What to do when the other parent bad mouths you in front of the kids?

[Parenting911]

My kids told me that their father said to them,”Your mom is suicidal.” My kids are ages 9 and 10. The 9 year old is too young to understand what is suicidal however the 10 year old understands. What should I do? How can I stop him from constantly saying bad things about me?

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Parenting911,

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for making your first post  

I can see that you are interested in hearing from other parents with similar experiences- I hope you find this is a safe and supportive environment here. 

Do you want to tell us a little bit more about what is happening? 

[Parenting911]

Well...the father picked up our kids for the weekend. In the ride to his home, he forced our kids to listen to him rant about bad mouthing me, the Mom. He made sure they were paying attention and said to them,”Your Mom is suicidal.” Our kids are only 9 and 10 years old. I am not suicidal. It’s a lie. I asked him about it and he denies it. Both my kids tell me the same story when we spoke over the phone. I don’t know how I can stop him from doing these things. It’s very hurtful to our children. What can I do?

[Breez-RO]

Hey @Parenting911 that is not okay I am so sorry he is doing this to you & your kids. Do you have a family counsellor or some kind of face to face support? Do your kids have a strong relationship with you and do you feel comfortable unpacking it with them? He's digging himself a hole as the kids will just find this behaviour draining and confusing, if anything it could create distance between himself and them so this is very unfortunate. I am going to tag some of our other members for some input as well

@sunflowermom  @taokat @Orbit64

[Addieshiks]

Hi my dear,

You can't stop someone from bad mouthing you. All you can do is RISE ABOVE IT.

If you get down and muddy with them - you feed the narrative. So Don't even give him the benefit of a reaction.

Instead beat hate with Love - Show your children - POSITIVE YOU

 Example - Have a Kid & Me day - like a Friday or Saturday where you treat the children to dance- beach- just being, cheeky and happy and of course Ice cream

The trick is to spend alot of time being happy with your children - building positive long lasting memories for with them and for them - this way their opinion of you wont be so easily swayed.

Be the Best Queen Mother you can BE!