Advice with my teenage daughters

[sunflowermom]

My daughter is 14.  We have  made some progress but the road has been really slow.  We are in the day to day trenches at this point.  In fact she still cant be alone for any amount of time and sleeps with me most nights.  I even bring her to work with me after she wakes up and she sits in my office and watches a movie.  We will be starting home school soon. Hoping that gives her more to focus on.  I keep trying to put a date on the progress like saying to myself- by saying she will be so much better by March.  But I think I could be setting myself up for disappointment.

[amandanw]

I hear all of what your saying....14 poor soul and poor you!!!
In the same boat as you but can’t help feel like we might actually a little further down the track,(but who knows??) these adolescent years are aweful when there is mental illness involved...add social media (which we did keep ours off for a long time) social pressure/bullying etc!!!
I’ve encouraged our daughter to keep a diary to write down her thoughts....putting it out there for no one else to read, no judgement etc, I’ve found she herself can track her progress and then down falls....
One thing for sure if and when we come through this I am going to dedicate my time to support other parents going through what we are going through, I can’t help feel that this general issue will be a continuum xx

[sunflowermom]

I agree with you that once I am through the other side of this I want to help parents too.  It feel so isolating even with friends and family helping the best they can.  This group has been a Godsend in helping me get out some emotions.

I love the idea that your daughter journals.  Mine does not like to write too much- but I think she is using it more.  We are also starting to limit the social media but my daughter claims its the only way she keeps in touch with her friends right now since she not going to school and we live in the country.

I did want to mention from an earlier post regarding pot.  We tried to get a medical card for it for my daughter for extreme anxiety.  She has used it in the past casually and it seemed to help at the moment.  But the Dr did not recommend it because she said with antidepressants and pot it could make her very manic. What are your thoughts or experience with that?

[Sister]

Hi SunflowerMum and Amanda,

Your posts really resonated with me. Its a tough road.

The journalling is a real plus....anything to get those emotions out.

Regarding the pot.......not a good thing at all for the adolescents brain function. Especially when they have a predisposition to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. A lot of the pot around these days can be synthetic and not so natural. It can predispose vulnerable adolescents (such as ours) into psychosis. Not trying to scare you but I have seen this happen.

I know what you both mean about helping others. Going through these challenges is ongoing and really makes us aware of others and just what they might be experiencing. Through my own experiences with my son, I have learnt to not be judgemental of others and also to REALLY LISTEN to people. If we can use our challenges to help others then that is a positive aspect.

Take Care of yourselves.

"Sister"

[sunflowermom]

Hi Sister-

I totally hear what you are saying in regards to the pot.  And that is basically what her Dr said.  So at this point she is staying away from it.  At least in my home anyway.  She really is too young anyway. It just really seemed to calm her in a bad moment and after  ER visits for suicidal thoughts I am willing to try just about anything.

I have found so much kindness and support in others.  Its so hard to reach out to others and ask for help.  I am really changing my views on that.  We need people.  We are not a burden ( like I always felt like) I am hoping my daughter sees my new behavior and feels more comfortable reaching out more too.

[Sister]

Sunflower......so glad you understand about the pot. I didn't wish to come across as judgemental...its the fact that smoking it really can trigger a magnification of mental health issues. I know (from my own teenagers perspective) it CAN relax someone momentarily, but it is the after effects that can be toublesome. You seem aware of this and it is understandable that you were willing to try "anything".....there are times when I have felt like that too.

I also identify with you totally in regards to reaching out and the feelings of being "a burden" to others.

For years, my family and I kept my sons issues to ourselves. His home behaviours were hidden and I kept hoping he would "grow out of" his ADD symptoms. Aside from the fear of being judged and not wishing to "burden" others, I wanted to protect my son from being thought of as being different. However, I have learnt that difference can be a celebration and we needn't be embarrased. Its a difficult choice because we put pressure on ourselves as parents by trying to do the "right" thing. However.......through being more open (and still to a select few) we can encourage our children to reflect this openness too.

So, I can relate to your own changing views about reaching out and hoping it will encourage our teens to ask for help as well.

Have you tried Mindfulness to assist with your (natural) fears around your daughters past suicidal thinking?

I practice this as often as I can.....not just during moments of crisis, but as a routine thing. It can help calm our own fears and racing thoughts.

Through all of my sons problems, I have learnt yet another thing. We need to work on ourselves and our own reactions to help our children. Easier said than done, but not impossible!

Good luck with your daughter. How is she now?

[taokat]

Hey @Sister, @amandanw and @sunflowermom, I just wanted to say that although I've been quiet I've loved the compassion, encouragement, knowledge and love for your kids that you all show in this thread. 

Just so you know, you're all already supporting other parents just by sharing with us 

[amandanw]

Yes have to agree, with a dual diagnosis of depression and drug addiction it’s very difficult to treat one without elimating the other, from our perspective will be quite a process!
The short term gain of the calm versus the long term mind altering effect is significant.
At least our daughter now has agreed to engage with a drug and and alcohol counsellor whom she really has coneected with!!
The problem we have found is finding the right support services to wrap around her, this really was our last shot in the locker so it’s a godsend we’ve found someone she’ll actially talk to!!
I’m guessing living in the country you’re access to support services would be minimal???? Very tough for you and her!!
I need to be honest that I’m a police officer and I’ve found that some of the jobs I’ve been to (involving youth Suicide) play over and over in my mind thinking is that what we’re going to come home to one day!!!
Thank you all for being there for support, I’m here too, anytime....

[taokat]

Hi @amandanw, I'm so glad to hear your daughter has found someone she's made a connection with. We've been through many services and counsellors to find the right fit too - my daughter ended up requesting to go back to the first counsellor she saw and that's been a regular thing for a couple of years now. I really love your wording - "The problem we have found is finding the right support services to wrap around her..." - what a beautiful description of the care we want for our teens. 

I really feel for you and the work you have come across as an officer. While I understand that fear of coming home one day to the unimaginable, I cannot imagine dealing with that fear with the images from those jobs attached. Just heartbreaking. You guys do an amazing job, thank you.

[taokat]

I wanted to share a tip with you guys too. If you type the @ symbol it brings up the list of members in the conversation so you can tag who you like. If you wish to tag someone who's not in the conversation type the @ symbol and the first few letters of the member's name to bring it up a list from which you can choose the member you wish to tag