fairly quiet on our front. School is just taken out. It’s not going to happen! We’re going to do the on-line school again. He’s sure (again) that he will do it. There’s really no excuse not to, other than he doesn’t like it. I’m nervous about it because I’m the one who has to work with him & I’m getting too old for the fight (65). He went almost 4 weeks without harming but had a meltdown this week and did it again. Something set him off. He says he fights the “urge” and hits walls but gave in. He won’t say what set him off. He hates himself for giving in which makes it a vicious cycle. I try to stress forgiving himself & starting fresh but that, of course, is easier said than done. ... View more

I’m really curious how your son feels about all this and if he is able to articulate the difference in your daughter between your and your exes homes. SHE DOESN’T HATE YOU! Try to find solace in knowing she is safe, getting help and hopefully the rest will work itself out. ... View more

On a positive note, perhaps she is learning some coping skills if she is trying to hide her negative behavior from her father. I missed any reference to your son. Did he go to get her or was he visiting his dad? Is he old enough to give you feedback as to how she acts away from you? I think writing to her is a great idea. It might counter the negative thoughts she might be conjuring up about you for whatever reason. Please try not to take it personal. I feel it’s very common for them to focus their anger on someone else. My grandson is downright evil to his mom when he is in “the mode”. Her pain is a double whammy for me. She is such a great mom :-( ... View more

Moon, I know how hard it must be for you. I, of course, don’t know your ex, but my first reaction was that I wish my guy had a safe place to go. Somewhere to reset and maybe reflect on the situation. I say that because it seems like (in our case) things have escalated to a point where there is no reasoning, no answers, just desperation. She will come back. Know that she loves you. Part of the problem is their age and the “I know everything and I hate my parents” attitude. In these cases it’s multiplyed due to devastating anxiety. I hope you take this time to take care of yourself and get help to prepare for her return. Again, depending on your ex, the main thing is her safety. ... View more

Sun, that’s devastating. I would never imagine it could happen in the hospital! How is her demeanor there? My gs wanted to come home, of course (no phone) but didn’t act out and he participated well in activities and therapy. We are down to weekly therapy only, but to him just seems to be an inconvenience. We are looking into a residential solution. There is no other solution for not going to school and needing 24 hour watch. I wish there was a magic solution. I think we all come here hoping there is a happy ending story, some hope that it’s going to be ok. I am hearing about MANY people I know who went through a self harm stage when younger and grew out of it with maturity and coping skills. It’s just going to take more for our kiddos to get there ... View more

Sun, I get it. It’s probably opposite in my case. She tells me EVERYTHING. Some things I sometimes wish I didn’t know, but if it helps her, I’m in. Let them know how you feel, but know that your pain is as real to them as your pain is for your daughter. Hang in there and know that they are there for you. My daughter doesn’t have a husband for support so that makes a difference too ... View more

Sun, He is on the 504 plan, which is awesome (if we could get him there). The online school seemed ideal. It was easy for him to maintain an A. He got to where he was SURE he was ready to go back to school and I know he really believed and wanted that. In fact, most days he was sure the next day he would “just do it”. We are now at a crossroad. He will NOT go! I’m worried for my daughter’s mental health. She’s been so patient & strong. I want to “fix” it! ... View more

I appreciate that so much. I did check to see if they had a U.S. version. Apparently it’s down for maintenance ... View more

Sun, that’s heartbreaking. It’s like a stranger took over their bodies & minds. We tried for 1/2 days at school. Took his older brother physically getting him into the car but he wouldn’t get out, once there. How are you handling the school part? We are so fearful at this point that my daughter will be jailed for his truency even though she has done everything she can. I was born & raised in California. Wish I could go back ... View more

Sunflowermom, wow, stories are so similar. My grandson was in residential treatment for 5 days for suicidal threats. I agree about the crutch of self harm. It does seem to become a habit and I pray the nightmare ends before drugs become an issue. I’m afraid he will try anything to get relief from his pain. I feel there is great hope for your daughter since there is a specific issue she can get help with and hopefully work through. I would love to have a “why” to work on, but we don’t have a clue. He’s smart & handsome. Never been bullied. Such a tough age with puberty & attitude mixed in. I’m in Indiana, you? ... View more

Thank you. Just knowing there are others who understand and care, brings comfort (& tears). Good luck to you and yours ... View more

Yes. The original problem was his anxiety that caused him to shut down when time for school. We put him in group therapy where kids shared stories about how self harm made them “feel” & I think that’s why he tried it. That was about 4 months ago. He stopped about 10 days ago, then did it again today. At a loss. BTW, I’m in USA. Didn’t notice it was Australia until I Registered :-) ... View more

I can feel your pain and desperation. My daughter has absolutely reached her “bottom” regarding her 13 yo son. The last year has been an absolute nightmare & I feel so helpless. Self-harm, refusal to go to school, anxiety, violent outbursts. No crimes but I can feel it coming. All available resources haven’t helped ... View more