All good thanks. We got her in to see a professional psychologist and she was marvellous. My daughter did have some issues that needed resolving and we've seen a big improvement. Giving her space helps, but we still have lots of frustration with her being selfish and lazy. We try not to let it get us - alcohol helps!!
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Hi @Breez-RO My daughter sent the photos to her then boyfriend. According to current legislation, this is transmitting child pornography. I didn't mention that in my earlier emails so you aren't aware of the full details. Hopefully the psychologist can give us some insight into her behaviour. Taking care of oneself is hard. Both of us work, we have to try and run a household and manage two kids. I'm sure other people are capable of handling this with ease but we struggle. Throw in mounting bills and life's pressures keep mounting. However, these are issues we will just have to resolve. R.
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Hi @Ngaio-RO Thanks for the welcome. We've tried dangling a carrot in front of Halo, offering a reward for good behavior. We've tried punishing her for bad behavior. We've tried restricting access to things she values, like social media. We've tried a chores board, we've tried getting her to speak to someone, we've tried to get her to speak to us, or her brother. So far, nothing. When we uncover undesirable behavior we try and explain the consequences that can come from it but she does't see it. Regarding the selfies, yes, she is well aware that the other person is more to blame. It was also explained to her that she needs to shoulder some of that blame. But the suggestive pictures continue on social media, even when we ask her to take them down - a few days later a new one is up. Lying is a constant - we cannot trust her at all. Some days are good, like the old Halo we know. Some days are really bad, like she's been taken over by something. It's a real roller-coaster ride and it's taking it's toll on the rest of her family. I hear you about picking which battles to fight. That is certainly something we can try. Right now she's agreed to see a counselor so hopefully they can make some headway with her. Time will tell.
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I feel your pain. Our daughter has self-harmed in the past. We believe it's over now, but she continues to hang with the wrong crowd at school. The kids we'd ideally like her to hang with have all disowned her. So not telling if it will pick up again.
You are fortunate that you can get her to the doctor and to counseling - our daughter simply refuses to budge and it would require us to physically drag her to the doctor/specialist/etc.
I would love to have some wonderful words of wisdom for you but I don't. I do believe in medication though, and that will hopefully bring some relief for you.
Depending on the meds, they can take a while to kick-in and going off them is not good - try and find a way to keep tabs on ensuring she takes them!
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Hi My name is Rupert. My wife and I are struggling to teach our 14 year old daughter that her actions have consequences. We recently came across the saying "You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue with their actions." While this would be a wonderful cop-out from trying to get through to our daughter, as parents we just don't have that luxury. Right now we are at our wits end. Our daughter simply will not make the connection between her actions and the consequences that come from them. Our frustration levels are at an all-time high because nothing we say penetrates. We believe she is hanging out with the smokers of the school and know that one of her "friends" is a possible marijuana user. Our daughter has even offered to source marijuana for someone and simply brushes off our concerns. She spends copious amounts of time on social media and treats all of us (her parents and her brother) with complete disinterest. She will not partake of family events and getting her to keep her room tidy and help out around the house is impossible. Nude selfies she sent to a boy have been spread around the school and she still hasn't made the connection between her actions and the outcomes. If we take the WiFi away as punishment, she threatens to kill us, hurls abuse at us and even smashes items in the house. She refuses to speak to any counselors, therapists or psychologists. We would like to take her to the doctor to get her tested for drugs, but that would involve me physically having to drag her into the car. She has run away from home and we had to involve the police to assist with tracking her down. She is convinced that if we put her into foster care that she will not have to live by any rules and that she will be left alone to do as she pleases. My wife and I are completely at a loss where to turn next. We simply cannot get through to our daughter that her actions are unwise and are having a very big negative effect on our little family. Home life is horrible as there is no joy left in our house. We feel absolutely helpless as parents. The coaching hasn't helped. We have looked at boot-camp programs but they are prohibitively expensive and I doubt their effectiveness in our situation. So we have this child that we cannot control. We cannot help her. We cannot communicate with her. We cannot get through to her. We are considering helping her move out the house at 16 and going it alone, as we simply have no other options. No-one has been able to give us any useful tips at all. We've been to parenting seminars, spoken to psychologists, spoken to the school staff, tried the ReachOut coaching - nothing has made a single bit of difference. Do we just have one of those children, a "bad-egg", the kind you see on the news being arrested for their involvement in some terrible crime? Is it inevitable that our daughter will end up there? I don't know that posting this will help at all, but if there are any others out there with children like this, you are not suffering alone. R.
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