My first post here... My daughter is 16. We are 2.5 years into our mental health journey but only diagnosed for the past year. At this stage we’re still looking into more but she is diagnosed with generalised anxiety, depression, and severe panic disorder. I’ve watched a happy, confident, vibrant child who was ready to take on the world, turn into someone who struggles to get through to day without shaking, crying or medication to control her breathing. I used to ask myself if I didn’t work so much would I have noticed more or these signs early that something "wasn't quiet right". Early on I came to the conclusion I can only focus on how we are fairing week by week...sometimes day by day. No amount of beating myself up with make me a better mother - just exhaust me. Some days I feel I don’t know what the hell to do (the hospitalisation weeks, where she simply wants it all to end and makes statements saying she wants to die)....often there is no triggers and no answers. I feel as if I'm bracing for the day that it actually happens. We have a huge team around us of psychologists, psychiatrist, school plans and even a naturopath treating her. I miss who my child was. This makes me the saddest. I can’t accept this change (but haven't let it show). I literally feel like I’m grieving for her when she’s right in front of me. Some days I don’t have the energy to get through the day if I take care of myself or show emotion so I’ve become very good and putting how I feel aside and just getting on with it. Friends often say "I don't know how you cope". I just smile and think to myself....actually I don't think I am. I feel like I have to kick into “robot mode” to hold down my mad schedules and the home schedule. I’m the brave one, I’m the main provider and I’m the one who always carries everyone’s **bleep** and keeps it together. I’m a manager/new business owner and I can’t tell you how much I’ve had to carry emotion wise with covid on my business. One step forward, two back. Emotionally everyone dumps on me and I carry it. All I can say is this journey has shown me who my true friends are and who was never healthy to remain in our lives. In the past month I’ve started to feel higher anxiety within myself and like I’m constant holding back tears. I want to scream when people tell me how hard they have it. I've sought counselling in the past and it’s never made me feel good. I’m considering thoughts around starting counselling in the coming month (I seriously don’t know where I will find the time) but I worry it may actually exhaust me further having to talk about it all. Just seeing and updating my daughters team and the school exhausts me. My sleep is poor but this is nothing new. I've added walking weekly and when I feel the pressure is too high I literally step out and take 30 mins grab a coffee and just have the headspace from it all.
I wanted to ask how many here actually get counselling for themselves or your other children when you have a family member struggling with mental health?
... View more
