my teenage daughter hates me

[beeneedshelp]

my 17 year old daughter stayed with her boyfriend at his parent's house. she didn't come home to get her stuff for school, so I dropped it off there. Now she says she hates me and wants to leave. we have tried to be flexible and accommodating, but nothing is ever enough. she says she hates me and never wants to speak to me again. I feel like it is because I have gone to the boyfriend's house, I am not allowed to contact him. i am devastated and sad and don't know what to do

[Iona_RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @beeneedshelp 

That sounds like an upsetting situation to be in, I can understand why you would be feeling distressed. Did something in particular happen that led to your daughter to go to her boyfriends house? 

I'm wondering if you have anyone to talk to about how you're feeling? Parentline are a good service to reach out to if you wanted to talk things over with someone.

[Iona_RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @beeneedshelp 

That sounds like an upsetting situation to be in, I can understand why you would be feeling distressed. Did something in particular happen that led to your daughter to go to her boyfriends house? 

I'm wondering if you have anyone to talk to about how you're feeling? Parentline are a good service to reach out to if you wanted to talk things over with someone.

[beeneedshelp]

thanks Iona RO. nothing specific happened, she likes to spend time with her boyfriend, and his family are accommodating. i think she is angry that I went to the house. she likes to keep our lives separate. I think i have embarrassed her by arriving at the house and telling her she had to go to school. her boyfriend had the day off work, so I am pretty sure she had no intention of going to school. the venom in her texts to me after I left was a surprise. 'i hate you' 'I never want to speak to you again'. i told her I was just trying to help, save her the trip home etc. I asked her if we could catch up, she said not today, tomorrow. she has since asked if she can stay at his house again tonight. i will let things calm down and try again tomorrow. 

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @beeneedshelp,

Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear that this came out of nowhere. I imagine that must be quite hurtful and shocking for you. Is there a reason why your daughter likes to keep your lives separate? Although this has been really hard for you, it is great that you are willing to let things calm down and try again. Is this something that has happened before? Also, when tomorrow comes, what is your plan for handling the situation? We wish you all the best and you are most welcome to keep writing back to us on here. We are here for you even if you just want to chat

[Lee23]

Hi , I have a similar situation with my 17yo. I understand your feelings of devastation and hurt.
My daughter went to her friends house for a few nights, which turned to weeks, and then they hatched a plan to leave school and moved to a regional area. I feel disrespected and powerless. She can drive and has a car and is making her own decisions.
It has all happened in the past few months and my brain is trying to catchup with this new reality.
She answers my calls sometimes, and texts sometimes.
She says I am the worst mum and I don't speak nicely to her. She is usually telling me to apologise to her which I don't think I should but lately have offered , only to be told that's not a good enough apology.
I hope our relationship can improve and that we keep communication open between us. I dont understand her and think she needs space and time to grow and live her new life she is seeking.
I miss her very much and feel confused on why I am considered a terrible parent.

[Dem--RO]

Hi @Lee23, and welcome to the Parents Forum! We hope that you are able to connect with others and receive the support and resources that you need, as we understand that being a parent comes with a lot of challenges.

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation that you are in with your daughter, and how you are hitting a lot of brick walls with communication. Thank you for reaching out to others in the community and offering your compassion and empathy.

Can I please ask how you are taking care of yourself right now? Do you have a close friend or family member you can talk to, or access to counselling? We would like to ensure that you are ok, and if you do need to speak with someone, Parenting Line are a very good place to start, more information can be found here.