What strategies have people used to help teens with aspergers

[Poppa_bear]

I'm a dad to two great young ppl who have Aspergers. A daughter now 18 and son 19. They're like chalk and cheese, introvert, extrovert, socially awkward , everything.. I've developed my own ways to help them along with life lessons, academically, tantrums and the tiaras. It's been 13 years since the first diagnosis and when I read the report I was overwhelmed. I read up as much as I could online and library books to learn what I needed. To do to give my kids the best chance to succeed. There wasn't the early intervention help there is now, I just winged it seeing what did/didn't work for us.

for me the basics  were be truthful with answers to the awkward questions , if you don't know it Google it together and learn something new too. I learnt not to yell, hard when you're upset I know, just talk plain and simple. My ex was a screamer to which the kids took no notice , I went to them and spoke normally and got the required result. There's lots more to share but I'd like to know from other parents of Aspies what works/worked for them. 

It ain't easy.   Poppa bear

[Sophie-RO]

Hey @Poppa_bear, sounds like you have learned a lot over the years. Thanks so much for sharing it here.

Sounds like there is a lot that is specific to Aspergers - have you got other parents who's kids also have the diagnosis that you have been able to talk to?

Is there anyone else who has experience in this area?

[Mitzi]

When my son was a toddler I worked part-time as a nanny to a 10-y-o girl and an 13-y-o boy. He had Aspergers so I checked Dr Google but was also well-versed by his parents about keeping to routines and what was and wasn't acceptable behaviour.

I loved him, I learned to share his "I can talk about this subject for 5 hours straight" hobbies and I made sure to always drive the same route home etc etc.

I stayed for 2 years as the family allowed me to bring my toddler with me - even got him a carseat. God it was so exhausting some days responding to the "Why?" and "But Mum lets me do that".  In the end that was the problem, As a paid carer I was bound by agreed rules, timetables, expectations. Whereas sometimes those same things were flexible where the parents were concerned.

I really believe if the parents had enforced the same things they insisted I enforce, it would have been less confusing for their son. 

Easy for me say! Anyway @Poppa_bear I salute you.

[Maggiemay]

Hi Poppa_bear. My grandson has an autism diagnosis and I also work with children with vary forms of autism. I agree with you that each child is unique and also very interesting in the way they see the world.
I find that routine, honesty, being a calming influence and taking the time to get to know the person, as we would any other child, are effective.
I agree it is not easy as what works one day may not be effective the next.
Thank you for starting this conversation and I am looking forward to you sharing more of your experience in this forum.

[Sophie-RO]

Hi guys, I've just reading up on the autism spectrum and Aspergers and saw that depression and anxiety is sadly all to common. The good news is that there is lots families can do to boost wellbeing and foster positive mental health... Including encouraging self-determination and independence in teenagers, having strong/stable family relationships, encouraging movement/physical activities, good sleep habits, and working on resilience.

Something we ALL can do is to have zero-tolerance for bullying and work against it where ever we are! Work, home, school, public etc!

I got this info from
http://www.positivepartnerships.com.au/mental-health-wellbeing-students-autism

[MeJane]

How have things been going @Poppa_bear?

[Poppa_bear]

Evening folks.
It's been a bit tumultuous lately with my daughter. Aspergers, relationship problems, depression, anxiety, self harm and university.. An overload of emotions.
Routines have been messed up.. Just being there for her has been the main focus. I'm her sounding board for everything. I've learnt how to listen and when to interject , to direct her thoughts in a positive way. No matter how I'm feeling about any part of all this I have to remain quite calm and reserved. When you're in the middle of a major melt down raising my voice seems to create extra anxiety. I'm extremely lucky that my teens both feel comfortable being able to tell me everything that's on their mind. My daughter ( D ) told me of an indescretion her boyfriend did that rocked her. He didn't want me to be told but after he left D came to me and told me . I had to promise not to approach the bf ... D took my advise and is seeing a counsellor as well as our gp giving her antidepressants. So far the pills have started to take effect , the lady she sees has set up a crisis strategy in which D has a list of significant ppl to call in times when needed.
Patience and perseverance , that's my way of looking at our Aspy lives

[Poppa_bear]

Hi Maggiemay
You're on the right track with routine etc. Interested to know your grandsons age. Even when mine were young I had to be the calm one. My ex was a screamer and because of that they basically disregarded whatever she tried to enforce.. I set definate boundries and was consistent , they get confused when they get changed. Don't use the old "wait till your father gets home" cos by the time dad gets home they will have forgotten what they are in trouble for. Dependant on where he is on the spectrum will also determine how he responds to family life.. I wish you and your family all the best

[readthemanual]

It sure anin't easy!

But I don't know if you had used some of the services that came with medicare in Australia. I have a friend who's son has Aspergers. The family got lots of help and when he was enrolled into one of the selective schools, the government actually send out people to do workshops with his peers. My friend was great and she accumulated a lot of knowledge about Aspergers. Her son survived teenage years and is now happily at uni! And before that, he got free lessons to help him get into the adult life on things like financial planning etc.

So don't forget that Australian government agencies are there to help.

[Poppa_bear]

Hi Readthemanual
Unfortunately 13 years ago there wasn't any of the early intervention programs available to me . I'm in a small country town where there was virtually zero help with Autism. All efforts were city based. The Internet was my biggest source of info. Been to workshops and lectures by Richard Eisenmejer, Tony Attwood and Sue Larkey to learn what I could.. I kept my kids in mainstream catholic school where there was basic support from the school and special needs from the diocese . Richard actually did the diagnosis for both my daughter (8 yrs) and my ex (41 at the time). I did the positive parenting workshop when my kids were early teens but it was based on working with younger children. I ended up getting questions from other parents as theirs were all younger and I'd already "been there"
I feel that I'd done the hard yards before all these wonderful early intervention programs were implemented... Also location has a lot to do with assistance as well. I know there was times I made mistakes yet I look at my two children now , one lives in Melbourne doing his computer course and no two started studying occupational therapy at Charles Sturt this year and still lives with me. All three of us volunteer with service providers for kids with disabilities...