I've learnt my daughter is hooking

[gina-Ro]

hi @Helplessmum this all sounds really really challenging, and I agree with @Tulip that your health and wellbeing have to be the priority here. 

You've been carrying so much things for your family for such a long period of time, and its so understandable that you're exhausted. 
Have you thought about, or have you already, accessed counselling or psychology to discuss your own self care and emotional health?

Your daughter, like everyone, will make her own decisions that you can't control, and sadly this choice is conflicting really strongly with your values. I can hear from these messages how much you love and care for your daughter, and of course you will always love her. 

Perhaps she didn't tell you initially because she knew you wouldn't agree with the work choice she has made - she may have been trying to protect her relationship with you as well  - it's obviously something she cares about. 
Do you think you can focus on the other parts of her life that you do support, even if you don't support her work? Maybe you could also ask you daughter for more information around her workplace and what positive things are in place to keep her safe and healthy at work? 

We are all here to listen, and be a sound board. Let us know how you're tracking. 

[Helplessmum]

Thanks Gina & Tulip,

my my daughter and I caught up today for a cuppa and chat. It is evident she is aware of my love for her, but I have also made it known that I do not agree or support her current job, and probably never will. However I have accepted that this is her choice and her life to lead. She respects this. 

It was a massive shock, and my first instinct was to try and change things and protect her. The hardest thing was acknowledging I had no control of this and couldn't make her change her mind.

We have recently attended counselling together to work on getting our relationship back on track. I will then continue going on my own to work on me and my future. I am a very positive person and have wonderful friendship support. There is however a limit to what I would tell them about the current situation, as I feel they too would be shocked by the news. I also don't want others to judge her. So, I'll instead spend quality time with my friends and family and try to enjoy life as much as I have in the past.

[Lahlah]

There is some incredible advice in this thread, probably some of the best I’ve ever heard. It makes me so glad I found this service and feel I will absolutely get the help I need with my own daughter. I’m so glad your relationship with your daughter is valuable enough to you to respond the way you have here, it certainly inspires me that you are being open to listen. Sometimes that’s all it takes. I agree so passionately with Gina regarding understanding why she has chosen the path she has, I think it may enlighten you both, and perhaps it will open an opportunity to find a happy medium.  I wish the very best for you both. Xx

[Tulip]

Hi @Helplessmum I'm happy for you that you were able to attend some counselling with your daughter and although you disagree with her choice she knows that you love her and that's important. It's great you have a some good friends sometimes you just need to get out with them and forget about your troubles for a while. I hope you feel like you were able to unload a bit here , no one is going to judge you we are all going through some stuff. Good luck to you x

[gina-Ro]

Hi again @Helplessmum , thank you for sharing with us how things went. 

Really glad to hear that you were able to get a cuppa and have a productive chat about all of this. It really does sound like such a beautiful relationship, and I think it's amazing that you're both dedicated to working through this challenge. 

I can imagine it must be really challenging for you to accept her choice when you don't agree with it, so all credit to you for that. 

Awesome to hear that you've attend counselling and will continue to go, as it sounds like it could be really beneficial for you to have a space to get support for yourself. 

Spending time with your wonderful friendship group,  and family, and enjoying things you used to enjoy is a great way forward - and as you say, people don't need to know everything about your daughter's occupation. It sounds like she prefers it to be kept private as well. 

We're all here for you, let us know how things go this week 

[gina-Ro]

Hi @Helplessmum, I'm just wondering how everything has gone since you last posted? 

Hope you and your daughter are doing well, and have been able to reach a better understanding of each other.

I'm sure your relationship will grow as a result of the hard work you're putting into loving and understanding your daughter. 

Here to listen.