Not sure what to do - Daughters past self harming

[Jakehelp]

Sunflowermom, wow, stories are so similar. My grandson was in residential treatment for 5 days for suicidal threats. I agree about the crutch of self harm. It does seem to become a habit and I pray the nightmare ends before drugs become an issue. I’m afraid he will try anything to get relief from his pain. I feel there is great hope for your daughter since there is a specific issue she can get help with and hopefully work through. I would love to have a “why” to work on, but we don’t have a clue. He’s smart & handsome. Never been bullied. Such a tough age with puberty & attitude mixed in. I’m in Indiana, you?

[sunflowermom]

I wish I had the "why/trigger" too.  Its not really there- I do know depression runs in our family so its partially genetics. I did find she had a trauma as a 3rd grader- lasted about 6 months that I just found out about this week- its been heart breaking. But my daughter was never shy- she has friends, outgoing, over achiever in school- so It came out of the blue this year starting 9th grade- but I think these kids put too much pressure on themselves.  I admit now I always kept pushing for good grades because I know what she's capable of.  But since this I have let go of those ideals.  I would be happy if she would go to school even a few hours a day. I'm sad she wont be able to join the military like she planned since she was 5150'd.  and she wont  go straight into a University now that she's not honor roll.  But really all I want is for her to get healthy and stop hurting herself.   We are in California.  I know good support groups have been extremely helpful for our daughter and for my husband and myself.  The best thing going for us so far.

[Jakehelp]

Sun, that’s heartbreaking. It’s like a stranger took over their bodies & minds. We tried for 1/2 days at school. Took his older brother physically getting him into the car but he wouldn’t get out, once there. How are you handling the school part? We are so fearful at this point that my daughter will be jailed for his truency even though she has done everything she can. I was born & raised in California. Wish I could go back

[Jakehelp]

I appreciate that so much. I did check to see if they had a U.S. version. Apparently it’s down for maintenance

[sunflowermom]

Jakehelp the whole school thing is hard.  She has not been since basically last October.  I keep in touch with the school counselor constantly and they have been supportive.  We have a 504 pIan in place- don't know if that's an option where you are at.  It makes for special "in school conditions"  more time on tests, can leave if a panic attack happens, etc. But at this point I  am hoping when she returns she can try a partial day and home school the rest of the day to finish this school year.  If not we will just do home school the rest of the year. 

[Jakehelp]

Sun, He is on the 504 plan, which is awesome (if we could get him there). The online school seemed ideal. It was easy for him to maintain an A. He got to where he was SURE he was ready to go back to school and I know he really believed and wanted that. In fact, most days he was sure the next day he would “just do it”. We are now at a crossroad. He will NOT go! I’m worried for my daughter’s mental health. She’s been so patient & strong. I want to “fix” it!

[sunflowermom]

Jakehelp- I totally get it!  I feel the same way about school- I keep making a plan for her to go, then it falls apart. Its beyond frustrating and heartbreaking.  Your daughter is amazing and strong- I know how you feel wanting to "fix" it....and it just cant be done.  I have my mom and dad near by and they are involved and on my side but one thing that keeps happening and I don't know how to tell them...they are constantly bombarding me for updates and pushing ideas and asking so many questions about how she is doing.  Its making it harder on me when I don't have the answers and I don't feel like talking.  I guess I am saying this to you in hopes that you are giving your daughter both space and support.....does that make sense?

[TOM-RO]

I'm really glad you've all been supporting each other @sunflowermom @Jakehelp @Moonlight.

I think sometimes when we're caring for others we can forget that we also need to take care of ourselves because:

so just make sure you are putting some self-care strategies into your every day and seeking professional mental health support when you need it 

[Jakehelp]

Sun, I get it. It’s probably opposite in my case. She tells me EVERYTHING. Some things I sometimes wish I didn’t know, but if it helps her, I’m in. Let them know how you feel, but know that your pain is as real to them as your pain is for your daughter. Hang in there and know that they are there for you. My daughter doesn’t have a husband for support so that makes a difference too

[Moonlight]

Our situation got worse... shes run off to live with her Dad, I haven't spoken to her in 4 weeks. My heart is broken :'(