When your Teen Starts Dating?....What to do when they stretch the boundaries???

[seaglecc]

Hello All, My 16 Year olf Daughter (nearly 16 I might add by 14 days) is in her first relationship. He is a year younger (thank God!) They only see eachother on weekend, but now he's asked her to stay the night!!! Hellllooooo I say!!! Huh Ah.... Not happening! Her answer "Well I knew you were going to say that!" then off with a huff and puff. Me: "Well Honey, I gave birth to children and made a committment to be a responsible parent, and by letting you stay at your NEW boyfriend's house and I hardly know what is family is like, would be being an irresponsible parent". So now apparently I don't understand what she is going through. "Giggle Giggle", Yeah right . She is still talking to me but with more attitude than I can handle. Oh the joys... Was waiting for this day, just hoped it would never come.. Trying to be empathic, and kind and understanding and most of all POLITE. It's going to be interesting.

[ElleBelle]

That day always comes @seaglecc, as much as we hope it doesn't. It sounds like you're doing your best to keep a level head, even though this must be triggering some strong mamma-bear emotions!

Have you had the sex talk with her and mapped out expectations?

[readthemanual]

we are in the same boat! @seaglecc my daughter is 16 too. She is a femminist and her ideas on dating and sex and things are very progressive, sometimes shocking! While I grew up conservative, I could understand where she is coming from. I am glad she shares her thoughts with me and it seems that she is not putting her ideas into actual practice for the time being. I said to her, I trust you and I think you will make your decisions, as long as it is a serious choice. Just make sure that you are not pressured to do anything that you might regret in the future.

[Sophie-RO]

How are things going now @seaglecc?? Would love to know how you moved through this situation...

[seaglecc]

Hello ,
It was quite interesting, I found out from a dear friend and a family member she was cursing me about the no sleep over. I found it amusing because they both told her what I said and she replied to each of the at separate times "Omg you sound like my mum". They said you have a great mum maybe you should think about it. So on the same day after I was told about this cursing, We sat and we "had that talk". Her father and I both were part of the discussion and she was very understanding. Actually she was thankful and said "thanks guys, it's my first relationship and I just don't know what to expect!" I explained the 'old fashion' tradition where the girl never went to the boy, it was the boy her went to the girl, very stereotype however she understood how lucky she was to be growing up in the 21 century.

Just the explanation of expectations if she were to sleep over, the temptations and risks involved, especially considering the boyfriend is the youngest of 4 with two older siblings being adults males. She's an extremely good looking young woman and well I think you get the point...she did too.

She only sees him on weekends and they switch families each fortnight so one week with us the next with his. Interestingly, his parents thought that was a great boundary to put up, providing both teens with understanding family is still important even if you're in a relationship. Both teens agreed.

Quite funny from both sides is the grand parents telling us parents our children should not be dating yet, we are doing wrong and blah blah.

Any tips on how to deal with the grandparents of newly dating teens??? 😂😂😂

[Luula]

@seaglecc if we think that we've got it tough trying to navigate the world of the modern day teen, just imagine how mind boggling it must be for the grandparents!! 😂

Haha, maybe you also need to sit down with the grandparents and have 'the talk'. 😛

[Kalis]

Wow, such mature boundaries and responses! You must be very happy @seaglecc. Pat yourself on the back and come up with a plan for the grandparents later

[Ngaio-RO]

Well done @seaglecc sounds like you all handled this beautifully. And well done on raising a daughter who not only understands the importance of asking for advice when she's unsure of things but talks to you about what's happening even when she knows she may not get exactly what she thinks she wants. There's a lot of young people who would have done ALL of this 'off radar' and a lot of parents who are the last to know. Congrats!

I'm also getting from your posts the importance of communicating with the bf or gf's parents. Did that come about from this situation or did you know each other already?

And I can't wait for the "Sex ed for Grandparents" thread.