Grandparent abuse

[sgrad]

My daughter and two Grandchildren moved in with me about 13 years ago.  My daughter is bipolar and my other daughter and myself were a big force in raising her two children.  My grandson started lying to me and leaving the house when we were all asleep.  I found out he was smoking pot and he confessed to it.  He started where he would get into my face and yell at me.  Once he pushed me and I hit my head on the wall and fell down.  He would not do school work and would get so angry that he punched two holes in my walls.

He recently went to live with he father as I have a bad heart and could not handle it any longer. He is doing well at his Fathers and his Father does not believe me that he was abusive.  My daughter and I were hoping he would get him into counseling which we could not. Now my grandson is telling everyone that I kicked him out and I did not .  We all discussed it and I thought his Father could help him.

My grandson does not want anything to do with me and I cry all of the time over this.  My daughter and I thought we were doing what was right because we thought he might need to spend time with his Father and he could help him which we could not. He is telling his Mother he never loved her and he was just pretending he did. I need to stop crying as when I do I feel the pressure in my chest and feel this is killing me.  It hurts so much that my grandson was abusing me and yet I still want to talk to him and he does not want to have anything to do with me.  

[Janine-RO]

Hi @sgrad , 

My heart went out to you reading your post, that sounds like an incredibly difficult set of circumstances that you and your family are having to navigate. It sounds like you've been a wonderful, supportive and loving grandparent and parent to your daughter in a challenging time.

I'm hearing that things really escalated for you all recently, and I can imagine it would be been distressing and traumatic to have your grandson who you love become violent with you. It can be beyond difficult when our loved ones are struggling but don't accept that they need help, and even worse when that turns into violent conflict. 

Can I ask if you're feeling safe around him now that he's not living with you? That must have been terrible, especially when you're now hearing that he's telling other people things that aren't true. 

We do have some resources that might be helpful for you that give some practical advice :

What to do if my teenager doesn't want help

Anger and teenagers

How to calm down an angry teenager

It's also so important that you're supported through this - do you have family and friends who can support you? I'm hearing that you're also having physical symptoms which sounds really distressing - have you chatted to your doctor about this? 

We're an Australian service but I'd be happy to look at options for you - or if you'd like to connect with some other parents in a similar boat, we have this space:

Connect and chat with other parents and carers: what do you do when your teenager refuses to get hel... 

You're not alone, and I hope that we can help support you in some way. Thanks so much for posting and sharing your story