Dear Hurting Mum,
I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak and the troubles you're having. As a Mum myself and when my kids are argumentative or angry, I think back to when he arrived in the world and how happy we were and his smiles when he was little and wonder what happened. In our instance, I've had severe chronic health and there were times when he was really small where he kicked me in the shins. He was clearly angry about things, but how to channel that anger. There is a system called The Zones of Regulation which we worked through with a psychologist and occupational therapist.
his would be worth you checking out to inform yourself. However, he's now 16 and with the situation at his dad's place blowing up and his abusive language towards you, is obviously a serious concern. Have you been in touch with any local youth support services? Is he still at school? If so, have you spoken to the school counsellor?
Meanwhile, I recommend you do things to look after yourself and keep yourself fit for the battle, because trying to bring your teenagers through troubled waters is a battle. A few simple self-care things I've used have been a cup of tea in a nice cup, a walk, photography, writing in a diary, gardening, having coffee with a friend.
I think it's important to remind yourself of your son's good points while dealing with the more troubled times. It reminds you of your love for him and what you're fighting for.
I also wanted to address your son's abusive language towards you. I do think it's important for your son to show you respect. You haven't mentioned whether your son has hit you or other family members. Is that a concern? Do you feel safe?
I hope this helps. I am hoping someone else might be able to add to this.
Take care & best wishes,
Birdwings
