Talking to teens

[MeJane]

How often do the rest of you guys have those times when your teen won't talk to you? There hasn't been a fight or anything they just don't let you in.

How do you keep the channels of communication open when your child shuts down?

[MeJane · Accepted solution]

I guess part of it learning to let go a bit and that our relationship is changing... Thanks all

[Maggiemay]

Hi MeJane,

Firstly welcome to the forum and raising this topic.  I have experienced the same with my teenagers and it can leave us feeling frustrated and no longer that integral part of their lives we had when they were younger.

i searched under the Skills to Build tab on this site where there is a fact sheet on Effective Communication and Teenagers.  It advises how we, as parents, need to adjust our way we communicate.  There are some great articles to help with this including

- Ask questions that encourage your teen to talk.

- How to have a great conversation

- Learn what your teenagers behaviour is saying.

MeJane I hope this will help as a starting point for you and your teenager to get that communication happening again.   Please let me know if you find this helpful. 

[Sophie-RO]

Hey @Maggiemay & @MeJane - such an important conversation about communication - and great tips from the factsheet. Anyone else experienced this or got tips to share?

[StHubbins]

Hi @MeJane

Sounds like you have a normal teenager!

I found as they hit their teen years, the communication between us changed.  They wanted to keep more to themselves, and not share everything as they did when they were younger.  It's about them becoming their own people and is totally normal.

I think it's important that they know that you are there and available to them.  Don't take it personally! Let them know you're there and willing to talk when they want to.

Let us know how you go.

[Mitzi]

Hi @MeJane

I'd say once or twice a month I get the silent treatment. After establishing he's not sick/in trouble/ or wanting to talk, I'll leave him alone and wait until he comes out upon smelling something fantastic coming from the kitchen.

I have actually found that sometimes he justs wants to be on his own. Totally. In the house by himself.  Now that he's 16 I understand this: it's been full on just the two of us and sometimes he wants the place to himself.

If I'm feeling so inclined, I'll go out and walk for an hour or see a movie. 

[MeJane · Accepted solution]

I guess part of it learning to let go a bit and that our relationship is changing... Thanks all

[Xena__]

I'm sure it's not deliberate ....... Your teen probably doesn't even notice they're not talking!
Maybe just try to be around ( but not in their face) as much as possible on the off chance you might be there when they feel like saying something!! I used to think I was on "stand by" a lot of the time but it paid off. And food always helps teenagers ......!

[MeJane]

You could be right Xena that she doesn't notice. I like that idea of being on stand-by. thanks