02-08-2018 07:18 PM - last edited on 02-09-2018 04:04 PM by Danielle-RO
@Jo-AnneI understand the situation you are all in.
I have a special needs teen T2 who has been having these issues since she was 5 - these kids start early! She did the drawings, told us how much she hated us, how she wanted to kill herself and description of what she was going to use..
To me those kids we see going through this stuff are just a bit bigger than toddlers but their behaviour is pretty much the same (screaming etc) and yet we expect them to be adults and communicate at the correct level but they are emotionally yrs behind and therefor hate us, wanna leave, we are stupid, know nothing, don't care, don't love .. teens like toddlers are unable to identify - communicate to us their feelings emotions etc.
A few wks ago T2 said to me, Mum I can see what I want to say in my head and I always could, but I just couldn't get the words out. and still can't except via screaming.
We have had to remove things out of her way and it's usually around bullying, low confidence, having a smart twin sister.
It does take a lot of time to gel with a psych and there are many types of meds that she could try. Special needs parents start experiencing with meds with their kids as young as 3 but not everything works for everyone so you just have to persevere until you get the outcome you and your family deserve.
Sometimes just asking them what they want IE the influential friend who is obviously giving her the teen attention (they are their rocks, not us) she so badly wants good or bad is irrelevant, but control and choices can be a major benefit, no doubt she feels extremely out of control, misunderstood, etc. Have you met this friend of hers?
The jealousy thing is very normal for siblings as we all know and moreso when a sibling has MH issues.
They will always blame us - until they have children of their own and realise that omg we do know something.
I have learned that we worry about them far to much, it takes over our lives and we lose yrs of our own independence because they are driving us insane. I also learnt to cry in front of my daughters loud and long they need to know it is normal and not something to be hidden away. They get toilet paper rather then tissues tell me it lasts longer!!
Like my teens, I wear headphones with a super blaster - they do their fall apart screaming and I nod whilst I listen to my fav music and try to book massages to reduce the noise they create in my head.
It is hard but they do love us and they do hate us! if you break down the word hate sad, upset etc that is what they are really telling you when screaming.
Do you have any animals?
Reading special needs families information they are also a very good reference in dealing with our teens and the measures and supports they put in place for their toddlers up. I can honestly tell you all of us have said we hate our kids at any given time. (often hourly) We actually hate their dx and often feel so useless. But we have the strength of steel and when we are old and have memory loss everything will be great. Keep breathing you are doing a great job try not to forget!
02-09-2018 04:18 PM
Thanks so much for this thoughtful and compassionate reply I so appreciate the positive contribution you make here. Just a quick note to let you know that we have made a couple of edits to your post so that it fits into our Community Guidelines - I hope you don't mind. I have emailed you about one of these as well so check that out when you have a second and if you have any questions I am really happy to chat there.