I can't handle this anymore

[Bre-RO]

Hi @Ilonija 

I'm happy that you found your way to our forums and that you have taken something from the suggestions made by @taokat. 

I'm sorry to hear that this situation is causing you to feel anxious and alone - it sounds like some more catch ups with your friends would be good for you during this time. I'm also wondering if you've thought about seeking some support for yourself? Maybe a counsellor to talk through this with? 

We are of course here for you as well! 

[Kmo71276]

Girl I can’t either!! Our story (like most on here) sound so similar as the only difference is I have a 15 y/o daughter who thinks she runs the GD house! What happened to parents it’s like all of a sudden we have absolutely no control! For example, my daughter was being very disrespectful to her father & I last night so we told her she’s grounded for 2 weeks. Well, today comes and she wants her bf to come over so I reminded her that Dad & I told you that you were grounded for 2 weeks for being so disrespectful last night. So what did she do...she threw the biggest hissy fit in the world! Yelling, screaming, swearing, berating, and the list goes on and on and on this morning, almost as if it had just carried over from last night, Lol! Any hoo, I told her bf he was not to come over because my daughter was being punished and thought that was that. Well, here I am minding my own business in the sanctuary of my living room when guess who gets dropped off? Yup, her bf! So, I looked at my daughter and said you were specifically told not to have him over (FYI - he’s a nice kid I have no problem w/him) and what does she say to me “well this is the last time I’ll see him till next week. So, I said, not my problem and you probably should’ve behaved last night and we wouldn’t be having to this problem now would we. Then it’s on to the BF, I said to him did I or did I not tell you to come over today and he said you told me not to come over then I said yet here we all are!

My God am I in Bizzarro-Land or something? My husband works during the day and I’m a stay at home mom so a lot of this is put on my shoulders BUT I just can’t take it anymore! Had I ever pulled a stunt like that with my mom and dad growing up I wouldn't have had to worry about ever going out again!! People this is what we are dealing with on a daily basis! I feel like the worst mother on the planet! And, I just don’t get why everyone else can have rules in their house EXCEPT us apparently. She is so vile and mean to me she makes me cry on a daily basis. I feel like pulling teeth would be a more humane for of torture than this and there’s no one to turn to for help!

[Mitchell54]

These messages were from a while ago but I am wondering if there is any resolutions to this - my 18 year old daughter has slowly changed from a sweet, sometimes dramatic girl to a nasty, spoiled one who has me in tears every day with her attitude.  I think she is depressed and we have started counselling for her but she only tells them half truths.  She's lazy, doesn't do a thing around the house and if you ask her to do anything or don't do something she wants she storms off and refuses to move from her bedroom.  All she does is eat and binge watch t.v. shows.  Her motivation for school work is all but done and she's gone from good grades to failing just before the HSC.  It's all so depressing and it effects the entire household including her younger sister and my marriage.  We are at a loss at what to do as she doesn't seem to care one bit that she upsets everyone and in fact seems to try even harder to say mean thing to get a reaction.  Any advice please?

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Mitchell54 , 

It can be so tough as a parent watching your child struggling like that, especially when it feels like they've changed from the child that you thought that you knew. Has your daughter been able to open up to you about anything that may have happened in her life that's contributing to how she's feeling at all? 

It's great to hear that she's seeing a counsellor - how long has she been seeing them for? It can take time to build a good relationship with a health care professional, and sometimes it can take a few tries to find the right fit. If you think she'd be interested, organisations like Kids Helpline  and 

Headspace 

also provide free phone and online counselling. 

I'm also wondering if you've had any support for yourself and your family? It sounds like it's been a really stressful time for you and it can help a lot for parents to get their own support when they're helping to support their teens through mental health issues. We do offer a free one to one parents support service here if you'd be interested. 

Does your daughter have any plans for what she'd like to do next year when she's finished school? It's been an especially rough year for a lot of teenagers.  

Keep us posted on how she, and you, are getting on - we are always here to talk. 

[Calmsees]

Good chance Your daughter and taking drugs and alcohol. Some kids get angry and aggressive when they are on them.

Our daughter was the sweetest girl, popular, pretty, intelligent but when introduced to drugs at highschool turned into a total scumbag and tells lies about us yelling and abusing her. It actually is teenager to parental abuse she does, threatening us if we don’t buy things for her, she lies to the authorities to get attention and now we have a supportive group that discovered exactly what she was like when she went into care with them.She doesn’t want to live with us and tells everyone that she would rather be homeless than live with us. She has burnt all her bridges with her friends. Puts herself in danger, self-harms, has lots of piercings now wants to be binary, cut her beautiful hair. We are at a point that we don’t want her in our house anymore as she is disrespectful and try’s to create a negative environment by trying to turn us all against each other.

She has gone into rehab 3 times with the last time her taking drugs in to give to the others and getting caught and kicked out. Then got sent home to us for a week to try again in a weeks time.

I don’t understand this, my husband and I are good citizens, served our country and community for years to then have this scumbag of a kid. We love our daughter but like you cannot handle it anymore.
This has been our life for the past 3 years. I fully understand where you are coming from. I noticed that your post is a few years old. How are you faring now?

[Philippa-RO]

Hi @Calmsees and welcome to the forums – we’re so glad you reached out here for support.

If you would like to discuss your situation some more, please feel free to create a thread of your own here.

It sounds like your family has been through some really tough times in recent years, how heartbreaking that your daughter has lost relationships, etc since she was introduced to drugs at highschool.

I can hear the grief underlying your words and I really feel for all of you.

I’m also hearing that you love your daughter, but you’re finding it painful to continue supporting her at the moment. Are there other support options that she could turn to so you can take some space?

Do you have much support yourself or anyone you can talk to?

[jcgaustin]

@Ilonija - Its been 2 years and I am curious how this has turned out or how its going.  I am currently in the EXACT same situation and considering having husband and teen move out while youngest daughter and I try to live in peace.

[Philippa-RO]

@jcgaustin welcome to the forums.
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time - if you'd like to talk more about it, please feel free to create a new thread about it here if you'd like to.

I can only imagine how stressed you must be feeling to be considering living apart from your husband and older daughter. Do you have any support for yourself through this?

[Metoo]

My daughter had been suffering depression for 5 years and it’s hard on the whole family. Especially when they don’t listen to the advise they’re given. It is especially hard on younger siblings who bear the brunt of their moods.
Hang in there. Maybe get some help for yourself if she’s not accepting it right now.
Take care. It’s hard.

[allibullbull]

I'm actually experiencing the same as you with my 17 year old daughter...my mental health is suffering and I'm falling deeper and deeper into depression and feel at my lowest point in my life..I'm having anxiety episodes and totally anxious...I don't think I can deal with her anymore.. She had turned toxic and I just can't live with her anymore so I understand what your going through... sorry I can't help you as I don't know what to do myself, what direction to turn. I feel my only option is to find to find someone for her to live for a while and get some help before I end up in the hospital...I never felt this low in my life in the 17 years I've experienced as a single mum