09-27-2018 04:29 PM
My 13 year old daughter has decided that she just wants to do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants without any boundaries or rules to follow. I have probably been a bit in denial trying to manage some of the pushing of boundary issues I have been experiencing as 'oh it her hormones kicking in' or 'this is normal teenage push back'. It came to a head yesterday when she decided that she wanted to leave school after first period to help a friends older sister do makeup and hair for her formal. I said no and that she could leave at sport time after lunch as I know she would not have participated in anyone although I was reluctant to allow even that. I was trying to meet half way IYKWIM. She left school before I told her to and then I get a series of text to tell me that she is not coming home that she needs space and that she was going to the formal. Weird I know. I suspect her new group of friends (new school) which seem nice enough kids and from discussions with her that she feels they really have her back emotionally and they are not **bleep** girls which is great however, I feel they are having a huge influence on her rebellion although they might not be directly telling her to do certain things it is like she wants to impress them perhaps. Her previous group of friends at her old school she was constantly in and out of friendships with them which caused huge amount of anxiety for her. I am just so confused as there was no argument or anything that would trigger this bigger reaction. I put it down to that she wants her way and she was going to get it by being a brat. She didn't go to school today and is going to stay at my sister in-laws tonight as she still thinks she needs space. I have not determined what actually she wants space from other than that she wants space from rules and boundaries. I attempted to explain to her that even as an adult I have to follow rules and boundaries and can't just do what I want when I want. I don't consider myself an overly strict parent maybe that is half my problem. I am so confused it is like a light bulb went off in her head and she decided that she doesn't need me anymore - WT. I have said that she needs to come home tomorrow arvo so that we can start resolving what she is feeling unhappy about. I was hoping you all might be able to provide me with some questions so that my resolution meeting can go as well as possible as I want my girl home with us.
She thinks she is mature enough to make decisions on her own but reality is she is only 13
09-27-2018 07:27 PM
Hello @Help_needed, I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. It seems like it is really difficult to know how to handle this or what the next steps should be. I think discussing what is making her so unhappy is a great step because it gives her the opportunity to feel valued and heard. It would be really interesting to know exactly how she is thinking and feeling. I was also wondering what happens if you try to hold her to these boundaries and rules that you have set? How do you react when your daughter disobeys boundaries?
I will tag some other members for support @taokat @sunflowermom @Schooner @Moggy3kids