Trust/freedom

[Ankion_20]

Hi
My 16yo son wants to meet up with his friends from his old school, he regularly plays with them on PS4 and they have been at my house a couple of times, since I didn’t want my son going there as I felt he would have limited supervision & I’m not super keen the way they parent.
It’s now come back to me and my son feels it’s his turn to go and see them
I agree, but there’s so many things that are unplanned and worrying to me, like we are 6 hours from them so he needs to catch public transport, swapping trains at least 2 times and I’m unsure who will be there waiting at the end !
Where he’ll stay ?
What the boys will be doing ?
Who’s looking after them
One of the boys sells weed and his mum gives him the freedom to have these experience’s
His mum also provides him with alcohol on occasions
I moved my son away from his old school because I felt the kids where going down dangerous paths and unfortunately my son hasn’t made any new friends since moving here 2 years ago, hence wanting to
Catch up with them as everyone else is seeing there friends and it’s the holidays!

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Ankion_20 

Thanks for joining ReachOut!

Eeek. Sounds like your in a bit of a pickle. I can see why you'd be uncomfortable with the idea of your son visiting his mates, especially because they live 6 hours away by public transport. It's definitely not a trip around the corner, is it?

I'm wondering whether you've communicated your concerns to your son, and if so, what has he said? 

Have you asked where he will be staying and whether there will be parental supervision?

[Ankion_20]

Yes, I’ve communicated my concerns about all of the above and his response was “ you don’t like my friends, you don’t trust me and you worry to much to let me do anything, I’m 17 in March.”

He vaguely mentioned he will stay with one of the boys mum as she doesn’t have a job right now and can supervise.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Ankion_20, thanks for sharing. It sounds like such a difficult situation to be in. How do you feel about your son's response? I imagine it must be a challenging thing to hear. I am also wondering about the repercussions if your son is not able to visit his friends? Do you have any concerns as to whether he will just go anyway? Would you feel comfortable chatting to the boy's mum to confirm any plans/arrangements? Sorry for all the questions

[Ankion_20]

Hi Taylor-RO

I’m understanding of his response to some degree & feel upset, it’s been an extremely difficult year for him between regulating his behaviour and his emotional reaction to situations.

Yes I have thought about the repercussions and I am wondering what will be ....... I feel he would be too scared to just up and go for fear of my reaction ( worrying me )

I do know the boys parents and I have spoken to her previously and was let down by her supervision of my son a few years back, my only thought now is too drive him there myself and stay somewhere when I get time off work or to invite the boys to spend some time with us if we get a chance to go away for a family vacation.

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @Ankion_20, 

From what I've seen from your thread, it sounds like you are in an incredibly difficult situation. I can really understand your concerns, and how difficult this whole situation must be for both you and your son. 

I feel that your compromises of inviting the other boys on a family holiday are actually a really good idea. It is clear that you really love and support your son, and there is a really good chance that you might even be able to be a good role model for the other boys, and be able to encourage all of them to make good decisions. 

Additionally, while this isn't 100% related, it might also help the situation, but it could be a good idea to encourage your son to join some clubs/sports/casual job and meet new people. Moving is always really difficult, particularly at such a young age, but now that he has had the opportunity to have some breathing room, he might be more comfortable to branch out and create new connections and relationships. This way he'll be more secure and confident in your new town, as well as less dependent on his old friends. 

[Ankion_20]

Thanks @Andrea-RO

Some very good advice, he loves football and has played for 2 years in our new town other then this he has no other outlet & has not found any lasting friendships from it. He also has a part time job of 8 months.

Small town & hard to find other outlets but you have me thinking of other ideas ??
Thank you. 🤗