Any other 14 year olds disruptive in class and attention seeking behaviors in class?

[thistooshalpass]

My 14 year old son has always been considered the “class clown”. He is very over the top dramatic by nature.  I was hoping this behaviour would sort of mellow out in time as last school year was terrible.  Call after call and email after email from teachers, principals and counsellors regarding his disruptive and defiant behavior in the classroom.  I was glad when summer holidays was here.  Now only 3 weeks into the school year already his teachers are complaining about his disruptive behavior in the classroom which is distracting other kids and potentially hurting his learning in the classroom.  I feel that this behavior from him is immature and very much attention seeking, he’s always been attention seeking.

I have had him assessed and there is nothing developmentally wrong with him. He has been ongoing seeing a counsellor and now a psychologist which helps with some things but doesn’t seem to be helping in the classroom. 

Any other parents of teens in the same situation? He can’t be the only one. 

[Chalke5]

Hi @thistooshalpass this situation must be so frustrating I know exactly how you are feeling.  My youngest son sounds very similar.  He was actually quite bright especially at maths and science but something happened when he turned 14 and he stopped being so competitive and started not going to school classes (he would hang out behind the school toilets), became disruptive when in class and the endless phone calls from teachers and meetings I had was embarrassing.  This went on for the next two years.  When he was 16 we helped him obtain an apprenticeship and he left school. Things changed dramatically.  He matured over night and has remained focused.  However I would like to mention that for us punishment never really worked ie not giving money or grounding him.  He did what he was told but his attitude towards school didn't change.  We tried to only praise good things he did, I offered to buy him a new skate board if he attended every class for a month, the things we tried were endless.  There is hope and your son will be OK because he has a caring parent.

[Breez-RO]

Hey there @thistooshalpass, sounds challenging, thank you for sharing this. Have you sat down and asked him why he feels the need to disrupt? My younger brother is having massive issues and we found asking open ended questions really helped get to the core of the issue.

Initially we got a lot of "I don't know's" which turned into "I don't understand the work" which turned into "I am embarrassed I don't understand the work". It was interesting to learn what his in-class triggers were.

It's so good that your son is seeing a counsellor ongoing, I am sorry to hear it's not improving the classroom learning habits.

Can I ask, what is he like studying one-on-one or alone? Is it just a group dynamic? Look forward to hearing from you.

[thistooshalpass]

Thank you so much for the response. When working with someone one on one sometimes he likes to claim he doesn't understand and gets distracted easily. When he's working on his own he can be productive if he fully understands what he is to be doing but due to his attention seeking behaviour during class he often misses directions so struggles when it's time to do the work and then chooses to do everything BUT the work.

I have a meeting set up with his teacher this week. I'm hoping it helps.

[thistooshalpass]

Thank you. I do like to focus on the good and praise him whenever I can for it. I too think it's important. He's been like this in school since I can remember so I'm just really hoping he grows up enough really soon to behave like the other kids when he's around them. I never want him to stop being himself ever cause I think he's amazing. Just mature enough to know when it's important to listen and buckle down to get work done.

[taokat]

Hey @thistooshalpass, I just had a thought reading through your post that may seem left field. Have you had his hearing and eyesight checked out? 

It's a long time ago now, but my brother was very disruptive in the classroom too until it was discovered he had hearing problems, so I just thought I'd throw that in as a possibility. 

It must be very stressful for you. Do you manage to make the time to practice self care to keep you going?

[Mumsy]

Hi

Just wondered if you had any resolution on your 14 year old? I'm going through exactly the same thing and I'm at my wits end knowing what to do with my 14 year old

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Mumsy welcome to ReachOut. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing with your 14 year old, it sounds like you're struggling. I'm wondering if you have spoken to a Counsellor or School Counsellor about this? What specifically has been happening for you and your son or daughter? As this is an older thread, please feel free to post a new one which will allow other members to see it and provide some support. We're here for you 

[pd417]

You are not the only one going through this.  We're here in the U.S. and our 14 year old son is basically having the same problems as yours.  From K-6th grade, he was the model student, good grades, quiet and respectful. As soon as he hit middle school, he changed completely.  His grades were still good, but he became the "class clown", which caused disruption in his classes.  We have gotten email after email from his teachers saying he is disruptive.  We have a talk with him, then his teacher(s) talk with him, he says he understands what he did was wrong and apologizes to the teacher.  The problem is that this will only last a week or two then he's back to his usual behavior and the cycle starts again.  

We have him seeing an educational therapist and she's helping some, but his behavior never really changes.  We don't know if this is just normal teen rebellious behavior or something more.  All I do know is my wife and I really don't know what else to do to help him.

If anyone has any ideas or solutions that worked for you, please let me know.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @pd417,

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for making your first post. I am really sorry to hear that schooling has been challenging for your son. You mentioned that he is seeking the support of an educational therapist, are you able to tell us a bit more about what that entails? We would love to learn more about what the role of an educational therapist and how they can support kids struggling at school.

Sometimes young people turn to acting out in class as a stage or socially, and then there are some others who do when there are other things happening in their lives that may be overwhelming or that they are struggling to cope with. Has your son seen the school counsellor or an outside counsellor before to help make sense of what is happening at the moment?

If he is not willing to see someone, it can be helpful for you to speak with a health professional about what is happening at school and see if they have any advice or ideas to offer. 

What are your thoughts? Check back in with us when you can