Not sure what to do - Daughters past self harming

[Breez-RO]

 I am so sorry about her leaving @Moonlight this is understandably very painful. You haven't heard from her or Dad at all? Do you have any support around you at the moment? We're here to listen 

[sunflowermom]

Jakeshelp-I am so glad you are there for her and your grandson. You are demonstrating what an amazing dad looks like with your support. I understand what you mean when you say she tells you EVERYTHING. Its both healing and stressful. Nothing surprises me anymore.

[sunflowermom]

Moonlight- My heart is breaking for you. sending love and prayers your way.

[sunflowermom]

My daughter is still in a residential care and is supposed to come home Tuesday- We got a call yesterday that she self harmed at the facility.  She is not even safe when she if away.  I am sad and scared and losing hope.  Today we go visit her and have family "group" . It sucks because its 2 hours 1 way to see her- so we don't go everyday..  I don't know what is next.  I don't know if they will put her in another hospital since this place she's at has a 1 week limit.  So many unknowns- we are so deep in this fog....my head and heart hearts.

[Jakehelp]

Sun, that’s devastating. I would never imagine it could happen in the hospital! How is her demeanor there? My gs wanted to come home, of course (no phone) but didn’t act out and he participated well in activities and therapy. We are down to weekly therapy only, but to him just seems to be an inconvenience. We are looking into a residential solution. There is no other solution for not going to school and needing 24 hour watch. I wish there was a magic solution. I think we all come here hoping there is a happy ending story, some hope that it’s going to be ok. I am hearing about MANY people I know who went through a self harm stage when younger and grew out of it with maturity and coping skills. It’s just going to take more for our kiddos to get there

[Jakehelp]

Moon, I know how hard it must be for you. I, of course, don’t know your ex, but my first reaction was that I wish my guy had a safe place to go. Somewhere to reset and maybe reflect on the situation. I say that because it seems like (in our case) things have escalated to a point where there is no reasoning, no answers, just desperation. She will come back. Know that she loves you. Part of the problem is their age and the “I know everything and I hate my parents” attitude. In these cases it’s multiplyed due to devastating anxiety. I hope you take this time to take care of yourself and get help to prepare for her return. Again, depending on your ex, the main thing is her safety.

[Moonlight]

Her dad was the one who rang me and told me she would not be coming home.. no chance to really even discuss it. I work too much. I get it.. i'd probably want her out of their house if she did this stuff there. I already blame myself as it is, and none of it is helping at all.

My son returned as planned... but seeing him only walk off the plane.. my heart literally hurt, chest pain.. pain in the arms.. full blown anxiety attack. it was horrible

She had her first headspace appointment... im just sad i wasn't there for her,and im sad that she thinks so poorley of me

[Breez-RO]

@Moonlight It is highly likely she will come back, she just needs some time. It's okay to feel all of the pain. There's an incredible bond between children and their mother, sometimes it just takes a bit of breathing room. Are you doing anything for your own self-care and to give yourself some love at the moment?

Also have you ever chatted to Parentsline?  

[sunflowermom]

Moonlight-  I understand that sadness your feeling, I grieve too when I am not there every second with my daughter.  SO much is out of our control.  I agree with Breez about the Mother daughter bond.  Is this a good reconnection time with your son now that he is back?  Hopefully your ex keeps you in the loop about everything.  Could writing and sending some encouragemnt cards to your daughter every few days help you while she is not with you?  It would give her time to read and know your thoughts in her own time and just help get your feelings out there to her.

[Jakehelp]

On a positive note, perhaps she is learning some coping skills if she is trying to hide her negative behavior from her father. I missed any reference to your son. Did he go to get her or was he visiting his dad? Is he old enough to give you feedback as to how she acts away from you? I think writing to her is a great idea. It might counter the negative thoughts she might be conjuring up about you for whatever reason. Please try not to take it personal. I feel it’s very common for them to focus their anger on someone else. My grandson is downright evil to his mom when he is in “the mode”. Her pain is a double whammy for me. She is such a great mom :-(