Hi @blueskies ,
I'm here as another parent, and I have a 16 year old a son and 14 year old daughter. Meanwhile, I have a chronic to acute auto-immune disease and have had periods throughout the kids' lives where my treatments have been intense. My life hanging in the balance and the kids have been traumatised. It was also my job to seek help for them and do what I could to help my husband and try to support us all through this as best I could. I wasn't able to work for quite awhile because I had chemo, and my values shifted as well and the kids also needed me. By this stage we'd pulled in our belts and were getting by. I am currently deeply embroiled in research and hoping to relaunch myself along an acadmic trajectory somehow.
So, that's a bit of my background. I know a lot about appointments too.
However, it's actually my experiences as a teenager which come to mind for you. When I was about 16 one of my friends developed acute anorexia. Not only did she lose a lot of weight, but she also went silent. This was a huge change, because she'd previously been very funny and the clown (which in hindsight was a warning, but when you're laughing it doesn't necessarily twig). It's been over 30 years, and I haven't forgotten what it was like to watch my friend vanish before my eyes. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Then, I rang up to speak to her in the holidays, and her mum told me she was in hospital and what was going on. We had a wonderful talk and I know I spoke to her a few times and he helped each other get through.
However, as you know, that was only one side of the coin. The biggest trouble we faced was how to bring her back outside of herself, and she did come back but it took quite awhile and she found many of us had moved on a bit when she did.
Around this time, my mother also closed down after my brother had got into some difficulties. I couldn't reach her either and she watched a lot of TV to cope. She couldn't talk about things. Wouldn't seek professional help and again I was left sitting on the fence watching.
I'm not a professional but it seems these people really need so much patience and the time and space to be able to make those really small , almost invisible steps forward without being hit of the head and dragged out too quickly. It's very hard when you're not seeing any progress and all seems lost but none of this probably makes sense anyway. I am an extroverted extrovert and my daughter is an introvert and she really clams up and when I took her to a psychologist, she curled into foetal position and shut off completely. The psychologist's efforts to reach out to touch her, only made it worse. Since then, I've had to be her support.
There are a few things that have helped me over the years.
Never under-estimate the importance of your love for your daughter and it's power to heal and it's already making a difference. Love is the greatest healer of all.
The power of nature for all of you. You don't even need to get outside. You can go to your happy place inside your head. Picture something that makes you happy.
Have a cup of tea in a nice cup. I collect antique and vintage cups. A cup of tea takes 5 minutes out of your day but can just give you a breather.
I'm a dog person. Our family has three dogs, which I consider therapy dogs. They are so loving and caring and a wag of the tail is so uplifting. You can get specially trained anxiety therapy dogs, and one of my friends has had one for her daughter who experiences anxiety.
Journalling either for yourself or your daughter.
Acknowledge to yourself when it's getting too much. You might not be able to change anything but I think it is good to acknowledge the load you're carrying and give yourself a pat on the back even if it is very hard, you're not coping. There is no perfect when you're going through stuff like this.
Lastly, I think we need to have some kind of public acknowledge of "Intensive Care" for people going through hard times but aren't in a hospital intensive care ward. Where you might need a friend to cook a meal once a week or for someone to set up a meal roster for awhile. A friend of mine took in a hopeless guy and was a bit overwhelmed by some of his issues but we went round and cooked dinner. I knew someone like him and felt quite comfortable with the situation. A church had taken him in for 6 months. So, it can and should be a team effort where possible.
Not everyone is capable of being there, and I suspect there are very few people who are actually "okay" through covid. It's putting an extra layer of stress on everyone, and as a business owner I'd imagine it's putting quite a load on you.
I hope some of this helps. It's a long road and hopefully you'll find a few people here who can be there with you along the way.
Best wishes,
Birdwings
How long has she been seeing her psychologist? Have there been any improvements since she began?
