14 year old son doesn’t go out much?

[Girlfish]

Hoping for some support/advice. My son is in Year 9 and really likes school (he changed schools last year). He has heaps of friends at school and is involved in debating and Duke of Ed and he goes to Youth Group with his friends. The only thing is they don’t seem to have any contact outside school or these other activities - they don’t arrange to see each other or text/message. He’s really happy when I arrange something but he doesn’t try and arrange anything himself although I think he’d really like to see more friends outside school. He has a younger brother close in age and a younger sister and we do a lot as a family. He seems happy yet I am a bit baffled as at that age spent a lot of time with friends. Anyone in the same boat??

[Sister]

Hi Girlfish,

That's wonderful your son has friends at school and is involved in activities. Also fabulous that he has a loving family and you do things together. They are great positives.

I have a family member whose son is very similar. Has lots of friends at school, is involved in school activities and does things as a family.

Does it concern your son that he doesn't see friends after school? If it doesn't, I wouldn't be too concerned. If he had little contact at school and was unhappy there, I would make some changes, however if he seems well adjusted....don't be concerned!

Everyone is different and if your son is content with things the way they are then that's fine! If you are really concerned then maybe ask him to ask a friend along to a family outing?

My family member used to be concerned about this issue too but now realises that her son is happy being just who he is. 

Difference is a celebration.

[Chalke5]

Hi @Girlfish, welcome to the forums.  I agree with @Sister. I have a son who rarely socialises with friends.  He too attends family outings and is pleasant when people come to visit.  He has been like this since he was about 16 years old.  He is now 19.  He is bright, eats and sleeps well, doing great academically and occasionally goes surfing with his father.  We were troubled at first by what we considered unsocial behaviour however, realised it was us who was worrying and that our expectations were based around what we considered "normal".  Our son seems content and healthy and we have grown to understand his personality and respect his choices.  Hope this is helpful.

[Erin-RO]

Thanks for sharing @Girlfish

It looks like others have had some similar experiences and I tend to agree, if your son isn't concerned or upset about it then I probably wouldn't worry too much. Perhaps he's the type of person that is social (at home and youth group) but also needs some time at home or alone to recharge a little bit? 

[Girlfish]

Thank you for the response. I think it does bother him a little - but he lacks confidence to try and organise things. I should worry less though because it doesn’t make him unhappy.

[Girlfish]

Thank you. Yes I think I’m probably over worrying - although I think he’d like his friends to be a little more proactive! Hopefully this will come - they are all very “young” 14 year olds, not into parties or anything.