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Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

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Parent/Carer Community Champion
Faob_1

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

In reply, son would have to fly interstate to do wilderness trip. He has torn up info we gave him as a few pages missing! We removed the cost information! Told me to F off & he's not going and he has made reports against us he just has to action themand then I will lose my teaching job!
Idle threats but who knows. We could have DCP on the door step one day! I think he would find being a state ward is not fun. More rules than at home I think!
Parent Peer Supporter
taokat

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

Ok, so it does require some agreeance on his part. Has he said why he doesn't want to go, or what it is about it that turns him off? 

 

Those sound like idle threats indeed, trying to provoke you. Even if he does make his reports, they're not just going to take him. And you're doing what you can to help him. Being firm and carrying through with fair consequences doesn't make you a bad parent.

 

Hang in there.

Parent Peer Supporter
AeroGirl

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

hi @Faob_1, I'm glad that you were able to get a good nights sleep! Your family has been doing it tough but as I read through your posts I do hear the strength and commitment you and your husband have. Keep going! Keep taking care of yourself in the middle of this (those walks with your dog sound great!). Looking for those good moments in the day are really helpful.

 

What is your son interested in? does he have any hobbies? that's pretty impressive he's done snowboarding (even though it was at your expense. I'm sorry to hear that) but not everyone has the skill or opportunity to do that.  I'm curious to hear what he likes to do, or used to do, in his spare time? 

 

thinking of you and your family

 

 

 

 

Parent Peer Supporter
AeroGirl

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

Message contains a hyperlink

I meant to include this link @Faob_1 

 

As an alternative to the 2 week camp, your son maybe interested in something similar, called Operation Hope. It's a 12 week program run on the weekends and it involves outdoor activites and has a camp at the end. It's designed specifically for teenagers facing various challenges.  It's run by Wesley and you can visit the link here.  (As a parent you can make an application). (I used to work there and the teens enjoy it)

 

Just another option....

Parent/Carer Community Champion
Faob_1

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

Thanks @AeroGirl.

Son is a keen hockey player and has up to four sessions a week . T his old school he had gotten into orienteering and was selected to compete in some inter school state championship, and was right into the school running club, but then got himself expelled s that was the end of that. Hoping to get him back into some running or cycling, but his attitude to anything we suggest is pretty poor. He used to love going to climbing centres too. He is quite athletic.

 

Spoke to the Corrective Services guy again today, and he was glad to hear we were staying firm and calm. He did warn us that son would likely try escalating things again to get a rise out of us to re establish what he sees as status quo. It ain't happening. I did yell tonight when he was insisting on hot spotting my phone in the car and I was trying to concentrate on a new route we were taking.  He was told he could get out and walk  to hhockey in the rain. He shut up! 

So early night. All quiet and hope he doesn't decide to walk out at 11:00pm again. I firmly told him if he does, he doesn't come back in. Sleeping bag is. There. That's the choice. 

 

Parent Peer Supporter
taokat

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

Hey @Faob_1, I just wanted to check in and see how everything was going. I know you'd had some small wins with your son after his visit with your friend, so keen to hear how he's doing.

Parent/Carer Community Champion
Faob_1

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

Hi @taokat Thanks for the message. Well, Monday went ok. Tuesday Went ok, although I did find some contraband partially hidden at home. Thought it was odd only some of it hidden. Wednesday thought maybe, just maybe we are getting somewhere. Then Wednesday night went spectacularly pair shaped. Son came home, obviously in a 'heightened' state, and later in the evening 'kicked off' as he has done in the past. I was at my work running parent teacher interviews so got home to be told husband had called police, was not going to try to,deal,with potential escalation of violence himself.  Son was unbelievably belligerent towards police, who were amazing, but he did end up handcuffed and charged with drug offences and has been referred to the Drug Diversion Program run by the Juvenile Justice Teams. It is compulsory attendance or he will be up in front of a magistrate. Police did offer to call crisis care and have him removed, or take him immediately to,juvenile detention. They were at pains to point out that he is clearly from a caring home, that putting him in care will,expose him to kids ten times worse than him. They Really  don't want to see that happen. We explained all the things we are doing to get help, Reach out, private psych, school.psych and counsellors, family friend as mentor, True North Expedition in SA booked...they said we are doing everything right as far as they are concerned. Phew. We both stayed very calm,  and firm throughout the time the police were searching house, his clothing, school bag. He screamed, abused, threw things, and cried. Then, when the handcuffs came off he Snapchat A pic of himself w police officer in background. Needless too say she went off at him! Incredible! Can't believe she didn't throw the book at him there and then! 

 

So, he has wagged school this afternoon. Spoken to his dad saying he had a session with the school psych today and he is feeling stressed and wants to have an adult conversation with us.  Of course he wants it tomorrow. The cynic in me says that's because he wants to tick off tonight.  Lucky weather here is awful today.  Maybe he will stay put. I had nothing but verbal abuse from him yesterday so am not keen to interact at all today.

 

hope I can survive the weekend. His mentor had surgery today and is out of action for a while.  Firm, fair, calm... 

Parent Peer Supporter
taokat

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

I'm sorry you had the blow up on Wednesday @Faob_1. Hopefully while he's away at camp he can have a break from cannabis and come home and not go back to it. It certainly has an affect on moods and he'd be getting cranky as the effects wear off.

 

I agree with police that you are doing all that you can, and that you are very caring parents. It really is tough and all you can do is what you're doing now - remaining calm, firm and fair. 

 

When does your son go to the camp? I'm sure you're looking forward to the break as well! Some time to breathe.

Parent Peer Supporter
taokat

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

Hey @Faob_1, I just wanted to check in and see how things were going with you all. I've been thinking of you and wondering if your son got off to camp okay.

 

I'm hoping you've had some more settled times since we were last in touch. Feel free to pop back and give us an update.

Parent Peer Supporter
Beingme2017
Solution

Re: Our 14 year old son is hitting us...

hi @Faob_1 yes I too was wondering how things were going, and if your son went off to camp

 

hope you and the family have been coping ok

 

 

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