Hi My name is Rupert. My wife and I are struggling to teach our 14 year old daughter that her actions have consequences. We recently came across the saying "You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue with their actions." While this would be a wonderful cop-out from trying to get through to our daughter, as parents we just don't have that luxury. Right now we are at our wits end. Our daughter simply will not make the connection between her actions and the consequences that come from them. Our frustration levels are at an all-time high because nothing we say penetrates. We believe she is hanging out with the smokers of the school and know that one of her "friends" is a possible marijuana user. Our daughter has even offered to source marijuana for someone and simply brushes off our concerns. She spends copious amounts of time on social media and treats all of us (her parents and her brother) with complete disinterest. She will not partake of family events and getting her to keep her room tidy and help out around the house is impossible. Nude selfies she sent to a boy have been spread around the school and she still hasn't made the connection between her actions and the outcomes. If we take the WiFi away as punishment, she threatens to kill us, hurls abuse at us and even smashes items in the house. She refuses to speak to any counselors, therapists or psychologists. We would like to take her to the doctor to get her tested for drugs, but that would involve me physically having to drag her into the car. She has run away from home and we had to involve the police to assist with tracking her down. She is convinced that if we put her into foster care that she will not have to live by any rules and that she will be left alone to do as she pleases. My wife and I are completely at a loss where to turn next. We simply cannot get through to our daughter that her actions are unwise and are having a very big negative effect on our little family. Home life is horrible as there is no joy left in our house. We feel absolutely helpless as parents. The coaching hasn't helped. We have looked at boot-camp programs but they are prohibitively expensive and I doubt their effectiveness in our situation. So we have this child that we cannot control. We cannot help her. We cannot communicate with her. We cannot get through to her. We are considering helping her move out the house at 16 and going it alone, as we simply have no other options. No-one has been able to give us any useful tips at all. We've been to parenting seminars, spoken to psychologists, spoken to the school staff, tried the ReachOut coaching - nothing has made a single bit of difference. Do we just have one of those children, a "bad-egg", the kind you see on the news being arrested for their involvement in some terrible crime? Is it inevitable that our daughter will end up there? I don't know that posting this will help at all, but if there are any others out there with children like this, you are not suffering alone. R.
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