It's natural for you to want to protect your daughter, and for you to grieve the closeness the three of you shared before he came along, but it's also good that you've acknowledged that your reaction is over the top and you're working to reach a better equilibrium. We are not at the mercy of our thoughts and feelings but we can learn to reign the is the purpose of native behavioural therapy. When you find yourself with repetitive unwanted thoughts, try to put something else in there and break the cycle. Maybe think about a few things ou are grateful for. This young man could also be a blessing in your life and maybe you could go and do something with him like going fishing, or maybe the four of you could go for a bushwalk. A friend of mine's daughter recently got a boyfriend and he hit the roof. she's about 14 and they're just holding hands and going to youth group together so nothing dramatic. But his whole psyche changed and it was a wake up call. Fortunately, he has some good friends and they spoke positively about the young man and I think he's going through some similar views to yourself although at a younger age level. He has to be careful too in my mind because just as the young man is under his microscope, the door swings both ways and young people talk and he could end up copping flack. I am also in a situation where a very close friend of mine recently got married. It's his second marriage and he's been single the whole time I've known him and has been there for many people and has even had people in need staying in his house. This guy is almost pure gold. We've all been able to ring him up and talk about stuff and send a text without having someone looking over his shoulder. He's had the time and space in his life that most of us don't have. There's a very real possibility that he's going to move away and we're all dreading that. It's a case of I'll face that when I come to it but we were all there at their wedding and really genuinely happy for them both and I get on quite well with his wife and look forward to getting to know her better. I have also had a number of old friends cross my path again so that's going to help too. Maybe broadening your social circle might be something to consider as well. Hope this helps and I really admire you for seeing the psychologist, talking to your wife and daughter about your feelings and coming here. Just making those steps alone are significant. Best wishes, Birdwings
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