04-07-2020 09:01 PM
04-08-2020 12:02 AM
That does sound like an extremely difficult and stressful situation. Have you been able to get into contact with any professional supports about how you're feeling about the situation? It also sounds like your step-son may be also experiencing a time a high stress, which can hugely impact a child. I was wondering if you had spoken to anyone about some of supports that might be helpful to him while he's going through this period of adjustment? It could be good to get in to contact with a counsellor or GP about the stress both of you are going through at the moment.
04-08-2020 06:46 PM - last edited on 04-08-2020 09:02 PM by TOM-RO
Thank you so much Andrea for getting back to me. Just to see at least one message is all I wanted from someone so this means a lot to me. To be completely honest with you, I have. My step son was diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication. Whilst it was great (at the start) I feel like it’s no longer working. He would also have what you call a “come down” so once the medication wore off (6pm) he was absolutely out of control. From this the doctor then prescribed him a higher dose and similar things were happening! He also stopped eating and I mean stopped eating completely and became very skinny! I had to give up the medication in order for him to put back on his weight due to weight loss being a side effect. This is where I’m at now.
As for me I saw a therapist. I had 6 sessions (all I needed) and although we went over my feelings, she also would telling me techniques and ways to deal with a child who has ADHD!!!!!
I tried everything!!! I did the whole poster in his room that has clear meanings such as “wake up, get dressed” I added pictures like she told me. I did Lolly charts, sticker charts, I even went as far money charts!! Yes money charts, 1 sticker = 1 dollar!!! Everything worked for a short period of time and then he would give up and get over it 😩
04-08-2020 09:27 PM - edited 04-08-2020 09:54 PM
I've just caught up on your thread and I can understand why this is really getting to you. I imagine it would be difficult, because you're almost being pushed to choose between your husband and your mental health, as you mentioned you're feeling depressed which is completely unlike you. You'd almost be feeling a little trapped...like you don't want to leave your husband but you also don't want to live like this. So I really do feel for you as I imagine that would be a really difficult space to sit in!
It sounds like you have tried a lot of things to help and improve the situation. I'm wondering whether your husband has tried much else for his son other than medication. Has he seen a psychologist for advice on how to deal with the situation? Did he ever attend the psychology sessions with you? The reason I'm asking is because it may be beneficial if you both see a psychologist together, one with experience in treating ADHD. This is because the psychologist's tactics will work best if both you and your husband are employing them properly - such tactics aren't as effective if, say, you are employing them properly but your husband isn't. Also, if you both see the psychologist together, then at least you'll feel like you're tackling this issue as a team, rather than having to do it alone. If you are tackling it mostly alone, that could explain why it has become really overwhelming for you to the point where you're questioning your relationship, and could explain why you're feeling depressed.
What do you think?
Also, I almost forgot to mention that I had to edit the medication names/dosages out of your post, as it goes against one of our community guidelines. For a full list of the community guidelines, please see here.
04-16-2020 01:07 PM
You've had a few posts from ReachOut, but reading through your post I just had to jump in here too. I'm hearing all the things you have tried to support your step son to manage his health, wellbeing and behaviour- you are doing so much and I just wanted to acknowledge that again! You have really gone above and beyond to find a solution that works for you all
We are thinking of you this week- hoping that you are able to take some time to look after you and focus on your wellbeing We are here if you need someone to chat to
04-16-2020 07:26 PM
04-16-2020 07:45 PM
04-17-2020 12:55 PM
Hey @Jaysam ,
Hope this finds you well. I'm so glad that you've decided to take a step back for yourself . It is so important to take the past to care for ourselves. We know intuitively that caring for ourselves can help us care for others, but actually actioning that can be difficult. I'm so glad you've found a way .
Enjoy the long baths, sounds like you've certainly earned them!
09-15-2020 09:27 PM
God I really feel for you. I have my step-son 50% of the time and even that drains me and makes me become very subdued. Why do you have to him full time? Shouldn't his mum have him sometimes otherwise it;s not really fair on you. Your husband should definitely try and take the boy out and give you some respite for sure. I get my partner to collect his son from school and go to the park for a while afterwards so I can spend some qaulity time with my daughters. I basically just try and avoid the boy when he's here and hope he doesn't pick up on my loathing of him. It is so hard and I feel really bad for you. You are NOT alone. Your hubby needs to realise how much of a negative impact this is having on you.
10-09-2020 02:37 PM
It sounds like you can relate to the difficulties of coping with step parenting in blended families, and have worked with your husband to find ways that makes this easier on both of you. Respite is important.
You mentioned that your husband makes sure to have time alone with his son, and to give you time with your girls. How do you find this approach? Is it something that makes it easier for you at home? It sounds like a good way to strength their relationship too.
Your words of encouragement and reminders that @Jaysam is not alone are really powerful It's not easy what you are going through, and hearing that you have found ways to make it work and look after yourself too is so important.