09-29-2017 10:20 PM - last edited on 10-11-2017 05:16 PM by Ngaio-RO
My 14 year old has become very mouthy and disrespectful. His whole world revolves around his phone and the PlayStation. To the point where he doesn't want to go to family outings any more. And generally if it's not on a screen he's not interested. We are a family of four, 14 yo 12 yo stepdad and myself. Stepdad is very old fashioned and doesn't cope with technology at all. So it's placing strain on our relationship as well. We have all lived together for 6 years with hardly any conflict until the past 3 months. I have talked to both kids explaining that the Internet hours are to be limited. My 14 year old was in tears saying that he will be missing out. And when he gets to school he can't connect with his mates as they are all talking about what they were doing online the night before. I guess I'm just after reassurance. Feel like I'm loosing my boy
09-30-2017 12:50 AM
Hey @KitKat2306, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this with your son, but please be assured it's a very common issue parents face, so you are not alone!
So much of a teens life is online and I understand that frustration when they don't want to participate in family events. My daughter is very similar in that regard, except she does come to family birthday lunches - but that's it. She's 15 and it's all about friends at the moment.
Just an idea, but maybe you could negotiate that the internet be a reward for respectful behaviour? You're still in control of what length of time that is, but he then has a choice and some responsibility in it as well.
I've found that hearing my daughter, and repeating back to her what I've understood to make sure I've heard her correctly, goes a long way. Even when my answer is still no. And it sounds like you've heard your son in this too. Our kids will get upset with us, angry with us, but they love us to pieces. It's our job to be their parent not their friend. It's really hard sometimes and sometimes it really hurts, but we do it for them because we love them. You're doing an awesome job.
09-30-2017 08:40 AM
09-30-2017 05:11 PM
My pleasure, I'm so glad you're feeling better
How did yor chat go? Was he more accepting of those terms?
I wonder if there's a parent who's never doubted themselves?! I think that's what's so fantastic about the forum and being able to talk to other parents - we can share our experiences and empower each other as parents.
10-01-2017 12:39 AM
10-01-2017 06:47 PM
Hey @KitKat2306, so glad to hear that Dad backs you with 14 y/o around this subject. That must be reassuring. Can be really hard when you're feeling like the enemy especially when you're implementing this new rule to benefit your son and the whole family, though sometimes adolescent's can't quite see the positives in regular breaks from screens.
Keep us updated on how he goes throughout the school hols
10-01-2017 08:11 PM
10-02-2017 06:59 PM
Hey @KitKat2306, that's awesome that your ex has your back and that you have such great communication. A united front makes life so much easier!
Rules suck when you're 14, but we make them because we love them. My parents used to say to me as a whingeing teen "you'll survive". And they were right
10-02-2017 09:58 PM
10-02-2017 10:44 PM
Hey @KitKat2306, it's great that you can discuss your concerns with your ex, and that he's getting your son to look at things realistically. I admire you both for where you're at, it sounds like you both have the best interests of the kids at the forefront.
Good on you for thinking of ways to keep your son connected with his mates after school. What are boys like - do they have sleepovers or is that just a girl thing? Could be something else to do some weekends? My daughter's having 2 friends over on Wednesday night - they take over the loungeroom while I'm banished to my room lol.