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Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

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Re: Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

Yes its called World of Warcraft..he does have a few friends on there and he suspects a couple of boys in his class also play it but hes too shy to ask them...even though they are just as shy and quiet as he is. I do worry that him playing the online stuff so much is intereferi g with his ability to make friends at school or the community. Talking online is easy for him but not challenging his shyness..does that make sense?

 

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Re: Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

@goingcrazy I think youre right about us having to adjust to modern ways of communicating. My son does spend time messaging...he doesnt have a huge message list and although he has facebook, he never losts on it. He thinks most of the boys in his class are pretty dumb...like they pretend to be cool. He sits next to two girls whk also think all the boys are stupid and noisy. Hes a complex kid. I am so new to all this and I wory that him being in his room so much means hes depressed or feeling that I dont want to spend time with him ...even though I ask him alot if he wants to go for a ride on the bikes or go for a swim etc. I hope hes okay.

 

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Re: Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

@Kalis, he does open up and talk about things. If we go on a bime ride, a drive in the car or to the shops, he will talk about online friends, a couple of girls at school who are his friends and the thi gs that they do. Never really says how he feels...if I ask if hes okay at school, he says yep. Doesnt ask to go to parties or anyones house. So I guess he does talk to me about stuff but not deep things like emotions or close friendships. Also he never does homework...says he never has it. Hates getting up for school. Mostly doesnt want to go to school and says he sick and can be extremely hard to get him to school some days because he says he really doesnt want to go but never says why just says its boring or has no assessments due. His marks arent fantastic..except maths which hes good at

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Re: Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

Hey hippychick........ how's things going with your son?  I think the Rugby team sounds great.  Doesn't matter at this stage whether he is striking up friendships straight away.  Sounds like he takes a while, so this is a great avenue in my opinion.  How would your son feel about approaching some of his team mates to get together one Saturday (meet halfway somewhere) and maybe kick the ball around and get some practice.  Other than that, I find making friends outside of school is just as important as friends in school.  Sometimes when things arn't going great at school its nice for the kids to feel there is relief with other kids that don't have anything to do with their school.  Maybe look for something closer to home that he can join???

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Re: Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

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@hippychick They sound like encouraging signs for open communication. I have a friend that does a lot of work in empathy and mapping out feelings, and she often talks about open questions. So instead of her and her partner asking 'how was your day?', they ask something like 'what made you come alive today?'. I've always found it interesting and it reminds me of the discussion we had about 'pits and cherries'. If you're interested to have more discussions about how your son is feeling, maybe you could try this?

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Re: Im worried for my son..I think he needs help but he wont open up.

 

Great suggestion @Kalis.

 

I also learnt about the approach of asking questions that make them think and recollect their day, like your friend does. Asking things like: 

"what made you laugh today?"

"what scared you?"

"what inspired you?"

and a really good one is

"if you could go back, what would you do differently?"

This can really open up the conversation.

 

Would this be an approach you could use to check in with your son to see how he's going each day @hippychick ?

 

 

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