hello! I've just come in from playing Mum's taxi - and y youngest just came in from an overnight camp!   I'm sorry I missed the chocolate    ... View more

hi @Moloko    I've found that building self-esteem comes by focusing on what is already working in their lives. For example, when you mentioned that your daughter does club sports, dance and now also drama, I'd encourage you to help her keep doing these things. It's the old saying "if something is working - do more of it."  This would extend to also focusing on the great group of friends that she has outside of school. If your daughter can see that she can do things she enjoys, that she has great friends in her life already, it will help remove some of the power from "I have no friends, everyone is mean to me" etc because you have evidence that she does have friends, she can do stuff.    And I love it that you went and picked her up from school that day she texted you! That's awesome! That would've spoken so much to her about your love and care for her. Sounds like she knows that her family loves and supports her.   Can I just say something about the phone in relation to social media and texting? I know that they might be on their phones a lot - I know mine are. But I think something to consider is helping our kids learn to be in control of their phone By this I mean, helping them to realise that they don't have to respond all the time or straight away to messages, that it might be helpful to put the phone down for a while and to have a break, especially if text conversations need to calm down. By helping our kids know when to respond and how,  gives them a choice and a sense of control and power over their own lives.  ... View more

always love your gifs @taokat ... View more

hey @taokat this is an interesting topic for sure! My daughter (19) has been dating her boyfriend for nearly two years and my son (17) recently broke up with his girlfriend. So I feel that we're in the middle of it and would be interested to hear from others experiences too  ... View more

hi @steph, welcome to the forums!    I know it can be hard as a Mum, watching on as your kid starts to question or doubt themselves when they go through tough situations - including searching for a job! But as I read your posts, I hear how your son has already developed some inner strength because you've taught him and reassured him not to be bothered by his birthmark - and look at the result, he keeps going even if people say stuff to him. So, perhaps if he just understood that the process of finding a job is tough, and he doesn't make it personal (as though something was wrong with him, like he's not good enough, etc), then he can use his same inner strength to carry him through the job hunting process. And get even stronger through it. #keepgoing #dontgiveuptoosoon ... View more

Hi @taokat, I love the idea of the gratitude cards. Tell us more about those....   And learning to apologise to yourself for saying unkind things. That's a powerful thing to do ( I think we sometimes forget how powerful words can be, even to ourselves). I'm going to adopt this practice! Thanks for sharing  ... View more

@Lily17 those little roosters sound really cute!  Can I ask - what are you building outside??  ... View more

hey @LovingThruBlue what a great topic! I think you're so right - it can be the simple things that bring peace and happiness to the midst of the craziness. For my own sanity (and for my family's benefit!) I've had to practice learning to slow down and stop. Even if for just 10mins. So I also enjoy sitting down and having a cup of tea. The past few days, I've been sitting on a lounge chair in the full sun - it feels so good.   This past year I've been teaching myself to crochet little granny squares and things (youtube is so good for videos).  It's just something that I can pick up and put down easily, it doesn't need a lot of time.   Baking is another thing (if I have time on the weekend).   And strangely enough - I love making to-do lists. When I can organise what I need to do, I feel better.  It means there is less spinning around in my head. Ticking some of them off over the next few days feels good too.     ... View more

If I had a dollar every time I said "can you put your clothes away" I WOULD BE RICH!  ... View more

I meant to include this link @Faob_1    As an alternative to the 2 week camp, your son maybe interested in something similar, called Operation Hope. It's a 12 week program run on the weekends and it involves outdoor activites and has a camp at the end. It's designed specifically for teenagers facing various challenges.  It's run by Wesley and you can visit the link here.  (As a parent you can make an application). (I used to work there and the teens enjoy it)   Just another option.... ... View more

hi @Faob_1, I'm glad that you were able to get a good nights sleep! Your family has been doing it tough but as I read through your posts I do hear the strength and commitment you and your husband have. Keep going! Keep taking care of yourself in the middle of this (those walks with your dog sound great!). Looking for those good moments in the day are really helpful.   What is your son interested in? does he have any hobbies? that's pretty impressive he's done snowboarding (even though it was at your expense. I'm sorry to hear that) but not everyone has the skill or opportunity to do that.  I'm curious to hear what he likes to do, or used to do, in his spare time?    thinking of you and your family         ... View more

hi @jdbza I love it that you do embroidery and patchwork! Taking time out is soooo important to relieve pressure that we feel in other areas of our lives. I enjoy patchwork too and have taken up crocheting. I say let the household chores wait! just do the bare essentials I reckon. ... View more

