My 13 years old son first girlfriend

[jackfruithouse3]

My son is 13 years old and he told me that he have a girlfriend and he would like to go to the movies with her, or if she can come home on weekend to hangout. I want some advice, should I say” yes” and stay distance to observe the situation or say” No” and have a serious talk with him about relationship and it will be best to wait  and concentrate on is studies instead.  if someone can help i'll truly appreciated.

thank you

[Ben-RO]

Hi @jackfruithouse3, what are your thoughts for and against so to speak? Where would you draw the line if you said "yes" and how would you communicate or otherwise support your son in that case? 

[Sophi-RO]

Hey @jackfruithouse3 - your son is navigating new relationships and therefore so are you!

Learning to have relationships is an important skill that he needs to learn, so what are the boundaries that you'd need to have in place to feel comfortable with it?

Have a read of this info and let us know what you think:
https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/wellbeing/romantic-relationships-and-teenagers

[Rubinator]

Hi @jackfruithouse3

Thanks for sharing your story. It's a biggie for me because I have a 13 year old daughter who has recently started talking about boys. She hasn't asked to have one over yet and she certainly hasn't told me she has a boyfriend (in fact, every time I ask her if she wants to talk about sex etc. she basically runs away screaming) but I know it's got to come eventually.

My biggest fear is that if I block her from seeing someone will she just try and see him behind my back. She recently got in trouble for talking to a suspended boy outside of school and when I asked her about it she told me it's her friend's boyfriend. Her friend's mum has forbidden the daughter from dating this boy so instead, she just sees him when she's supposed to be seeing her friends. THAT is my biggest fear!

I winder if it's not better to have a situation where your son is willing to invite his girlfriend overand introduce you. What do you think @jackfruithouse3? And did it happen?

[HalleysComet]

Hey @jackfruithouse3, in my experience it could be a good opportunity to help your son build positive relationship skills. If they are allowed to hang out - at your house while your around like you say - you can help him build a respectful and healthy relationship which is an important skill he needs to learn during his teenage years.

If you say yes, he'll be more likely to talk to you about it and you have more of an opportunity to influence...

Love to know what you decided!

[OldSkool]

Hi there everyone. 

I agree with a lot of whats been said here. My daughter is 22 now and is in a steady relationship but I defs went through this stuff when she was a teenager. It's so hard. Don't know if it's harder or easy with a son. I defs tried not to be one of those over protective parents who doesnt want there kid dating til 30. (although I did)

I agree with HalleysComet. Having them around in front of you is worth its weight in gold. You will get a chance to see how your son treats girls and how he gets treated.

[seaglecc]

Hello jackfruithouse3 thank you for contacting us for help, funny you should ask this question, I have just recently been through this with my own child, she is only just 16, her 'first' BF is 15. Understanding they are older but the scenario was the same, the BF was pressuring for her to sleep over and hang out. There is nothing wrong with the relationships as long as both sets of parents know and have set boundaries. I have allowed my kids to go to movies with friends since they were 12. The issue with my daughter and her BF was I had boundaries and his family didn't. I found educating my child was the best option. We do as parents have to let the reins go a little to allow them to develop socially and independently. However having good open communication with them is the key. Saying 'no' outright can cause rebellion, but asking what their purpose could provide opportunity for discussions. Saying yes with conditions can build trust with you and your teen.

I hope this helps. Look forward to communicating with you again.

[Chloe2007]

I am same with your situation and now I don’t know what I should do? I alway told her focus study befor jump to relationship but plan never go like your way. Do you think parents should allow them? Or stop?

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Chloe2007 ,

Thanks for sharing your concerns, I can hear you are very worried about your daughter. It is difficult to know what to do in these situations and there is a lot to consider - how old is your daughter? How old is her partner? Have you met her partner? Do you and your daughter have good communication? Can you work out a way forward where you compromise and both get a little of what you want? This might involve setting some boundaries, for example, around how much time your daughter spends with her partner vs how much time she spends studying.

Also, are you aware that ReachOut offers free parenting support? It may be helpful to speak with a professional about this and get some support to work out the best way forward. You can access parenting support here.

Keep us updated on how you go

[PapaBill]

Hi @Chloe2007 

how old is your daughter?  
What sort of relationship is your daughter looking at ?

There is a lot more to learn as a teenager than academics skills and knowledge

Social skills also need to be developed.  I saw my sister in law (widow) totally ban relationships and the daughters just ignored it and hid their boyfriends.  That prevented my nieces getting any advice where they could have used it.