10-09-2019 03:41 AM
10-09-2019 11:45 AM
Hi @gameofthrones and welcome to ReachOut Parents!
Thank you for making your first post here and letting us know what has been happening in your family. No parent likes to see their children hurting, and I am sure so many parents can relate to feeling angry with people who upset, hurt or take advantage of their children or family as a whole. Such a tough feeling to hold
It sounds like both you and your daughter did a lot to support her ex-boyfriend, and it is understandable to question what was real and what was not when it came to his behaviour. It sounds like he was became a part of your family during the time he was with your daughter. It is common for families to also feel that loss, betrayal or pain when they are connected to their child's relationship, for example as you mentioned he at your house living with your family a lot of the time, and there for big life transitions like finishing school and starting uni.
It sounds like his behaviour after the break up has been quite a shock for you both, and very upsetting. While I am not sure what happened, I am hearing the pain it has brought your family. You've mentioned your daughter is focusing on her health and studies, does she have friends to support her too? This is a big adjustment for you too, and I am sure a devastating blow to find out who the ex-boyfriend truly was. How are you coping with this news? Do you have a support network too?
10-09-2019 08:52 PM
10-11-2019 11:10 AM
Hi @gameofthrones and thank you for getting back to us.
It is great to hear your daughter has taken steps towards making new friendships. In the wake of a break up re-building is really important and putting that time into herself and people that add value to her life is a really important step!
That is completely understandable to not want to talk about this with people you rely on for other things. What has happened with the boyfriend sounds more complicated than we know, and it sounds like both you and your daughter are still coming to terms with what has happened. We are here to be a listening ear too, where it is anonymous and safe
It can be a really natural step to want to do something to show the impact someone has had on our lives, or stand up for the ones we love to the people that have hurt them. It sounds like you have done some reflection on reaching out to the ex-boyfriend, and finding some closure. Even writing the words down and not sending them may help to process and get out the angry and frustration you are feeling.
I am hearing the anger you are feeling, is your daughter also working through feelings of anger?