01-12-2018 03:41 PM - last edited on 01-18-2018 11:50 AM by Nick-RO
How refreshing for me to have a relatively "normal" question to throw out there....
My daughter is 16, has started seeing a boy a year older & every time they're together she ends up with a neck covered in hickies.
I think it makes her look trashy.
She says it's her body & she has no problem with it.
It repulses me.
She is a virgin & sees no connection to allowing a boy to do this & it leading somewhere else.
They lie together & kiss & touch & to me this is leading somewhere.
I've even taken her to the dr to discuss contraception ... she came out with nothing but pamphlets coz she says she doesn't need them.
We're butting heads and it's causing a real issue between us.
I have even asked them both not to do it on the last 2 occasions that he has visited... no change.
I should note... my daughter has severe depression & OCD and is suicidal so I need to be a bit careful.
01-12-2018 04:28 PM - edited 01-12-2018 04:36 PM
Hi there @LovingThruBlue I had this crop up with my 16 year old . I told her that it's not ok to have them ( in a calm strong disapproving voice ) and that it is not to happen again . I also said they look awful and it's no-one else's business to see evidence of her " intimacies " with her boyfriend anyway . She has a partime job and I said that her boss would not like her serving customers with it . She might lose shifts ( my daughter likes money ) She said she could hide it easily , I told her they are always still obvious and I could see hers was a love bite even after she had covered it . Luckily she did not get another one . If she had got more , I have to say I would have been furious .
If she had come back with even one again I would have not allowed her to see him until we had ALL sat down and discussed it with the boyfriend there . She would have HATED this lol !! How embarrassing ! I would have even threatened to include his parents 😜
You have a right to decide if she can have them or not , she is 16 after all . If she is disobeying you and so is he then they are not respecting you and do notbelieve there will be any consequences .
Just remember to follow through if you do decide this is the consequence of them ignoring your wishes .
I realise your daughter suffers with severe depression ( I am so sorry to hear this ) but you still need her to step up and accept boundaries and respect your wishes .
Best of luck !
01-14-2018 07:25 PM
Hey @LovingThruBlue such a tricky one! How frustrating. Hickies are never a good look on anyone, but your Daughter is right when she states it is her body, and she is sixteen frustratingly so. I think you've done really well not to shame her but also point out the importance of contraception and healthy sexual behaviour. What's your greatest concern with the hickies? Is it that it will lead to sex or is it the way society will perceive her as a result of them?
I am keen to hear more from the community on this one as well.
01-16-2018 02:27 AM
Hey @LovingThruBlue, it's so good to see you here with some 'normal' teenage issues too - it means your daughter's currently doing well which is awesome news! I'm so relieved for you (and her!!)
I'm with you totally, I think hickies are gross. I've always disliked them, but do you remember ever getting one as a teen? I do. Felt soo good! As teens, new to these body sensations, the feelings are so intense I think it's easy to get swept away. Even as a 16 year old who hated hickies I still got a couple! I'd be so embarrassed.
I think your daughter's right in that it's her body, and I get that you don't want to be looking at hickes on her neck either (again, I'm with you). Soo, could you change tactic and explain to her how the markings of a hickie are caused? It sounds as gross as they look (use the most graphic description you can find). It might be enough to affect her opinion of them?
I've got to get to sleep now, but let us know how you're going. Oh, I was going to say as well, remember about picking your battles. If this is one you're fighting, I find I have less of a war if I lay the boundaries and set the consequences and stick firmly and lovingly by them.
Hang in there :-)