Thank you Bre-Ro, Until I found this forum I honestly had no idea how many other parents were going through this. It immediately made me feel less alone. There is no magic answer or cure for what is happening to our children. And the toll it takes on us and our families is horrendous.
Because we are now after so long, seeing some small steps of progress, I want to share that so other mums and dads know it is possible. And when it begins to happen it is an amazing feeling.
But until the big changes start - take the small wins. And do what ever it takes to make your kid feel better. For us it was sometimes having to watch a certain movie - usually animated over and over. Or spend hours just listening to her talk and not trying to fix it! Just listening and acknowledging their pain and their sadness without providing any answer but just love and support - and telling them that over and over - And always have chocolate in the pantry.
For any parent whose child is having what I call an episode - sobbing, incoherent, upset beyond reason - I would give my daughter a spoonful of honey or a sour lolly - like a gummy worm and encourage her to have it (yes even while she was hysterical) the reason is, the taste shocks the brain into being distracted from what it happening at that time. It interrupts the train of thought and that is sometimes enough to bring her back to 'normal' so we can comfort her, hold her and she can talk to us rationally. One of her therapists told me about this, especially before she was on any medication - and it really works. Sometimes sweet warm tea or warm chocolate - it is like when someone is in shock. On the odd occasion, if she did go out with a friend, her social anxiety would often lead to a panic attack - so I made sure she had some sour gummies in her bag in case she needed to take one to help her lessen the effect of the panic.
It's been a while since we had to do that but we know it works and I can recommend it to anyone on here.
We don't always get it right but we are listening to her more and she in turn, because we have been constant in our support even during the darkest days, is more open with us, and apologises for when she turns on us. She has started to return our love and trust. We still have a long way to go but for all of the parents out there dealing with this, don't give up. And stay in touch on here, And if you have friends or family who are not going to dismiss this as adolescent nonsense, and who are supportive - please ask them for support. Even a phone call for you to vent can help. I also have done an online chat with Beyond Blue on a particularly bad day because sometimes it's too hard to physically talk about this, But writing about it, like now, and having someone respond to you with kindness and understanding, can make all the difference. So don't be afraid to engage on live chats with these services if they are offered.
Good luck everyone and I will post again. I hope you do too.
