I feel irrational hatred of my step son

[Lerc100]

I am two and a half years into my relationship with an incredible man. I have two daughters (5 and 4) and my partner has a son (6). The kids get on pretty well and feel close. The boy is here 50% of the time and I deeply struggle with this. I have never warmed to him- he was initially very hostile but gradually that wore away. He is very highly competitive with me, I suppose for his father’s attention. He is really possessive with his things and we live in the house where his mother and father lived before they divorced and he can often talk about wonderful memories before me and my daughters lived here. He corrects me a lot of the time which I despise. He is a bit of a goody two-shoes and I just don’t feel close to him at all. He always wants somebody/anybodies attention and seems to crave attention all the time. I just find him incredibly annoying and it triggers a kind of hatred in me. Then I feel like a bad person for hating a 6 year old. He’s not even a naughty boy. I constantly just wish he wasn’t here., I think my partner finds my youngest daughter annoying too. What do we do??!

[Hannah-RO]

Hi there @Lerc100, this sounds like such a tough situation for the whole family - thank you for being so honest about how you're feeling. We have a number of users on this forum who post about the complexities of blended families - you are not alone in this! We have an article here that you might find helpful about communicating in blended families.

I'm wondering if you've spoken to your partner about this? It could be helpful to speak to him about how your feeling and you could approach this situation by bringing up how his sons behaviour makes you feel i.e. "When he corrects me I feel disrespected." It could also open up a conversation for your partner to share how he is feeling and to discuss ideas - such as them having a "boys afternoon" to give you some space and allow them to connect.

I'm also wondering if you have any coping mechanisms for when you feel angry like stepping into another room or taking a walk? It's important you look after you're wellbeing too, these feelings can be really draining and you're not a bad person. It's understandable that you're frustrated, what helps you to feel calmer?

This all sounds really tricky @Lerc100 and I feel for you. I'm really glad to hear that the kids get a long well and that you're with an incredible man