my 16yr old son has failed yr11 and desperately wants to repeat would you let him?

[Aussiemom]

My 16yr old son has failed yr11 due to lots of time from school and many suspensions, I think we have finally managed to get him in a good headspace away from some disruptive friends and getting him on the right track. He desperately wants to repeat yr11 so he can improve his grades and attendance with the possibility of joining the police force, he doesn't want to do TAFE would like to stay at school. He is one of the youngest in yr11 so the age isn't an issue. Would love some feed back from other parents if this would be a good idea.

[Luula]

Hi @Aussiemom, it's great to hear your son is in a better headspace at the moment.

@Mitzi, @tenacious_dad, @ziggystarmum, @Beekeeper, @dont-lose-hope and @mum_of_four all have teenage sons and may be able share their thoughts

[ziggystarmum]

Yes I absolutely would! Maybe changing schools though? Might be easier on him to start afresh and not have other kids knowing his 'history'?

[Aussiemom]

I did put that option to him ziggystarmum but he wants to stay at the same school. He's a really popular kid and so I'm not really worried about him being bullied for repeating, it's just the deputy at his school said that he hasn't found it to be an advantage to repeat a student. All his teachers have said that he's a smart kid just easily distracted by his friends and very loyal so if they get in trouble he feels that he has to stand up for his friends. Which I have explained to him that it's great to be loyal but when it's stops his education by getting suspended he needs to change his priorities. 

[Mitzi]

Hi - welcome aboard! When you say "failed Year 11" does that mean he is not allowed to progress to Year 12 according to the school? Or did he "fail" by flaking out and not studying while partying? Because if that's the case I'd worry about allowing him to repeat at the same school. I mean, it's like there are no consequences, he'd be a big fish because he's popular and already done Year 11 but won't have quite the responsibilities of being in Year 12 and actually knuckling down to work.Plus he's got you supporting him for another year. I'm big on choices byt choices have consquences/

I'd be inclined to say repeat Year 11 but do so at a new school where we expect you to apply yourself to your studies and sports and meeting new friends. Otherwise its TAFE.

[Aussiemom]

Thanks Mitzi I really appreciate your input and that's my concern, my boy was a huge gamer and we struggled for a few years with his gaming and refusing to go to school or do any school work and when he was at school he was in trouble so his attendance at school is only 41% and I know from his last report that he has failed all his subjects, I believe his school was waiting for him to turn 17 ( in December ) so they could ask him to leave if he didn't improve his behaviour. About 3 mths ago he made the decision to sell his computer and try to get his life back which was a huge relief but unfortunately the damage was already done. I do have concern with him repeating as the rep he has at school with his behaviour is going to be hard to break with his teachers, I'm pushing for TAFE but I think he wants to stay so he can show his teachers that he can do the work and behave and have the life he wants. He knows I will support him as it will be tough I'm just really torn as to what to do. 

[Kalis]

Hi @Aussiemom,

This must be a really difficult position to be in – on one hand you have a very strong willed son, it sounds like, and on the other your natural concern for his wellbeing and future. Your son sounds determined to prove he can repeat the year successfully. The decision to sell his computer, as a gamer, conveys a renewed focus and a big change in his life.

You mentioned that he was often distracted by his friends previously. I wonder if any of ReachOut's Friendship resources could help guide him to better choices?

Your son also sounds just like someone I once knew – distracted, missed school, avid gamer, poor relationship with teachers, and made to repeat Year 11 at the same school. You may be interested to know that was one of his more successful years at school. He made all new friends in his new year level and very much changed the outcome for the better. He also went to TAFE following his schooling and now heads up a progressive software development team overseas.

Whatever follows for you and your son, I am sure he will be thankful for your care and support, and I'm sure it will help him develop some significant life skills. Wishing you well!

[readthemanual]

@Aussiemom

Your son is a very good example of children "growing" to be more mature and making right life decisions. You should be proud of him and the school principle/teachers should applause his decision and action (to sell his computer).

It seems that the school is a problem right now as they may have lost trust in your son. If I were you, I would go ahead to persuade them to let your son repeat y11. You may even have to write to the DOE to get what you want. You son may need to express in person or in writing his determination to improve in school work.

On the other hand, it is also applausible that your son has already made up his mind to join the police force in the future. I wonder if you could talk to the local police to see if they could norminate a mentor for your son, a young officer who had been there done that might help, a tech geek would be a plus. I am sure they'd have a pr department and someone might volunteer for the task.

[Aussiemom]

That's a great idea about talking to the police we have a family friend that's a police officer and  could possible point us in the right direction. Thank you for the help

[Aussiemom]

Thank you Im glad to hear that someone has had a good experience in repeating yr 11 it is such a hard time trying to decide what's the right thing to do. I'm thinking that give it a term and see how he goes or else it's TAFE.