My Son's disclosure of pansexuality to me

[Butterfly72]

Hello,

I am a new member to this forum.  Today my Son took me to lunch and disclosed to me that he identifies as a Pansexual.  He told me that he has been thinking about this since he has been 14 years old.  Needless to say, I was shocked because I have asked him questions before on his sexuality and he always told me that he was a heterosexual male.  

I just want to make sure that I am being fully supportive of my Son and his disclosure about his sexuality.  Quite frankly, he could have told me he was a "unicorn" and I would have supported him no matter what because he is my Son and I love him very much.

My worry is how his father and society will react towards him.  My son is also multiracial and has had comments of a racist nature made towards him and now add upon this his preference in sexuality.

How can I make sure that my Son remains safe and that I give him all the support necessary?  Any advice would be appreciated.

Concerned Mother,

Butterfly72

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Butterfly72 , I am sorry to hear that you have some concerns about your son moving forward. It sounds like you care a lot about your son and that he cares a lot about you too. Sounds like you have a supportive and understanding relationship with your son.

I have attached a link here to another thread that discusses supporting teens with their sexuality. Hopefully you find the other comments and links to be helpful . 

[sueg1]

I also worry about how the older generation in my family, and society will treat my child.  It is scary to think that our children will be treated different! 

[WorriedMomOfOne]

Hi there Butterfly, I’m in a situation very similar to your my 15 year old daughter is pansexual and her father doesn’t accept her for how she is and it has made her resentful, angry and afraid that the rest of the world will be homophobic towards her, she keeps her sexuality to herself and has not told anyone except for a few of our family members about her sexuality. I support and I made sure she knew that she was also born during pride month which is something she is extremely proud of.

[Portia_RO]

Hi @WorriedMomOfOne , thank you so much for sharing yours and your daughter's experience here. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter's father has not been particularly supportive of her sexuality - as a young LGBTQIA+ person myself I can certainly understand how that might lead her to feel concerned about how she will be received by the rest of the world. Does your daughter have much contact with her father?

On the other hand, it sounds as though you are doing everything in your power to ensure that your teen feels accepted for who she is and who she loves, which will undoubtedly go a long way in allowing her to build confidence and comfort in her identity. Having a safe space at home to be yourself is a huge part of learning to be comfortable in your own skin, so you should be incredibly proud that you're creating that kind of space for her. If you're interested, my parents shared their experience of raising and supporting a young queer person through the coming out process in our Supporting Your LGBTQIA+ Child - A Parent's Perspective event, so feel free to check it out.