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13yo SEXTING

13yo SEXTING

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13yo SEXTING

hi, upon a random inspection on my 13yo daughters mobile I have found her sending naked photos to 2 x random boys god knows where in the world AND a boy at her school in her grade.  we are shocked. I have asked the boy at school (via snap chat) to pls delete and he assures me he did not share with any friends at the school,  I hope its true for her sake.

I asked her why, she says no boys at school like her! I mean OMFG!

she is a straight a student, just stunning to look at, and doesn't seem to get the consequences and legal issues with this due to age and lack of consent. the 3 boys sent photos of their erect penises also, I am so horrified at finding this and would love some advise where to go from here? I have been on the safety commission website in Australia all bloody night and will make her sit and watch some clips after school

I have taken her phone and laptop, the only things she has is a school laptop which surely she would nt be so stupid to add snapchta, Instagram or any other stupid dumb aps on.

thanks in advance.

ps. her father is very very angry, he still will not speak to her after yelling and becoming angry, he is very disappointed with her lack of respect I think :-( 

 

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Community Manager

Re: 13yo SEXTING

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Hi @Mummabear3 , 

 

Wow, I imagine seeing those photos on your daughter's phone must have come as a massive shock to you and your partner, it must have been incredibly upsetting to find those photos as well as the graphic photos from the boys. 

 

You're right in that there can be legal issues due to her age, and unfortunately young teenagers often don't think through the potential consequences of actions like this at times.  

 

I just thought I'd share a couple of resources here that you may find useful - the first one is information on sexting from Reachout that is aimed at parents. 

It talks about why teenagers may send nudes, how common it is, and has some suggestions of questions to ask them, as well as information about the legal side of things - as you probably know, sexting is illegal under the age of 18. 

 

The second article here is aimed at teens and may be useful to share with your daughter. The eSafety commisison is also a great place to check out with her too, it sounds like you're all over that already. If she's using a school laptop at the moment it may also be worth having a conversation with her about the possible consequences of sharing inappropriate content  on a school laptop. 

 

I can understand how upset and angry her father must be, but ideally it could be good to have a calm conversation with her about all of this once everyone has calmed down a bit. Is she back at school at the moment?  

 

If you think you and/or your partner would find it helpful, we do offer a free one to one parents'  coaching service over the phone and online, where you can speak to an experienced counsellor - it's a free and confidential service, and sometimes it can be really helpful to talk though issues with a professional. That's available here

 

I'm the mum to a daughter myself who's only a few years younger, and I can imagine it must have been a huge shock to find this stuff on her phone - it sounds like you guys have a good relationship with her, and hopefully this will be an opportunity to have those tricky conversations with her that will help her make safer decisions for herself in the future. Keep us posted on how you get on with her Smiley Happy 

 

 

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Re: 13yo SEXTING

Thank you Janine, all very helpful!

I have just signed up for some advise on 22nd may, can't hurt to reach out and ask advise from the professionals hey!

I only found this place on safety web site today.

She will not be getting her ph back anytime soon, that's for sure.

I'll keep u posted. Thank you for caring.
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Parent Community Champion

Re: 13yo SEXTING

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>I asked her why, she says no boys at school like her! I mean OMFG!

 

Sounds like you have tackled the sexting seriously and will be discussing the issue further on the 22nd. Have you sat down and slowly understand her reasons, examples of why she feels that way? There is a difference between social isolation and loneliness. Some of the most lonely people are popular and highly sociable. 

 

https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/coping-with-loneliness

 

Being really bright and a straight A student may make it harder to connect with others as well maybe? Spending regular time to understand her frustrations, especially with boys may be another way to help tackle her sexting too? 

 

https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/managing-feelings/loneliness-sadness-isolation/how-lo...

 

Loneliness seems to be slowly recognised as an important issue. In the UK there is a minister for loneliness. Loneliness however can be very private experience, and bears no relationship with how amazing everything else on the outside is going unfortunately. 

 

https://theconversation.com/why-addressing-loneliness-in-children-can-prevent-a-lifetime-of-loneline...

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Active scribe

Re: 3 Teenage Daughers HELP!

Did you talk to her about sex before this situation? Perhaps you should talk to her about this, not only from the point of view of physiology, but also it's time to talk about moral responsibility, teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases?

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Re: 13yo SEXTING

Hey @sMarta and @Mummabear3 

 

Just letting you both know that I have moved @sMarta's post from the "teenage daughters HELP" thread to here. Also I removed the "teenage daughters HELP" thread because it doubles up with this thread. That way we have all the conversation to this issue in the one place Smiley Happy. I hope you don't mind @Mummabear3.

 

@Mummabear3 We're glad to hear that you signed up for some professional support. Most of our users who use this service find it really helpful, so hopefully you get something out of it Smiley Happy.

 

How are things going with your daughter?

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Re: 13yo SEXTING

That's fine, thank you
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Re: 13yo SEXTING

Thank you. That's fine I understand.

Hubby still.wont really speak to her but I will keep trying. You have to communicate , she made a bad judgement, she never killed anyone & never robbed a bank. We will be okay. It's really shaken us as a family.


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Re: 13yo SEXTING

He did put some great internet timers on and blocked their netflix to pg and m only. I think a lot of the ma15+ shows hay ha v ed influenced her badly!?

I have talked about safe sex and sti's etc but I will.go over it more this weekend with all 3 sisters.

I feel broken & so sad 😢

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Parent Community Champion

Re: 13yo SEXTING

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>I think a lot of the ma15+ shows hay ha v ed influenced her badly!?

 

Hope the sti and safe sex talk goes well. The relationship between sexting and negative consequences are not clear though. 

   "Sexting is not related to riskier sexual behaviors like having unprotected sex "

- https://edition.cnn.com/2014/05/21/opinion/junco-sexting-teenagers/index.html

 

Also, teens sext for many reasons, so understanding those reasons can help support happier teenagers rather than children feeling blamed and rebelling as the result. 

   "To show off, to entice someone, to show interest in someone, or to prove commitment. Or even as a joke. Teens' developing interest in sex, an impulse to experiment"

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/talking-about-sexting

 

Teenagers are undergoing a tough time in their lives, their brain grow through a growth spurt resulting in impulsive and difficult urges which are very uncomfortable and confusing.

   "Adolescents are naturally impulsive because the teenage brain is still developing the ability to self-regulate."

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