Hi @Big_Crab, I'm glad that your husband previously got some counselling and that you could both see the benefits of it. Perhaps as @TOM-RO mentioned it might be worthwhile seeing the counsellor again (or another one)? and by seeing the counsellor again, it doesn't have to mean that it will be the same as last time, it's just different. I know in my experience, I've seen counsellors on and off over the years, as there seems to be layers to processing emotions. Maybe this could just be the next step in taking care of himself and putting things in place to help him manage these difficult emotions (and to side-step the guilt).   So I'm wondering about the other aspects of life - what other types of support do you have around you? any other family members? close friends? community groups? What are some activities that your husband enjoys? that you enjoy doing together as a family?    you're not alone @Big_Crab. and it's just as important that you get the support you need too.  ... View more

thanks @Ngaio-RO (our fearless leader  )   and hello ReachOut Parents Community!!!!   I'm excited to be a part of this community and look forward to meeting new and existing members. We have a great team of parent supporters who are.....guess what, parents too. We live and breathe the same kinds of things that you do, so yes, please feel free to share your experiences, etc. We're in it together #nolonerangershere   ... View more

Hi @Big_Crab, thanks for sharing what you and your family have been/are working through. The struggle sounds difficult  - you want to protect your kids (and yourselves) but feel like you "should" see the inlaws/grandparents. But I love it that you and your husband decided to break the cycle and build into your family what you want to see happen and protect your kids from harm.  I see this as part of your family journey, seeking out what is best for you guys. I encourage you to make decisions best for your family.    ... View more

Hi @Beingme2017 . Welcome @Lidya.   I know what you mean! Sometimes it's those minor things that can be so frustrating.   Like for me, it's the same thing every friday night: "put all your dirty school clothes in the wash basket." I've been saying this for the past 10+ years but do they listen?! no. (I'm sure we're not the only household having this discussion!?!)   then I realised that I was getting more stressed out about it than they were. so I just left it. if they don't want clean clothes or have any school socks to wear on Monday, so be it. (but sometimes I would still go chasing and getting their clothes).  I find it tricky. I guess some things we have to decide what's worth pursuing and what's not.... what do you think? ... View more

"Actually, Mum, don't worry about dinner - my friend is coming to pick me up and we're meeting some others at the shops for dinner. But have you washed my favourite jeans yet? I put them in the wash this morning" ... View more

I love this idea @Ngaio-RO. I'd have a lot of things to say too   One of mine would be "the whole world is not against you. there will be key people who come across your path who believe in you - you've got to take the risk and believe the things the say about you, even if you don't see it in yourself. they will be pivotal moments" ... View more

Hi @Trapet, I'm a bit late in joining this conversation but thank you for sharing what's been going on for you and your son. It is exhausting while you're in the thick of it but I like what @Ngaio-RO suggested about connecting. Someone had suggested the same thing to me when my daughter was 15.  I wanted to help her process her feelings but shifting away from "what's wrong?" to "let's do something together that you enjoy" (for us it was baking) helped the connection between us and was a distraction from the other stuff going on in her world.   I love it that you allowed your son to choose what he wanted to do about school  - what did he end up deciding?  ... View more

Hi @motherbear, this does sound challenging. You seem to have a lot of patience, which will go a long way to building rapport with him   By the sounds of it, I'm guessing he was made to come and see you, as he seems a little reluctant to any suggestions and doesn't see what all the fuss it about.  Would smaller steps work now? By this, I mean, rather than focus on trying to get him to do something outside for now, perhaps focusing on doing other things inside the house could be a start?  What kinds of things did he use to do when he was younger?  What about cooking, anime, video making, creative writing, garage band, reading??? Does he have any pets? You mentioned that he likes playing video games -what are some of his favourite video games? What is it about them that he likes? Does he have any favourite you-tubers? Maybe exploring some of his current interests might lead to inspiring or developing other ideas?? Sometimes it just takes one little thing to start to unlock other things.  I'll be interested to hear what he comes back with.      ... View more

Hi @Lienq, I love your idea of fabric and crocheting. This sounds really interesting. I'd like to hear more about it. Have you taught your girls? I'm a beginner crocheter with a little project on the go. I am a sucker for any of the Better Homes & Gardens mags that have colourful pictures of crocheting on the front! ... View more

Thanks for the welcome @Sophi-RO.   My eldest turns 19 tomorrow, with the celebrations starting last night by the outdoor firepit! Good times  ... View more

1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh? My kids are 18, 17, 11. They tease me about my cooking but secretly they love it! 2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down? I give myself time out! I have a chair in my room that I go and sit in to have a cup of tea and journal or listen to some music. 3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today? I'm interested in being part of a community  4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years? Don't make every conversation about the issue (whatever it is that your teen is facing) and make sure you keep doing things that your teen enjoys (eg: for us, it was baking with my daughter) 5. Whats the best thing about weekends? Slow mornings, kids sports, Saturday night movie at home with the family, church, friends over, outings (depending on the weather!) ... View more