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My 16yr old son was force out his dads house becoz his granny hit him with a fist again. But i picked him up next to the road becoz he run away from his dads house. He gas been displaying a different him since last year 2019. Since last week monday me and him have been on good feet ans ground. But a day after he will tell me i am a **bleep** and not his mom. That i can go **bleep** and go **bleep** myself. He refuse to talk decent to me or help in the house and have push ne away few times... i dont know what to do. Advice from people expierence the same problem will help.

Warm regards
Hurting mom


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Community Manager
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Re: I need help

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Hi @mysafehaven73 , 

 

It sounds like a really difficult situation with your son and it's great that you've reached out here for help and support . It sounds like things were pretty bad  at his dad's house, you mentioned that his granny hit him with a fist again - can I ask if this is something that had happened before? Is your son living with you full time now? 

 

I think that @Birdwings  has put it perfectly - that it's really important to remind yourself of what you love about your son, but at the same time you deserve to be treated with respect, and it's not OK if you are feeling unsafe in your own home. You mentioned that your son has pushed you away a few times, has he been violent towards you at all? 

 

1800 RESPECT

 

is a really great resource for people who are experiencing any kind of domestic violence, and they offer a free phone counselling service ( 1800 737 732 ) and  online chat. If you think it would help to chat to a counsellor I can highly recommend them - they can also help to chat through your options, and help to develop a safety plan if you're ever feeling unsafe at home.  

 

We also have some great resources on anger and teenagers here. 

 

Is your son at school, or working  at the moment? It sounds like it could be really good for him to talk to someone about how he is feeling and work on ways to manage his anger- a school counsellor can be a great place to start, or Headspace also offer great free service for young people, both online and in person.  You mention that he seemed to become a different person since last year - do you know if there's anything that happened in his life to cause that at all? 

 

Thinking of you - it sounds like such a tough situation, and you don't have to go through it alone. We are always here if you need to vent or talk about what is happening for you. 

 

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Parent Community Champion

Re: I need help

Dear Hurting Mum,

I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak and the troubles you're having. As a Mum myself and when my kids are argumentative or angry, I think back to when he arrived in the world and how happy we were and his smiles when he was little and wonder what happened. In our instance, I've had severe chronic health and there were times when he was really small where he kicked me in the shins. He was clearly angry about things, but how to channel that anger. There is a system called The Zones of Regulation which we worked through with a psychologist and occupational therapist. 

his would be worth you checking out to inform yourself. However, he's now 16 and with the situation at his dad's place blowing up and his abusive language towards you, is obviously a serious concern. Have you been in touch with any local youth support services? Is he still at school? If so, have you spoken to the school counsellor? 

Meanwhile, I recommend you do things to look after yourself and keep yourself fit for the battle, because trying to bring your teenagers through troubled waters is a battle. A few simple self-care things I've used have been a cup of tea in a nice cup, a walk, photography, writing in a diary, gardening, having coffee with a friend. 

I think it's important to remind yourself of your son's good points while dealing with the more troubled times. It reminds you of your love for him and what you're fighting for. 

I also wanted to address your son's abusive language towards you. I do think it's important for your son to show you respect. You haven't mentioned whether your son has hit you or other family members. Is that a concern? Do you feel safe? 

I hope this helps. I am hoping someone else might be able to add to this. 

Take care & best wishes,

Birdwings

Community Manager
Solution

Re: I need help

Message contains a hyperlink

Hi @mysafehaven73 , 

 

It sounds like a really difficult situation with your son and it's great that you've reached out here for help and support . It sounds like things were pretty bad  at his dad's house, you mentioned that his granny hit him with a fist again - can I ask if this is something that had happened before? Is your son living with you full time now? 

 

I think that @Birdwings  has put it perfectly - that it's really important to remind yourself of what you love about your son, but at the same time you deserve to be treated with respect, and it's not OK if you are feeling unsafe in your own home. You mentioned that your son has pushed you away a few times, has he been violent towards you at all? 

 

1800 RESPECT

 

is a really great resource for people who are experiencing any kind of domestic violence, and they offer a free phone counselling service ( 1800 737 732 ) and  online chat. If you think it would help to chat to a counsellor I can highly recommend them - they can also help to chat through your options, and help to develop a safety plan if you're ever feeling unsafe at home.  

 

We also have some great resources on anger and teenagers here. 

 

Is your son at school, or working  at the moment? It sounds like it could be really good for him to talk to someone about how he is feeling and work on ways to manage his anger- a school counsellor can be a great place to start, or Headspace also offer great free service for young people, both online and in person.  You mention that he seemed to become a different person since last year - do you know if there's anything that happened in his life to cause that at all? 

 

Thinking of you - it sounds like such a tough situation, and you don't have to go through it alone. We are always here if you need to vent or talk about what is happening for you. 

 

View solution in original post