Trouble with 15 yr old

[inteenhell]

My 15 yr old son has me broken hearted. He chose to not do any school work during covid and now he is being told he’s is going to fail year 10 vcal. He has hated high school since day 1 and there’s problems every day. He’s also smoking dope and drinking, and has cut his once massive social circle to just 3 mates that are all a bad influence and are all doing the wrong things also. He is causing me so much stress and worry. I don’t know how to get him back on the right path. He was once such a great student, responsible, beautiful boy. But puberty and high school has changed everything. I had him at a psychologist last year, but after just 2 visits he flatly refused to go back. I don’t know where to go for help that he will agree to participate in.

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @inteenhell , I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling stressed lately as a result of the issues that your son has been experiencing. From the sounds of it, there has been a lot going on for your son and yourself. I can't imagine how difficult things must be for you. Have you had a chance to talk with your son about what has been happening? Has he mentioned before why he he has lost his friends and why he has not been studying? I am sure there are a lot of factors involved, but you might find it helpful to have a discussion with him about this.

I would also recommend talking to a staff member at his school such as a school counsellor or psychologist to get some advice from them. You might find it helpful discussing your son's schooling troubles with them as they could support you throughout this. It is great that you involved a psychologist last year,  that was really caring and supportive of you. It is a shame that your son did not want to continue seeing them.

I also think it would be really helpful for you to call and speak to a counsellor to get some advice around how you can help your son. It is also worthwhile letting the counsellor know that you have been feeling stressed, as they will be able to support you with this too. You can call Parentline on 13 22 89, from 8am to midnight, 7 days of the week to have a chat with a professional counsellor. We also have a free parents support service that you can use to chat with a qualified counsellor about any parenting issues you may be having - you can check that out here if you're interested. I hope that you find this to be helpful. Please feel free to keep us updated here on the forums!

[inteenhell]

Thanks for your reply. I talk with my son all the time. My husband says I am too much of his friend more than his parent. I try to be both, to keep the lines of communication open. That has worked so far. School aren’t much help, they are kind of fed up with him not doing the work expected. They have a psychologist, my son doesn’t want to talk with him. I called parent line a while back. Before I knew he was smoking but no real solutions were offered. It was more of a way for me to vent. I have to wait till July 20 till I myself can see a psychologist, to hopefully give me strategies to cope. I have my own issues and anxiety disorder, so I find I don’t cope probably as well as I should. Thanks.

[Janine-RO]

Hi @inteenhell , 

That sounds really tough , and it's great that you've been able to organise some support for yourself. It can be so easy as parents to put ourselves last, but it's so important to also look after yourself. 

I'm just wondering if your son has tried a Headspace centre if there's one near you? They have a lot of really experienced mental health workers who only work with young people, eHeadspace is also a great option if you think he'd be open to chatting with a mental health professional online instead. It can take a bit of trial and error to find a mental health professional that you click with. 

Does your son talk at all about any goals or plans he has for after he finishes school? 

[Kevmac]

Not that it helps you, but you are not alone, we are having almost exactly the same issues with our son and grappling to decide what to do next. Our son started with weed to help with stress and anxiety, down hill from there.

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Kevmac , 

I'm so sorry for the late reply to this - I just wanted to check in and see how you and your son are doing at the moment?  How old is your son? It can be so hard for parents to see their kids going through a rough time. Thanks for sharing here, it helps so much for other parents to know that they're not alone.