05-13-2020 11:08 AM
hi, upon a random inspection on my 13yo daughters mobile I have found her sending naked photos to 2 x random boys god knows where in the world AND a boy at her school in her grade. we are shocked. I have asked the boy at school (via snap chat) to pls delete and he assures me he did not share with any friends at the school, I hope its true for her sake.
I asked her why, she says no boys at school like her! I mean OMFG!
she is a straight a student, just stunning to look at, and doesn't seem to get the consequences and legal issues with this due to age and lack of consent. the 3 boys sent photos of their erect penises also, I am so horrified at finding this and would love some advise where to go from here? I have been on the safety commission website in Australia all bloody night and will make her sit and watch some clips after school
I have taken her phone and laptop, the only things she has is a school laptop which surely she would nt be so stupid to add snapchta, Instagram or any other stupid dumb aps on.
thanks in advance.
ps. her father is very very angry, he still will not speak to her after yelling and becoming angry, he is very disappointed with her lack of respect I think :-(
05-13-2020 02:30 PM
Hi @Mummabear3 ,
Wow, I imagine seeing those photos on your daughter's phone must have come as a massive shock to you and your partner, it must have been incredibly upsetting to find those photos as well as the graphic photos from the boys.
You're right in that there can be legal issues due to her age, and unfortunately young teenagers often don't think through the potential consequences of actions like this at times.
I just thought I'd share a couple of resources here that you may find useful - the first one is information on sexting from Reachout that is aimed at parents.
It talks about why teenagers may send nudes, how common it is, and has some suggestions of questions to ask them, as well as information about the legal side of things - as you probably know, sexting is illegal under the age of 18.
The second article here is aimed at teens and may be useful to share with your daughter. The eSafety commisison is also a great place to check out with her too, it sounds like you're all over that already. If she's using a school laptop at the moment it may also be worth having a conversation with her about the possible consequences of sharing inappropriate content on a school laptop.
I can understand how upset and angry her father must be, but ideally it could be good to have a calm conversation with her about all of this once everyone has calmed down a bit. Is she back at school at the moment?
If you think you and/or your partner would find it helpful, we do offer a free one to one parents' coaching service over the phone and online, where you can speak to an experienced counsellor - it's a free and confidential service, and sometimes it can be really helpful to talk though issues with a professional. That's available here.
I'm the mum to a daughter myself who's only a few years younger, and I can imagine it must have been a huge shock to find this stuff on her phone - it sounds like you guys have a good relationship with her, and hopefully this will be an opportunity to have those tricky conversations with her that will help her make safer decisions for herself in the future. Keep us posted on how you get on with her
05-13-2020 02:37 PM
05-13-2020 08:46 PM
>I asked her why, she says no boys at school like her! I mean OMFG!
Sounds like you have tackled the sexting seriously and will be discussing the issue further on the 22nd. Have you sat down and slowly understand her reasons, examples of why she feels that way? There is a difference between social isolation and loneliness. Some of the most lonely people are popular and highly sociable.
Being really bright and a straight A student may make it harder to connect with others as well maybe? Spending regular time to understand her frustrations, especially with boys may be another way to help tackle her sexting too?
Loneliness seems to be slowly recognised as an important issue. In the UK there is a minister for loneliness. Loneliness however can be very private experience, and bears no relationship with how amazing everything else on the outside is going unfortunately.
05-15-2020 11:03 AM
Just letting you both know that I have moved @sMarta's post from the "teenage daughters HELP" thread to here. Also I removed the "teenage daughters HELP" thread because it doubles up with this thread. That way we have all the conversation to this issue in the one place . I hope you don't mind @Mummabear3.
@Mummabear3 We're glad to hear that you signed up for some professional support. Most of our users who use this service find it really helpful, so hopefully you get something out of it .
How are things going with your daughter?
05-15-2020 05:42 PM - edited 05-15-2020 07:04 PM
Thank you. That's fine I understand.
Hubby still.wont really speak to her but I will keep trying. You have to communicate , she made a bad judgement, she never killed anyone & never robbed a bank. We will be okay. It's really shaken us as a family.
05-15-2020 05:43 PM
05-16-2020 12:16 PM - edited 05-16-2020 12:17 PM
>I think a lot of the ma15+ shows hay ha v ed influenced her badly!?
Hope the sti and safe sex talk goes well. The relationship between sexting and negative consequences are not clear though.
"Sexting is not related to riskier sexual behaviors like having unprotected sex "
Also, teens sext for many reasons, so understanding those reasons can help support happier teenagers rather than children feeling blamed and rebelling as the result.
"To show off, to entice someone, to show interest in someone, or to prove commitment. Or even as a joke. Teens' developing interest in sex, an impulse to experiment"
Teenagers are undergoing a tough time in their lives, their brain grow through a growth spurt resulting in impulsive and difficult urges which are very uncomfortable and confusing.
"Adolescents are naturally impulsive because the teenage brain is still developing the ability to self-regulate."
05-22-2020 08:12 AM
yes I have been talking to all my 3 daughters since they were about 9 (age appropriate of course) about sex.
I believe knowledge is the key!
My mother told me nothing and threw me in a few books to read when I was 15! I do not want to make that same mistake!