Thanks @Jay-RO I appreciate those links however as is often the case, these seem to be 'text book advice' that works when things are going well but I find that personal experiences through these forums are good for when things are not going according to plan.  I spoke with Parentline and their advice was family therapy if our concerns continue.  I then spoke with a family therapist who also confirmed that we are doing all the right things.  If these don't start to show signs of success, we'll take up family therapy.  However, I'm hopeful that they will be successful.  We will be monitoring carefully. I have talked to my daughter (in little bits) extensively over the last few days, emphasising the need to act on her own moral compass.  I have separated her behaviour from herself and I have explained the disappointment that I cannot now trust her as I used to.  I asked her to lay everything out and openly so that we can start to rebuild trust.  I contacted her school with my concerns and we are working together on encouraging better behaviour.  I have also contacted some of her friends' parents to see whether they have similar concerns.  Where possible, she is being made to take responsibility for poor decisions while I am also gently encouraging her to re-explore old friendships.  We have put some consequences into place, including minimising contact with those who display poor decision making and only seeing friends at home at the moment.  She's not thrilled at this but does understand why.  I realise that peer groups are really important to kids at this age, so I've been careful about how I've characterised this.  She's keen to persuade her friends to make better choices but I've emphasised that, while this is admirable, she can only control her own behaviour. She and I have spent a lot of time calmly together working on joint projects or alongside each other or walking/ going for lunch together, working hard on maintaining and strengthening our bond, over the last few days.  Fingers crossed and action taken :)   ... View more

Hi TeenToddlerKids I totally understand the anger issues: we've had them too, and it's definitely worth picking the battles : )   Hope the teacher interviews and your plan go well. One small further suggestion: when you raise the plan with him, try to pick a neutral, transition moment (not when he's engrossed in something), and ask if it's OK to talk now or whether another time today would be better. Hang in there. All the best.  ... View more

So sorry to hear...  I love the advice to 'recalibrate' - maybe take the chance to reset the relationship a little, explain that it's hard for everyone but that you're all trying your best and there's a lot of love. But there have to be rules, so that you can live together peacefully. Perhaps talk about limits and why you think they need to be where you've set them. Listen to her and perhaps compromise on one or two less important things.  Above all, I'd suggest staying close. I think kids often push away when they want to feel love and support from parents. Make sure you chat to her about normal stuff (how's her day been, what's going on with her friends), without making a big deal of it. She might think it's weird to begin with, but she'll probably appreciate the positive attention, when she realises you don't have an agenda. That closer relationship makes it easier to handle the tough stuff together. No quick, easy fixes, but slow progress. Best of luck and don't give up! ... View more

Sorry to hear of these issues. I think 15/year 10 is another transition age, with lots of changes and pushing boundaries.  One piece of advice that I like is to keep screens out of bedrooms, particularly after bedtime. Our guys need to put their devices on chargers in the living room, before going to bed. And during the day, they aren't allowed to spend too long on their screens. In terms of motivation, we had similar issues and spoke about respect, independence and responsibility going hand in hand: do the right thing, and you'll get more respect and independence. Independence is a big thing for this age. We explained that to get independence (go travelling, uni, work etc), you need to get the grades and finish high school.  Try reminding him of all the good things that he's done and is doing (work experience and other achievements).  Make sure he has other outlets to relax, too (friends, sport, music etc). Finally, try to stay close to him, emotionally - make sure you check in with him about how things are going for him - don't make a big deal of it, but just casually and briefly check in with him every couple of days. Best of luck.                                                ... View more