My wife and I have been talking a lot. I have been supportive of the Restraining Order. I do not want him to develop into the kind of person that thinks these things can be done without consequence. I can imagine a future (and dread it) where he smashes up a house with his partner, cools down the next day, then threatens them a week later. He has never been exposed to this type of experience or behaviour in his life. He has no example or experience on which to be modelling this. So it is very painful try and understand how this has come about.
Ultimately, he needs to know it is not okay to do what he has done and treat people (my wife) as he has. He especially needs to know that there are non violent mechanisms other have in our society to address this unacceptable behaviour. I just wish it was not our son and us having to do it. Better us doing it, than someone else in the future, having suffered a worse experience than I did.
Self care: We will go out on the weekend and do something.
My wife has been engaged in "cooking therapy". Baking lots of cakes and biscuits for a school event (she is a teacher).
I have picked myself up and gone, okay, I cannot influence him directly, however I can put some things in place to ensure he is fed, has some support from school and counselling and hopefully he will accept a stable place to stay. I continue to work steady and hard. Fortunately I have a very understanding owner of the business, as he has a very difficult 21 year old son, doing similar things to mine. We provide a sounding board for each other. I keep him well informed on what is going on at home. I may not be as cheerful at work as I normally am, however I try to channel the difficulty I am experiencing into focus and being more productive.
For my son, I do feel it will have to get much worse for him before the penny drops. Time will tell.
