Teachers at school and my 17 year old son

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @hippychick, quite a few people chiming in here to offer their support and advice. There isn't much else to say that hasn't been beautifully said already. I will add that I can tell you are putting a lot of thought and consideration into your son and his education which is really lovely to see  You are doing an awesome job!

[hippychick]

@Schooner, thanks for your suggestions and support. Its very easy sometimes to feel like the teachers are right and I am wrong..I will definetely practice talking to him about small steps to social skills. He was invited by his brother and his brothers friend to go riding on the dirt bikes but he didnt want to go as a good friend was online and he wanted to hang out with him. Hes good at avoiding real life social situations so he may take a bit of work. In saying that though, hes happy to hang out with me going to the shops, going to a nice cafe or walking up through the bush. Im trying small things like encouraging him to order his meals if we go out and pay for his meals..even things like that are hard for him as its interacting with strangers but we go to regular cafes and regular walking spots until he gets used to them...funny though - he never used to be so shy..only in the last few years.

[hippychick]

@Zoesplace, thanks and yes I will follow up about the attendance requirements - thats a great point. I feel the same as you - if hes doing well why force him further to attend every day when he doesnt even want to go for one day? Its about compromise for me...giving him some control. We've finally found something that kind of works for us all but this teacher is hell bent on 'encouraging' him to attend every day. I told her that not all kids fit in to her mold or her ideal student picture and that she needs to be prepared to take an individualistic approach if she is going to be any good at her job. Thanks so much for your positive post..and for believing that it may be possible for him to get through. Its nice to have people on my side that can see it from my perspective.

[hippychick]

@Tulip - yes the one thing I am trying is to get him to be a little more interactive in areas such as shopping centres, cafes etc. I try to encourage him to ask for what food he wants and pay. Most of the time he does but sometimes it gets very difficult. He also gets used to going to the same shops as he knows familiar faces. SO, I may have to change it up a bit. He almost always stays near me when we go food shopping. He doesnt like to be in a food aisle without me in sight..he doesnt get nervous or outwardly fret but if I dart away into another aisle..you bet he will poke his head around to find me within seconds. Lol! As for doing a trade, he did want to do that and I am sure he still would but he has mentioned that he wants to get through Yr 12. I told him that if he wants to leave school, he should get his learners written test done first. That will be another hurdle as it means he will be alone in a driving lesson with an adult he doesnt know...should be good for him though..but hes very stubborn about doing things hes not comfortable with.

[hippychick]

@Taylor-RO thanks so much! Its nice to feel acknowledged and supported here. I really do mean that. I definetely still think Im not perfect in my capabilities of raising teen boys but I am just using trial and error with my son I think. I dont have all the answers but its so nice to have a few positive voices like yours to help guide me and say Im doing okay. I dont think, at this stage anyway, that he will endup as a highly successful adult in terms of career or money but I think he will be happy and humble and really thats all that counts. I want him to be comfortable and confident making decisions and feel that his opinions count. I want him to know that its okay if a career isnt the main focus of your life. That we all have our own clocks...and things happen for each of us when we are ready.

[taokat]

Hi @hippychick, I would definitely talk to the principal and the school counsellor about this as him attending 4 days is something that they can actually work with. You don't want him to be overwhelmed and refuse to go at all, and I think your arrangement with your son is ideal. 

I wish I'd pushed harder while my daughter was at high school for a better arrangement as she has now has to go to tafe and is failing with attendance in adult education. There aren't the supports, I have no contact with teachers and know nothing about how she is progressing when she is there.

His teachers comments were completely unhelpful and untrue and I'm so glad you rebuffed them! It sounds like he's doing really well at school and has interests for his future which is fantastic! You're an awesome mum and your son is lucky to have you advocating for him 

[hippychick]

@taokat Firstly I completely understand how you feel when you say you wish youd done things different with your daughter. I can think of many times when I thought I was doing the right thing with my kids and looking back, I probably wasnt. But thats life and its a journey that takes us up and down and really we learn so much about ourselves and our children. We realise that all those decisions we thought of as mistakes we did out of love and even if now we think it was a bad choice, maybe a few years down the track, her going to TAFE or choosing a path from here will make it into a good choice. Perhaps the best thing you can do is realise you are doing the best you know how right now. And that life is a journey where we dont need to have a destination we just need to master the lessons along the way. 

Thanks for your words of encouragement about my sons issues. It really is hard to not doubt myself but yes I need to have a chat to the principal which I have made enquiries about just now.

Many teachers have a way of making me feel that I am not giving my son the future he deserves. I see life as more than just school. I see that a child can flourish after school if given the chance to make their own decisions and feel supported in those decisions. To be heard is a great feeling for them. The teacher I spoke with (the senior subject coordinator) seems to think that the only way my son will function in a job is if he comes to school every day or else he wont cope with real life workng. I said well the school system doesnt suit him. Hes not the type to sit still in classes for 5 hours. Who knows what he will be like if he has an outdoors job? Or a creative job or something where he doesnt have to do the criteria that the teacher sets out?

I told my son that now he is 17 he doesnt have to be at school so its his choice to go and that the teachers cannot tell him he has to go. However I am also aware that there are certain conditions he needs to meet to pass. I cannot believe that the school can terminate a students enrolment if they feel the student may not pass Yr 12..thats completely wrong in my eyes...its like they only want the school to look good on paper so they get rid of the ones they dont want...hmmm...

Anyway thanks again. It can get stressful with our kids but I am glad to be amongst people who are also struggling through. 

[Erin-RO]

Hey @hippychick I just wanted to say your love and care for your son always shines through your posts and I wouldn't give too much weight to those teachers opinions. I mean they have a valid point of view to an extent but not everyone is made to fit the mould of academia or educational settings / classrooms and you're right your son may find that he flourishes in a creative, outdoors or a more hand on environment.

I would just keep doing what you're doing and focus on encouraging his strengths and passions

[hippychick]

Thanks Erin. I will take your advice and encourage his strengths and passions...thanks so much for your kind words.