Daughters Bestfriend

[Uclanm1]

My daughters best friend is talking bad about me to my daughters friends. She also has accused me of saying things to other people about her. She has said many times she is bipolar, anxiety, adhd, depression and take medication. Well this evening she called me because my younger daughter removed here from Snapchat. The conversation heated up and her father got on the phone with me. Saying I’m out of line discussing his daughter with my sister. He then tells me his daughter has never been diagnosed with any medical conditions she takes no medication. He proceeds to tell me that I’m out of line. She also has been stating that my daughters other friends are telling her that I’m calling her a **bleep**, **bleep**. I have never called any child this. The teenagers she is stating said this are my daughters other good friends. I’m so upset and my teenage daughter is as well as my other younger daughter.,This Girl is like a daughter to me my daughter has been best friends for 12 years. Help lost on what to do

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @Uclanm1, 

I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling with a misunderstanding between yourself and your daughter's best friend, it sounds like you've been really strongly affected by the situation. 

I can understand that you feel quite distressed about what sounds like a big misunderstanding, and I can really sympathize that your first instinct may be to discuss the situation with your daughter's friend, or at the very least clarify your actions. However, because of how delicate this situation is, I would hold off on communicating with your daughter's friend directly for the moment. Sometimes in sticky situations, any sort of intervention can just intensify everyone's responses, making things more volatile. 

I would highly recommend that you keep your communication largely limited between yourself and this girl, and if you do find that you have to communicate, keep it focused as a discussion between yourself and the parent's of your daughter's friend - at least until the situation calms down

[PapaBill]

Hi @Uclanm1 

OK I admit it.. 

As a middle aged white father I don't get the intricacies of teen girl relationships.

The only thing I can imagine to offer as advice is:

as "Parent" you should not really be part of the teen to teen conversation.  Buying into "she said like this" and then "she said like that" is something to avoid.

My experience is parents are the enemy and the truth is first casualty in the generational war.

Support your daughter.. offer her advice on how to handle her relationships but don't directly engage in the relationship and discussions.

Finally remember.. Blood children can do say and do horrible things to their biological parents so don't take it personally if you daughters friend says or does something horrible.