daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

[sunflowermom]

My 14 year old daughter has horrible Anxiety, Depression and self harms.  This all only started about October, even though she admitted to self harming for about 1 year.  She is in therapy, she is on meds, Intensive family and teen group sessions every week.  She has been hospitalized twice for suicidal thoughts in the past 3 months.  Now she is in a group home for a week to "chill out" and get away.  Before she left she told me some horrible stuff that happened to her as a third grader.  I am hoping peeling away at these traumas will help her heal.  I am heart broken and lost and tired.  It takes 2 hours one way travel to visit her.  I still work and we have another young daughter in our family.  Our world has been turned upside down.  And I am grieving for her lost childhood and pain.  She on meds, we've tried quite a few- its such a long process to find the right things.  I love her and miss her so much.  I want our old life back. When she is home you never know from one moment to the next is she will be okay or on a downward spiral.  All I know if this is a tough road.....for all involved.  Would love some kind words and support.

[taokat]

Hi @sunflowermom, I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles your daughter is facing and the upset you are going through. My heart goes out to you all, and I'm so glad that you have professional help in place for you all. 

I hope you don't mind, I've moved your post so more parents will see it, and hopefully be able to offer you more support. I did also need to edit some wording of your post to keep within the guidelines, but no biggie at all! 

I am making an assumption about your daughter's trauma, as my daughter suffered an awful trauma at age 8 and from your words I feel situations may have been similar. Unfortunately it does change them, but I really want to give you hope that with professional help and a loving, supportive family, she can come through and be okay. My daughter is now 15, and the trauma triggered mental health conditions in her nearly immediately. We've had lots of help over the years and this year my daughter is finally properly re-engaging with the world. 

The journey is up and down, but my daughter found that she learnt from the ups that there were still good times in life, which has really kept her going. Your words "I love her and I miss her so much" brought tears. I know exactly how you feel. I miss the girl my daughter used to be, I miss her openness, her zest for life and her happy, confident disposition. I just keep telling myself that as she heals deeper and deeper, 'she' will come back. I see 'her' more and more, so I know she's still in there. 

You are so clearly a loving and devoted mum and your daughter is so lucky to have you. It is a tough road for all, and it sounds like you're doing an awesome job within the confines of those hardships. 

[Mum25]

Sending lots of positive thoughts it so hard never stop loving your daughter they are so precious even with their flaws and imperfections just like diamonds 💞

[Breez-RO]

@sunflowermom reading this post was truly beautiful, what love and affection you have for your Daughter. Whilst the rollercoaster most surely is exhaustive, with a supportive and consistent Mother providing the love that you are her road to recovery will be a lot faster. She has the added complications of a developing teenage brain, you most definitely have every right to grieve for her childhood. There's a couple of services that could help you as you need - Parentsline and Suicide Callback Service if she ever self-harms again (you can make a third party call to receive support and gain some strategies). We also have ReachOut parents coaching which is a free service for parents going through similar to yourself. 

[sunflowermom]

Thank you so much for your kind words and support.  It brings me so much hope when parents tell me their children have gone through similar situations and learned skills to deal with their traumas.  I know she can heal- I just have to keep believing.

[sunflowermom]

Thank you! YES they are
And might I add just as expensive as a diamond ( just a little morning bad humor)

[sunflowermom]

Thank you! I will reach out to the Parents coaching. I need all the resources I can get.

[taokat]

There is definitely hope @sunflowermom! I was so worried about my daughter as she isolated in her bedroom, in the dark for 12 months, not even seeing friends. It has taken two years of patience and going at her speed, but she is so excited about tafe, and even through her ups and downs, she has hope for her own future which is SUCH a relief!!

So hang in there, chat to us, be your loving self and your daughter will grow through this 

Now I'm going to be a party pooper, I apologise in advance!! I picked up from 'mom' in your username that you are from the US and unfortunately the parent coaching is Australian based, as you need to talk with the coach over the phone. I'm so so sorry! 

[sunflowermom]

I am okay with that...just having a place to express myself to others with the same issues will be huge!

[taokat]

Hey @sunflowermom, I just wanted to see how you're daughter is managing, and more so to see how you're feeling now?