Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

[taokat]

I'm so so sorry to read about your daughter @sunflowermom, my heart breaks for both of you. How is she now? How are you now?

The poor thing, she spoke my daughter's words to me so often after she's lost it at me. As hard as it is for us when they speak to us like that, it's harder hearing them apologise and not really remember what happened or what they said and unable to understand it themselves. 

I felt guilty too doing things for myself whilst my daughter was in hospital, but as they kept saying, she is safe and I needed to take the time to heal too. I was reassured that if my daughter did get upset, she was in the right place to be supported, and that she would be absolutely okay. 

Thanks for your support @Sister. We've missed you! How are you?

My daughter is having a rough trot lately. We were told the first week home was the worst for relapse, and we seemed to breeze through until the weekend when she hit a wall. She has another appointment tomorrow for another medication review, so we're taking one day at a time at the moment. 

[sunflowermom]

  Hi @taokat

This time around for us has been ok so far.  She understands the boundaries but still pushes some- which I expected.  She is enjoying being home and I can see the appreciation she has for her bed and her pets and even her sister a little bit.  We have started meditating together at night which see really seems to enjoy and its something we can do together.  So right now she is back to her sweeter self.  But I hear your warning about the first week and I am cautious.

I loved the "check in" idea you and your daughter are doing!  That sounds awesome without having to knock on her door every 5 minutes to ask how she is.  I think we might try that too!

I am sorry to hear your daughter is having a rough few days.  Hopefully the appointment can help her with reviewing her meds.  We had to make some meds adjustments too this last time in the hospital.  It always makes me nervous- the side effects, etc.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom,

It's was great read that you are able to do meditation with your daughter and that it has been something you have both enjoyed. 

How has this week been for you @sunflowermom and @taokat? How are your daughters? Thinking of you both and hope that you were able to do something nice for yourselves over the weekend 

[taokat]

That's wonderful that your daughter is meditating with you @sunflowermom. I love tai chi and have started doing it at home recently. My daughter watches sometimes but hasn't taken up my offer to join in yet. With gentle encouragement and her obvious curiosity, I'm hoping she will give it go one day!

The check in method and scale are working really well for us, so I'll be keen to hear how it's working for you guys. It's a good boundary for me too, as it's likely I would be asking her every 5 minutes which would drive her mad!

At the appointment we were reminded that her new meds take 4 - 6 weeks to kick in, so it's likely at the moment they aren't doing anything. She's being reviewed again in the first week of August, so we should be seeing some improvement by then. 

Thanks @Jess1-RO for your kind thoughts too. My daughter's out with a friend this afternoon which is awesome. Her social time does her a lot of good as she doesn't have too much of it. It's great for me too - a few hours of free time! 

[sunflowermom]

Hi @taokat

This weekend we had a chance to "fix up" our meditation area- lights, statues, comfy space.  I think my daughter enjoyed it but she still got mad at me saying I was hurrying through the project and I was being rude.  I apologized and said that was not my intention I just had lots to do.  Things are very black and white to my daughter- so it gets a little tedious at times. But mostly a good experience.  She loves the new space to share with friends as well. 

When we do the medication adjustments I always need to be reminded of the 4-6 weeks.  I get so frustrated that it takes such a long time to find out if they will even help or not.  I wish there was a better way.

I love that you had some time to yourself while your daughter had social time.  Now I finally understand how important that truly is for us as parents.  I think back to all the times I used to take it for granted before life got so intense.

Thank you @Jess1-RO for checking in on me.  It was a good weekend sprinkled with challenges in mood swings with my daughter but mostly there were some great moments  too like shopping and pizza!  Hoping all goes well in our family therapy tonight.  Hoping you had a nice weekend too!

[sunflowermom]

Hi @taokat

I have been thinking about you a lot lately.  Wondering how you and your daughter are doing.  I just wanted to check in with you.

[taokat]

Hi @sunflowermom, thanks for thinking of me. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. My closest friend died unexpectedly not long after my daughter's second suicide attempt and I'm just trying to keep myself above water. After receiving not a single word of support from anyone at RO after my daughter's last attempt and then the death of my friend, I've haven't been back on. 

I need to look after my daughter and myself, and after being told that my daughter's counsellors won't consider intensive treatment for her because her issues are chronic and severe, we keep to ourselves, don't even see her counsellor anymore as she made my daughter think she wasn't capable of doing anything! 

Dealing on my own, my daughter is studying again - only tafe online, but still studying. She now helps out around the house and our relationship is really strong, she talks with me about everything. 

It's so upsetting having her mental health team having the attitude they do. My daughter made friends the first time she was admitted to a mental health facility, and they have both been back in because they mentioned to their psychologist they were feeling suicidal! My daughter spends 4 days in hospital after a serious attempt, yet we get the response we did. 

I've grown envious of the help that seems to be there for those who can afford to pay for private psychologists. 

I'm so sorry to read of the outcome from the facility your daughter went to and really feel for all you are going through. I wish you and your daughter all the best for a positive outcome 

[sunflowermom]

Dear @taokat

I am so very sorry to hear of your friend's passing right along with your daughters suicide attempt.  How heartbreaking and devastating.  I am so sorry you are not feeling any support.  Please know I am always here to listen, even if I cant find the right words to say- you are in my heart.  

You made my day today by reaching out because I have really been thinking of you and praying everything is going ok.

It warms my heart to hear you and your daughter are growing close than ever. Its sounds like you have become an amazing team together.

hugs to both you and your girl.

[Schooner]

Hi @taokat,

I'm glad to read an update, and sorry to here you have been having a difficult time. I know you take the time to support others here when they are in need (including me) so I'm particularly sorry to hear you feel unsupported. 

You sound worn out. We all say it here all the time: look after yourself. I know it's not easy to do that, we put our kids first. I hope you can find the energy to keep yourself mentally and physically fit.

I don't know what is wrong with our mental health system. I've come across some brilliant people, as well as some complete duds. The system seems to respond to crisis, we don't seem to be able to manage chronic conditions nearly as well. I would think supporting kids to keep them out of hospital and away from crisis would be a good (cost efficient and caring) approach, so I can't see the problem.

We use both public and private, we went for a private psychologist after failing to find a good public psychologist who would stay on long term (once again, during crisis we could get a psychologist in the public system - but we needed one long-term). It is expensive.

But enough about the system. I'm glad to hear the relationship between you and your girl is strong and she talks to you. As parents we are their first line of defence, so you are doing a great job even if the system isn't.

Cheers

[Jay-RO]

Hi there @taokat,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, it can be so hard to deal with the unexpected loss of someone so close to us. I'm also sorry that you felt unsupported by ReachOut, thank you for coming back and letting us know that it happened. 

I'm glad to hear that things are improving with your daughter, it's fantastic that's she's been able to study again. 

Since having that experience with her current counselor, have you searched anywhere else? It's unfortunately that you had a negative experience with them, the mental health system can certainly have its issues. There are several places that can offer support for young people such as helplines or other online services, what do you think?

I hope you are both doing well today