Thank you so much everyone this is very helpful :) I can see he is feeling the way you describe and I felt we were slowly getting somewhere when he was going to Headspace. I'm really unsure why he won't go again as he would come home smiling and actually have a conversation with me most of the time and now he has given up on that as well. I really want to help him and I will start with the advice and links you have provided and have a read through them tonight over a glass of wine and hopefully half an hour chill time alone. I know I need to help him first before myself so hopefully once I have a plan of action I can start to seek the help I need myself as well. Between Mr 17 and the rift it is causing with hubby and I, I feel in the middle of all the bickering and bantering and trying so hard to be the middle ground for everyone and it's tough. BUT I have been through an abusive relationship with Mr 17's father and a lot more in my time so I can do this and stay strong for everyone for now to hopefully start to become a happier household. I feel so much better already just being able to get it out there off my chest even to random strangers so have a positive outlook again. I'll touch base again after I have had a look through all of your recommendations. Thanks for giving me some hope again xx
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Hi everyone, I just signed up today after reading soem very supportive threads last nightand hoping to get a little help or guidance on what I can do in my situation.
My 17yr old son came out last year that he wanted to be a girl and wanted me to start organising for him to start on hormones etc. I am supportive of whoever my children become but am concerned as I cannot pinpoint one thing during his life which has lead to this, no signs along the way etc. My 19yr old son came out as gay when he was 14 and we kinda already knew before he told us, there were very strong signs. Anyway I don't want him to make a lifelong decision at 16 to change his body in this drastic way so I spoke to him and said I will support you no matter what but start with counselling and I don't want you to start hormones or even look into operations before you are 18 at least. So started our struggle.....
He stays in his room 99.9% of the time, quit his job, won't go back to school or study at TAFE, won't come out of his room to do simple basic chores (all he is meant to do is stack the dishwasher once a day and take the rubbish out as hubby and I both work ). He has a phone which we got on a plan when he was working fulltime in hubby's name which we need to sell now to pay the contract out as we won't pay for it while he is not contributing anything at all to the household, not talking money here but physically get up and do a few chores. He is so defiant and stands there and says NO you will not take the phone. He had it in his pocket half hanging out so i just reached across to grab it and he pushed me, scratched me with his nails, screamed at me and then threw 2 bowls down onto the tiles in the back room and smashed the back window, then threw the phne down the hallway and damaged the wall. I have a 5yr old in the house as well and am worried about him being around this kind of behaviour so I have just not spoken to Mr17 lately just to try and avoid any conflict as there is no reasonable chat trust me I have tried sitting and listening to him but as soon as I speak or try to tell him how we are feeling after listening to him he loses it and storms back to the room.
I offered to buid him a room up in the back shed where he could have his own little cooking oven thingy, toaster, kettle etc and have his own privacy, like moving out but not paying to move out and he loved the idea. I told him I just need to see you show me something in the next few weeks, jump up do your 2 chores and show me that spending all this money on you is worth it....well that lasted 2 days then back to the room and wouldn't come out. He is living in filth and sorry for this but he has bottles that he has urinated in laying on his floor, food scraps and food wrappers everywhere, sexual toys laying on his floor (yes with a 5yr old in the house) and when I ask him to clean it all up he says "when I feel like it". I told him last night if he didn't have it done this morning I would go in and grab a garbage bag and whatever I pick up gets thrown. He threatens me and screams the house down so I am now worried about even stepping foot in that filthy disgusting room.
I had him seeing counsellors and a psychiatrist at Headspace but he now refuses to go there and has missed his last 2 appointments. He will not tell me if there was any diagnosis of depression or anything else, they won't either as he is old enough to seek his own care and if he doesn't want me to know they don't have to tell me. I feel his mental health is not right and apart from physically dragging him out of the room by his ear and physically getting him in that car to go and see someone (which I can't do) I don't see any other way. I have asked his father to take him but he refuses to go to his father's house. He told me he will stay here as long as he wants and he doesn't have to do a thing for anyone while he's here. My husband (his step father for the last 12 years) can't handle it any more it's affecting our marriage as well and apart from him being physical with him which neither one of us wants to happen he has no answers either.
I hate even saying this I love all of my kids but I really don't like him at the moment and I don't want him around while he is like this, especially around Mr 5. I feel I am out of options, I have tried to get him some help he needs but when he refuses I don't know what to try or do next. Can anyone help please?
Sorry this is so long.......
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